Have A Little Faith
by Radiorox
Summary: Harm and Mac's relationship begins to shift after the Admiral's Dining out. - Rewrite of season 10. *COMPLETED*
1. Chapter 1

AN: So, I've been enjoying myself putting together the little "Disruptions" vignettes. They are nothing more than "scenes" I have in my head that could make it into a story or turn into a story of their own. I wanted to start writing them mostly so I wouldn't forget and had a place to reference. Rather than collect dust on my HD, it was fun just to start posting and "fixing" episodes.

Never did understand why the hell breach the subject of a romance between Harm and Mac to never do a damned thing about it. The actors had chemistry and so many story lines could have been written. The rules were bent for Bud and Harriet but, not for Harm and Mac.

One of my "Disruptions" was just after the Admiral's Dining out on the season 9 finale. We fans were left wondering what was wrong with Mac as she sat next to Harm realizing he'd never abandon her. And then, nothing… and nothing… and nothing. She wasn't ready, he was irritated and one of the WORST seasons of JAG came to fruition.

I figured something else needed to happen after the conversation during the Dining Out. A conversation that we saw in two parts - one during "Hail and Farewell Part 1" and the other with flashbacks during "The Four Percent Solution." You know, another episode that made zero sense in the shipper world - Harm and Mac go back to status quo.

This new story will pick up right where I left off in "Disruptions" chapter 19 and start a rewrite of Season 10 with our fabulous duo getting into the swing of things as Mac recovers. It will be sweet, there will be some angst and romance, of course.

"Have A Little Faith" is named after a Richard Marx song I recently bumped into.

"You were just an innocent soul

When the darkness came and stole your light away

How can you be anything but still

When the warmths of tomorrow's

Buried in the chills of yesterday

Dive into the deep, find it in you to believe

In a place your wounded heart has never known

If you dare reach for me I wont let you fall alone 

Have a little faith

Have a little hope

Have a little trust

In the great unknown 

Love's been a razor deep in your chest

Made you feel like your runnin'

Out of breathe in slow quicksand

Its no kind of life being locked down tight

A heart like a flower needs a little light and a gentle hand

Let suspicion come to rest, cast away the loneliness

That you have carried to long

Wrap yours arms around this moment

Now, before its gone 

Let the memories go blind and release your mind

From the ghost that rage inside of you

How can I get you to see baby, you could never be

To lost for me to find you 

Just have a little faith

Just a little, faith

You and I can be ones who believe

In a love that lingers eternally

You and I could stay ever this way

In a love that lingers eternally"  
Richard Marx - "Have A Little Faith."

CHAPTER 1

On the way to her apartment, they had been quiet. Harm concentrating on the road and Mac staring out the window wondering why she wasn't more greif-striken over Webb's death. She had mourned, somewhat. Gone to Hawaii to bring back his body - a mission that had been futile. She owed it to him for saving her life, for keeping her safe. And maybe that's why she wasn't as hurt as she should have been, it was Webb's fault she'd been put in danger to begin with. Webb's fault she'd developed a Stockholm's Syndrome of sorts and began to feel something more than friendship for the spy.

Clay had been her boyfriend, a man that she lov… With a sigh, Mac brushed away the single tear that fell from her eye. She hadn't quite loved him, not in the way she was hoping to. Time would take care of that, she had decided but, seeing Harm everyday shook her resolve. It was like being with Mic some years prior, and that was the crux of it all - She loved Mic but, she wasn't in love with him. She loved Webb but, she wasn't in love with him. 

No the man she was in love with was navigating across Washington in his Lexus, offering to drive her home after Chegwidden's dining out. He was the only man who had always been there for her, no matter how shitty they'd treated one another. Why she wasn't with him had always perplexed Mac. There was an attraction there an undeniable chemistry that everyone saw but them.

He was the one she trusted above all else. The one that knew all of her demons and dark secrets. Harm was the only man she would follow to a war torn country, multiple times, just to have his back. Mac loved him, unconditionally and she always would. And it broke her heart. 

"Here we are." She heard him say as he brought the Lexus to a stop just in front of her apartment building. 

Harm wasn't looking at her, he was merely gripping the wheel like a vice and staring out. She wanted to ask him up, to not be alone with her grief and her thoughts, to just have a friend to lean on. But, her stupid pride wouldn't let her, not after everything he had said earlier. That, despite her being with another man, Harm still wanted to have children with her - he still wanted… what exactly? 

"Mac." Harm began after several long minutes had passed. He felt her watching him and opted to try to remove the foot he'd firmly inserted into his mouth earlier. 

"Harm, don't. I can't talk about that again tonight." 

"Please, just let me say one thing and then I'll shut up." But, his grip on the wheel tightened and the things he'd been thinking about on the drive over bubbled up. Harm wanted to apologize at least, that's how it started.

"I'm sorry for what I told you tonight. It wasn't the right time." No, it wasn't - asking the woman you love to have kids with you after her boyfriend died was never a good idea. 

"I always seem to say the wrong things around you. I don't know why it is but, you always have me flustered when it comes to talking to about my feelings. I want to be with you Mac and I know this isn't the time but, just tell me to wait and I'll wait forever if that's what it takes I just need to know that there is a chance.. That I haven't completely blown it with you." He rambled through his words and took a deep breath, hoping she would understand. He couldn't look at her, didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes if he'd made a mistake again.

If she didn't want him, that was fine too, he would continue to be there for her in any capacity but, he needed closure or didn't know he was crying until a single tear fell from his eye which Mac wiped with the pad of her thumb. That single touch sparked to life something that seemed to have died between them - an ember that was still glowing and could be easily rekindled. 

Mac leaned over to him and raised her hand to caress his face her fingers gently running over his cheeks, his eyes, his lips like a blind woman wanting to commit every detail to memory. Her heart ached for him, for them, and everything that was once in reach that seemed to fall apart. Her touch seemed to heal some of that and piece together whatever was missing between them. Harm leaned into her touch and pressed a soft kiss into her palm making her skin tingle inexplicably. 

And then, Mac kissed him. It wasn't passionate by any means but, sweet and soft and Harm remained impossibly still hoping this wasn't a dream. "Wait for me." She said against his mouth and then brushed her lips over his a final time.

His arms came around her in a hug and Mac held onto him longer than she should have. She needed this, needed his strength to draw on when her world seemed to fall apart. With a sigh, she pulled away and made to open his car door when she stopped. "Damnit, I shouldn't ask this of you." She began, pausing to bite her lip nervously. "But...Can you stay over? I just...I don't…Nevermind.." His hand on her shoulder stopped her exit.

"You don't want to be alone?" At her nod, Harm smiled softly at her. "Anything you need." He shut off the car and followed her into the building.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Mac had made up the sofa for him although his 6'4 frame would likely find it uncomfortable. Part of her wanted to ask him to sleep by her side but, she couldn't in the same bed she'd had sex with Clay in. It wouldn't be fair to either man. "I'll be fine here, Mac. Get some rest." He had said removing his jacket as he watched her retreat to the bedroom.

Harm noticed that she hadn't closed the door, leaving it half open. It was an invitation for him to check on her which he did a little over an hour later to find Mac fast asleep. He stared at her in the darkness wishing he could ease the pain she was feeling. For the last year their relationship had been chaotic at best and downright hostile at its worst.

He hoped to mend things and make her whole again - to find the rhythm they had lost. He wanted to be in her life as her partner, her friend, her lover and be the man she needed. He was tired of watching her be happy with someone else when he loved her this much.

"Goodnight." Harm said softly as he stepped away from the door and to his makeshift bed. He sat on the sofa, the only light coming from a lamp on the side table and he stared at the soft shadows on her walls. How long would he have to wait for her? A week? A month? A year? He wasn't a patient man and this would likely wear him down although he was up to the challenge. After Renee, Harm just hadn't wanted to be with anyone else although he had plenty of opportunities. He was tired of meaningless sex and relationships that didn't provide him any joy.

He wanted what Bud and Harriet had and he wanted it with Mac. Forever. Somehow, she had woven herself into his life and he just didn't want to live it without her.

With a sigh, he stood and walked over to her french doors, staring at the city below. Part of him wanted to give her an ultimatum, an expiration as to how much longer he was willing to wait for her. At some point, he had to move on if she wasn't interested.

But, for now, he would be the caring friend, the shoulder she needed while Mac dealt with endro… endo… He frowned, unable to remember the exact term she had used. It wasn't cancer, she assured him but, it ground to a halt the looming presence of their baby deal.

Why in the hell had he told her five years? Why not two? Or one? It twisted his heart to no end that he had a hand in this too. They would have been happy together and he was willing to give her how many children she wanted as long as it was their kids. He brushed away the tear that suddenly fell and then looked around to make sure Mac hadn't walked in on his thoughts. He wouldn't cry, not now, not when she needed him. He would be her rock, her confidant. He would be strong for her.

Harm padded to her bedroom and studied her sleeping form in the darkness. She was curled up to the side, hand placed under her chin. He wanted to join her, hold her in his arms as she slept but, thought it best to keep his distance. Finally, after quietly using the bathroom, he retreated back to the sofa, shut off the lamp and tried to get some rest.

Next Day.

After showering, Mac had practically passed out the instant her head hit the pillow falling into a deep dreamless sleep. What woke her up was a specific scent that wafted through her apartment and made her lips curl up in a smile. "Bacon." Forgetting her surgery, she made to get up quickly and stopped abruptly once a wave of pain hit her. She sat up against the headboard, taking long breaths to ease the discomfort she felt. She'd be in pain for a few days, the doctor had assured her. She had refused the pain medication.

After brushing her teeth and slipping into her USMC sweats, she slowly walked out to the living room to find that Harm had made a bed out of her floor. He had placed the comforter on the ground a a rumbled flat sheet was strewn across it along with the two pillows she'd given him.

Mac frowned, she should have just asked him to share a bed with her. It couldn't have been comfortable on the floor for him - he had his lower back issue - something that plagued him since the night of her rehearsal dinner. She squeezed her eyes shut at the memory and pushed the eerie thoughts away. Harm was alive, he was fine and he was here. And yet, sometimes she felt like they were both still adrift in the storm tossed sea.

Once she made it to the kitchen, she leaned against the door frame to find him barefoot wearing his black dress pants and an untucked white undershirt. He looked good, she thought as the shirt showed off the wide expanse of his back and the strong muscles of his arms.

Harm was expertly cutting peppers and onions throwing them into an egg mixture that she knew was the start of his Southwest Omelette. She couldn't help but smile at this domestic side of him. "Morning."

He glanced over his shoulder and smiled at her. "Almost afternoon. I hope you don't mind, I figured you could use some food." He could feel her eyes on him even before Mac had made her presence known. The air had shifted around him making the already small kitchen feel almost claustrophobic.

Mac consulted her internal clock and found it to be 1145, she had slept for nearly twelve hours, something unfamiliar to her. "I'm starving." She confirmed all the while watching as he poured the ingredients into a large pan and began to swirl it counterclockwise. The muscles of his arms stretched and bunched and Mac couldn't help but notice how well he filled out that damned undershirt. She had always found him attractive, desirable and often found herself comparing his physique to her significant others. Harm took pride in his body and worked out regularly, something that was ingrained into both of them.

With his back to her, she was able to look unabashed until he turned towards her and folded his arms across his chest. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Surprisingly well, yeah… Thank you for staying over."

"Anytime." Harm nodded and then turned back to the omelette, making sure the mixture would not stick to the pan. "I figured you wouldn't be up for much today so, I ah… went to the store, stocked your fridge and started a chicken and veggie soup on the pressure cooker…" He motioned to the pot with the wooden spoon he had in his hand and then turned back to face her. "Just what have you been eating the last few days?" He asked, his glare admonishing her as he noted that she was thinner.

Mac shrugged and reached into her cupboard to pull out two coffee mugs when the machine had finally finished percolating. "I've been preoccupied."

He couldn't help but frown. "You need to take care of yourself, Mac. I know you've been through a lot but..."

"I know…I don't want to talk about it."

She was brushing him off and given the circumstances he relented, for now. "Well, I made sure you have enough food in your fridge for at least a week. Even bought those Milano cookies you love - double fudge." And he would come and cook for her every day if necessary, even some of that dead cow if it would but a little weight back on her.

Something about that gesture touched Mac in a way she couldn't explain. Despite the arguments and the missteps, the chivalry was still there and he seemed to take some sort of male pride in caring for her. She took a step towards him and placed a hand gently on his shoulder as she raised up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."

It was a peck on his cheek, a simple touch and yet, it gave him hope. "You're welcome."

"You slept on the floor." She pointed out on a frown as her hand ran slowly down his back before she stepped away.

"Your sofa isn't exactly great for sleeping on when you're a little tall… It's okay." He wasn't going to tell her his back was killing him and he needed to down several ibuprofen just to walk normally. "I'm fine. Grab a couple of plates, the omelette is almost done."

Once the food was plated, they sat at her kitchen table in an companionable silence as she practically polished off her plate. It was the most she'd had to eat in the last week since the news of Webb's death came through the wire. She hadn't been taken care of herself and found herself running on nothing more than adrenaline and coffee. "Didn't bring your seabag?" She motioned at his jacket hanging behind the chair he sat on and raised her brow in question.

"I did just… okay, no, I didn't." He really didn't expect to be going anywhere and couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't you dare say a word."

"Last time you didn't bring a seabag you wound up in nothing but work out clothes in the middle of a desert." She smiled at the memory of their first adventure out at Red Rock Mesa. It was Harm that urged her to stay in Washington where she had grown as a lawyer and found that she had someone to confide in. Despite her closeness with Uncle Matt, he was all she had until Harm came along.

"It worked out well enough, Colonel." He too remembered, especially the floral dress she wore that made her more woman and less Marine. She looked so much like his dead lover and yet, Mac was nothing like Diane at all. She was stronger, sexier and someone to match him in every way. It was exciting to have her as a partner and he found himself getting to work earlier just to spend time with her. Yeah, he was smitten early on - Harm just didn't realize it until Lowne came into the picture.

"It's always been exciting between the two of us, huh?" She said softly - the memories between them too many to count. Good times, bad times and somehow, this is how they always wound up - together.

Harm snorted, "We're magnets for trouble."

"That's an understatement." She felt the shift in him then, the eyes that were once staring at her as a friend had taken a darker appearance. Harm was staring at her lips and she wondered what it would feel like to be kissed by him again.

How would he kiss her if they were lovers? It would be passionate, that she knew if the kiss the night of her engagement party was an indication. She shook herself out the thought and covered his large hand that sat on the table between them. "Thank you."

"You already thanked me."

"No, not for breakfast… for everything that has happened since we met. All of the ups and downs, you're still here."

"I told you last night, I'll always be here for you… Always. Unconditionally." Her hand on his own shot a jolt of electricity through him and Harm found himself staring at her lips again. God, he wanted to kiss her so badly, to pull her into his arms and ease away all of the aches and pains.

When she found him leaning towards her, Mac spoke, bringing up the first thing she could think of. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't kiss him, not now. Wasn't she supposed to be grieving? "Are you really okay about Mattie?"

Just the mention of the teenager calmed his desire for her and Harm let out a breath. "Yes… I have to be. Not saying it doesn't hurt but, I'm happy for them. Tom has really turned his life around." He would miss her, terribly but, he was happy. At that he noticed Mac look away from him. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Mac couldn't help the abrupt, dark question that she spat out. "Am I your next project? The next thing you're trying to fix?" She didn't know why she said it only that it was a moment of insecurity for her. The man seemed to have this knack for wanting to fix people, to bring people into his circle and then let them go. It was infuriating to no end.

"You're not a project, Mac. And Mattie was a little girl that needed help. Just like Chloe needed you. This isn't a competition. I am here because I want to be, because I want to be here for you; unconditionally."

And there was that word again - unconditionally. Deep inside she knew he meant it. "I just, I hate admitting this….I feel like you moved on without me."

Harm was getting upset, hos cool demeanor beginning to slip. What was he supposed to do? Wait until she came to her senses? Watch as she went to the arms of another? "Without you? Damnit Mac, you were pretty much involved with Webb. I didn't think you'd care about me anymore. Not after Paraguay. Not after what you told me and reaffirmed at Christmas. Something us not being an us?"

"That wasn't my choice… You forced me into his arms. I tried to talk to you, to beg for forgiveness but, you wouldn't listen. It was easy to go to Clay and feel… wanted, needed… loved." And that was the crux of it all, Clay had been available when Harm hadn't. All she needed was her best friend and he ran away to play spook for the CIA. If it was that easy for him to leave her, then she would learn to move on.

"You said some hurtful things to me, Harm. I know I wasn't a picnic but… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said, I'm sorry that things have turned out this way. I'm sorry for hurting you and I'm sorry I went to him... I never stopped caring for you." She never stopped loving him either. Mac bit back a sob and cursed herself for crying in front of him. She brushed away the tears with her hand and looked up to find Harm studying his hand, the one that she'd touched earlier.

He swallowed the lump at his throat and managed to hold his own tears back. They'd done so much damage to each other in the last year and he wasn't sure how to make things better. "I'd better go." He didn't want to argue with her anymore and in such close proximity to her, he didn't want to keep feeling so much.

"Okay." She couldn't help the disappointment in her tone as Harm stood and pulled his jacket off the back of the chair. "Harm…" Mac needed to stop him, to say something, to fix it but, there was nothing there.

"I'm not mad." He said and then pressed a hand over hers. "I just… you need to rest." She nodded dumbly at him and allowed him to help her stand. Mac followed Harm towards the door and held it open as he stepped out. "I'll call you later… If you need something, anything… call me."

"I will." She said, sadly watching him walk away.

Harm's heart was beating, aching and when he got into his car and slipped behind the wheel, a wave of emotions crashed over him. He loved her so damned much that it was driving him crazy. He hated to hear her verbalize the insecurity towards Mattie.

"I'm sorry, Mac." It hurt him to realize that he had such a hand in her relationship with Clay. It had happened once before when his inaction pushed her into the arms of another. Now he would take it as a sign to fight for her.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the reviews! I was going through hell trying to figure out how I wanted this chapter to play out. I knew I wanted to use a few lines from the show and I know that this particular scene left so much more to be desired. 

I fixed it, somewhat... and its a little angsty here and there but, an interesting though came to my mind. What if Harm never felt worthy of her?  
Take note of his romantic comment... It will come back again. ;) Mac will call him out on it in later chapters. :D Squee!

**Chapter 3.**

Wednesday morning came around and although Mac probably should have rested longer, she headed into the office anyway. She was tired of being home alone with her thoughts. There was a time, several of them actually where she'd grabbed her phone in an attempt to call Harm and ask him over. She had dialed the familiar number, stopping one digit off and hanging up the phone before making a stupid decision. She wouldn't call him and give into weakness. She needed to grieve, to process Webb's death not fall into the arms of another man as she had time and time again. It wasn't fair… it never was fair. And, since it was her doing, she was going to have to deal with it.

Harm had called her twice a day, each day asking if she needed anything, offering to cook or a shoulder to lean on. As much as she wanted him near, his presence made her feel vulnerable, weak, something that she was trying to erase. She didn't want to need him even if it was just to sit by and hold her while she cried. It was the inevitable conversations that they would have that scared Mac. She didn't want to hash anything out at the moment so it was easier to say that she was fine when everything was not.

When she stepped into the bullpen, she walked in on Harm and Bud in conversation. They had been discussing their future commanding officer when a name came up. One that made her cringe.

"Krennick!?" Harm yelled out in surprise as Bud nodded at him. "What is the SECNAV thinking?"

"She's been on the fast track for years, held all the right billets." The younger officer rattled down the list in his usual precise manner and stopped abruptly at Harm's disapproving look. Well, it was more than a disapproving look, Harm was cringing, his expression positively mortified. "I take it you disapprove, sir?"

Disapprove was the understatement of the century. Krennick had no business being _the_ JAG. The woman had a penchant for being eerily seductive towards him and loved to flaunt her power among the junior officers. People like that wouldn't change and Harm would be hard pressed to believe that her moving up the ranks had to do with sex more than her legal prowess. The woman was a Black Widow that preyed on those below her. He hated thinking that way as he had been an advocate for women in the military as long as they could pull their weight and do their jobs.

Krennick made him feel like nothing but a sex object, an embarrassing fact and Harm knew that if he brought her up on charges, his own past would be thrown at him. Which is when stayed a polite two steps behind and practically begged Chegwidden to send him out of headquarters on JAGman investigations when he was a Lieutenant.

Then there was another thing to consider, his relationship with Mac was already in a precarious position. It would be a cinch that Krennick would send Mac away to have one less obstacle standing in her way. The thought sickened him. He could see Krennick digging up all of Mac's sordid past and airing it out for all to see. She'd done the same to him time and time again, bringing up his ramp strike and the man he'd killed as a result. It was a way to knock him down a peg, a sort of bullying that was as effective as a knife to the gut. No, the woman could not be their commanding officer and if she did make it, he would put all of his power into keeping her the hell away from Mac. "I'm just not so sure Krennick has the uh, correct temperament to be Judge Advocate General."

"People mellow and her appointment could be very good for your career, sir." Bud said with a knowing grin. Although he wasn't at JAG at the time, he had heard enough scuttblbutt to know that Krennick should have been brought up on charges considering how she treated Harm. If she were a man, there would have been no hesitation, no misgivings and her career would have been scuttled. "Captain Krennick always favored you."

"She is the only woman who ever chased me around a desk." Harm said with a chuckle, a false merriment that never reached his eyes. He hadn't noticed that Mac was standing behind them, listening to the conversation with an amused grin and a raised brow. He had told her about the senior officer once, when he was hell bent on murdering Diane's killer. Only, he didn't fill in all of the details, it was better if she never knew how vulnerable he'd been then.

"Uh, then-Commander Krennick admired then-Lieutenant Rabb's s-skills, ma'am." Bud cringed when his mentor came up behind them and tried to save face.

"In the courtroom, one presumes?" She said with a grin and pushed between both men in order to get to her office. Once inside, she placed her briefcase on her filing cabinet along with her cover. She sensed more than saw Harm walk in with an apologetic expression at being caught in such a conversation about a senior officer. "So, I take it you don't like women chasing you around a desk?"

The last thing he needed was Mac thinking that he and Krennick had some sort of relationship when it was anything but. It was the amused grin on Mac's face, the lightness in her eyes that made him relax some. "Depends. If _you_ are the woman doing the chasing, I'd positively enjoy it." He said, eyebrows wagging up and down suggestively.

Despite herself, Mac couldn't help but chuckle, the man could be downright cute at times. Damnit, did she miss this, the teasing, the innuendos that filled in when she couldn't have the real thing. And yet, he had picked the absolute worst time to flirt and her warning tone had calmed his eagerness. "Harm..."

He placed his briefcase on one of her guest chairs and his cover on the edge of her desk, inviting himself in for a little conversation. It felt like weeks more than days since he'd last seen her. "Sorry, I'm… How you feeling?"

"I'm dealing. I just don't want anyone else to know that I am. No one knows about… I kinda want to keep it that way." She had told Sturgis she needed some time off, a couple of days to get her head straight. He had assumed it had to do with Webb's death and didn't push the subject further, something she was grateful for. Mac had also asked to be placed on limited duty as she was unsure of how long she could stand if court proceedings went too long. As it was, standing in heels had been a chore. Again, Sturgis hadn't protested and Mac figured it was the guilt of not originally telling her of Webb's death that was gnawing at him.

"Any pain?"

"Getting better." She pulled out her chair and slowly settled into it. Harm's eyes were still on her, taking in every move that she made. It was a little overwhelming and she was starting to feel smothered by his presence. Even the air she was breathing felt heavier, stagnate and there was nowhere to retreat.

Only, he hadn't caught the shift in her body posture or the pleading look that was begging him to stop this conversation. "That's good news!" He said a little enthusiastically as he leaned in and gripped the back of the chair where his briefcase sat. Harm had spent the better part of the weekend engrossed with everything having to do with endometriosis. He had bookmarked several websites and even visited the library during his lunch break on Monday. "I've been doing research all weekend, it's just scar tissue, Mac. It can be removed."

She didn't want to fight him, didn't want to feel this extreme irritability and yet, Mac couldn't help the icy tone of her words. "Most of it was."

Only Harm didn't catch the timbre of her voice. Although some women were found to be infertile after a severe case, many were still able to conceive and carry full term. He was determined to be there for her any way that he could and if she still wanted children with him, he would make it work. "There's a lot of information out there, tons of web sites, books, literature.. I could show you some if you…"

"Harm!" Mac hadn't meant to yell and catch the attention of the staff members in the bullpen but, she'd reached her wits end. She didn't want to think about her illness or the fact that it was _her_ fault they'd waited too long. And what if _that_ was all he wanted from her? A mother for his children and nothing more. When they made that stupid deal five years prior there was no mention of relationship, faithfulness or love. There were no rules or regulations. In fact, she attempted to avoid it all together but, it was Harm that bought it up time and time again.

What if he was settling, going to a sure thing because she'd been vulnerable on the steps of JAG ops? With a sigh, she rubbed at her temples. "It's too much, too soon." She confessed and sighed again at the helpless expression he was giving her. Her heart ached at his far off look and it was all Mac could do to not stand wrap him in her arms. "Let me come to you... I asked you to wait, remember?"

He remembered every detail about that night in his car. How could he forget the way her lips felt when they brushed gently over his own before she sentenced him to a new waiting game. Sadly, he took his cover off the edge of her desk and then retrieved his briefcase knowing that he was being dismissed. "Oh… okay. I'm… I'm sorry."

He cast her a once over before he attempted to leave only to be stopped by something that had been nagging him all weekend long. Dress whites and gold wings had won him his fair share of attraction from the opposite sex and it had been absolutely effortless to get any woman he wanted into bed. It had earned him quite the reputation and Harm found himself not needing to work too hard to get who he wanted when he wanted. After the ramp strike, he had lost some of his swagger and once Mac had entered his life, the want to be a playboy eased completely.

Yes, she had asked him to wait but, what if the wait wasn't worth it for her? Without being asked to, Harm closed her door and then turned back to Mac, settling into one of her guest chairs with a deflated expression. An action that made her terribly nervous, she could only watch as he tried to formulate the words to say and brace herself for an onslaught she wasn't prepared for. "Harm…"

"I'm not the most romantic of guys, Mac." He said suddenly, his voice uncharacteristically fragile and apologetic. "I'm afraid that whenever you decide you're ready, I won't be able to give you what you need." The truth of it was, Harm was afraid to wait only to find her fall into the arms of another man. He was afraid that if and when they were finally together he wasn't the man she was expecting. As much as he wanted to change and be a better man for her, he was flawed. It started at a young age when his father had disappeared and he found his mother had moved on with someone else.

That trauma had left a scar over his heart that never healed. Subconsciously, he vowed never to love anyone that way for fear that she would be taken away, ripped apart like his parents had been. It didn't help that the times he'd come close to giving himself fully to a woman he thought he loved, they were taken away too soon. It was just easier to play bachelor than let someone in. "I've had no shortage of women in my life but, none that I've felt this way for." He still wasn't looking at her and couldn't help but cringe at how badly his words sounded. Here he was, trying to look for assurances all the while bringing up his past conquests. God, he could be such an ass sometimes.

Mac let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. At his words, she felt the tension around them ease and become manageable. It warmed her heart to find he was just as insecure as she was. For two people that seemed so invested in one another, it made zero sense as to why they were not together. Slowly, she rose out of her chair and came around to him, her hand pressing gently against his shoulder. "I've often wondered the same. If the reason why we've never been together was because _I_ wasn't good enough for _you._"

He didn't say anything else on the matter, simply stood and drew her to him, his arms enveloping Mac in a gentle hug that she returned. "Whatever you need, I'm here…Remember that." He whispered before letting her go, taking his cover and briefcase again. He opened the door of her office and took two steps outside before turning on his heel to face her. "Are you okay with groceries? Do you need me to get anything else?" He was finding any excuse to continue talking with her, to share the same space.

Mac nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. "You uh, stocked the fridge for two weeks, not one. You even bought the Milano cookies that I love."

"Double fudge." He confirmed with a grin. He knew what she liked. "I may have gone a little overboard, I guess."

A little? She was pretty sure he even tossed in some of the healthy crap that he touted was better than her dead cow. "It was sweet of you, thank you." Her grin had widened to a full smile, one that reached her eyes. It was the happiest he'd seen her in days and it made his heart skip a beat. "I'll catch you later if the paperwork doesn't drown me first."

"You know, I kinda want you to give me a deadline on how long I have to wait." He shifted on his heels, his tone of voice one of amusement as he rocked from one foot to another. If he had a deadline he could do something special for her, something to woo her as he tried to court her. Didn't women like that sort of attention?

Only his words made her panic and she couldn't help how desperate her voice sounded. "Are you thinking of moving on? I can't blame you if you do… I haven't exactly been..."

"No!" He said quickly, stepping into her office and taking one of her hands in her own which he squeezed reassuringly. "I'm just… well, along with not being romantic, I am an impatient guy. It's the jet jock in me." Harm joked and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her relax. "I'm not going anywhere, Mac."

Once again, the office began to feel small, claustrophobic as all of the intense feelings she had for him bubbled to the surface. She wanted him, always had and yet, something told her to wait, to fix things, to get better. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. Mac felt the ache behind her eyes and managed hold back the tears, forcing them to never spill. She released her hand from his and swatted him playfully on the arm. "Scram, I got a mountain of rubber stamping to do."

"Aye, aye ma'am." Rather than head to his office, Harm stopped just short, watching her with interest through her window blinds. She had settled into her desk chair, wincing as she sat. Damnit, he really wished he knew how to take that pain away and ease anything else that was troubling her. He didn't quite know how long he stood there, mesmerized on how she opened each folder and began to work despite the craziness that was her life. They were the same that way, able to throw themselves into work when the going got tough.

After several long minutes, Mac raised her head up to find him looking at her through the windows. It was unsettling and yet, she couldn't help but flash him a small smile and that was enough to get him focused again. She saw him disappear into his office. When he was finally out of eye sight and let out the breath she was holding since his hand touched hers. Never in a million years could she believe that he would feel insecure about her feelings for him. Harmon Rabb was mortal after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Mac's heart was hammering hard against her chest and a fear unlike anything she'd felt in recent years threatened to take the very breath right out of her. She managed to get away from Harm, after they questioned two Canadian fisherman who had claimed an Ensign had shot at them. She hurried out to the helo deck hoping to get a fresh breath of air and right her senses.

The last month had been a whirlwind of emotions when the doctor confirmed what she already knew: her chances of having children were almost nonexistent. Less than five percent chance that she would get pregnant and carry to full term. Mac had taken the news with her usual Marine stoicism until the moment she slid into her car.

That's when the tears came in a steady stream that turned into uncontrollable, gut wrenching sobs. She had punched the steering wheel several times and even screamed at the unfairness of it all. Instinctively, her hand came to her flat abdomen, which she rubbed through her uniform. She would never know what it felt like to carry a child to term. She would never feel her baby kick and move. She would never feel that bond between mother and child. She would never create a life.

Mac was sure, so damned sure that once she told Harm, she would never be with him. The idea made her cry harder, her hands coming up to her face as the tears seemed to have no end. Her heart ached in a way she'd never felt before not even when it seemed they were lost to each other. It ached with such a stark pain that Mac was sure she would die from it.

In anguish, she pressed her hand against her chest and mourned a love she would never have. Yes, Harm promised that he would wait but, there was nothing left for him to wait for. She was defective, broken and somehow Mac knew she'd been that way for years. She loved Harm too damned much to make him face her burden.

All of her mistakes flashed behind her closed eyelids. Each relationship that she'd carried out because she selfishly wanted something that Harm wasn't ready to give. He had been right years ago when he claimed that if a man was interested in her, she was ready. She could have waited for him, should have seen the signs rather than take Mic's ring or fall into bed with Clayton Webb because she was emotionally bereft.

She should have fought for them, for him and whatever relationship they could have had. It shouldn't have been a stupid five year deal. Why not one or two? Why didn't she push the issue when they were unattached and on equal footing again?

"Because you're a selfish bitch." Mac said out loud and pressed her hand to her lips once the words came out. "Oh God." On top of everything else, she was starting to lose it, to talk to herself when she could just call him. And that seemed selfish too, to put all of her problems on him and hope that Harm could make them go away.

Deep inside, she knew he would never abandon her. Harm was infuriatingly stubborn that way and that posed another problem. How would she extricate herself from him? She needed to put some distance between then, real distance where she couldn't see the caring look in his eyes. Mac didn't want him worrying about her or doing kind things like bringing her a fresh mug of coffee in the morning and then another in the afternoon.

He had been waiting, hadn't brought up her condition anymore but, was being too good and too sweet. There was no more banter, no good natured ribbing. Harm was taking care at what words to use around her and any conversation that should have started an argument, he steered himself away from. She hated that version of him, the watered down Harmon Rabb Jr that seemed to walk on eggshells around her. He'd been so damned good and it was all for nothing.

Why would he want her now? What did she have to give him but a fractured woman with more baggage than any man should have to deal with. She loved him enough to let him go and would do so.

He deserved a good woman, someone who would give him kids and a family.

Not her.

And perhaps that was why fate keep them apart? They just weren't meant to be anything more than friends and they'd stupidly grown an intense infatuation.

Yes. That was all she felt for him, an infatuation that could feel like love. Mac didn't love him and he didn't love her. They were friends, good friends. Best friends. "Then why does this hurt so much?" She said to herself before a fresh wave of tears fell from her eyes. Why did her heart feel like it was being ripped out of her chest and stomped on for good measure?

He was moving on anyway, she surmised if the way Professor Alicia Montes looked at him was an indication. If Mac was right, Harm hadn't been intimate with a woman since Renee. She couldn't expect him to stay celibate forever. Plus, the Professor was a blonde, a trait that most of Harm's girlfriends shared in one shade or another. And the woman was hanging on his every word as if he were a Prophet.

Though it had saddened her to see him so comfortable with the woman, it would make it easier for him to move on. That notion lifted a bit of the ache in her heart. So, she had wiped away the tears and called Turner to let him know she was taking the rest of the day off. She couldn't go back to the office, couldn't face her friends or him. Harm would know something was up from the moment she walked in.

Mac was thankful they were sent to a frigate where too many prying ears would keep him from asking personal questions. She was dealing, masking the hurt and then he had to drop an anvil on her.

_Creswell._

Scuttlebutt had begun to run rampant about a Marine that could take Chegwidden's position as Judge Advocate General. Being a Marine, Mac was excited about the possibilities and the changes that would come to headquarters. A Marine would square away the Navy and not take bullshit from the sailors in their command. Things would run smoother, smarter and although she would miss Chegwidden, change was a good thing.

And then Harm spoke his name and her World was turned on its axis again. Hell, it was about to spin off into the solar system. Just how many beatings was she supposed to take in her lifetime? If Creswell was appointed, Mac was sure that her career would be scuttled. Despite her not wanting to saddle Harm with her burden, she didn't want to lose him and that would be a real possibility.

Everyone knew about their certain tension. It was evident when they walked into a room together and most assumed they slept together. With her past, why would Creswell think anything less?

"Mac?" She hadn't heard him initially when he stepped out to the helopad only when Harm called for her again using her rank. "Colonel MacKenzie?"

Mac turned to him and found that beautiful grin of his in place. He eyed her from her head to toe making no move to mask the look of desire that he often flashed her with. Once he reached her side, the look changed, his eyes darkened to concern. "You okay?"

"Needed some air. Wasn't feeling too good. I'm better now." Mac began to walk past him and head back into the ship when he dropped another bomb on her.

"It's oficial, Creswell is the new JAG." At his revelation, Harm saw Mac stiffen and she ceased any forward movement. She seemed like she could faint at any moment as the color drained from her face.

"Well, oorah." She said in a sarcastic tone and then pinched the bridge of her nose. "This year is just getting better and better."

"You gonna tell me what your problem is with the guy or?"

Mac lowered her hand and just stared blankly at him. In typical Harmon Rabb Jr fashion, he had latched onto her distress like a dog with a bone. If she didn't tell him he would nag her to death and Mac wasn't in the mood to fight him anymore. "He was the staff judge advocate in Okinawa when I got there. He knew about my affair with John and even made sure he got his letter of reprimand. If I hadn't gotten my rotation orders he would have demanded disciplinary actions against me."

"That was a long time ago, Mac. Why would he remember?" As a lawyer, there were so many cases they investigated, too many to pinpoint as the years passed. It was impossible to believe that Creswell would remember her.

"Marines have a long memory, Harm. He could make my life hell. He could transfer me to another billet." And those were all parts of being in the military, something that she knew could eventually happen but, there was something else that bothered her,the real reason why she feared Creswell. "He could separate _us_."

The way she drew out the last word, made him light up. He couldn't help the grin that tugged at the edges of his lips and the urge to kiss her that came with it. "_Us_?"

"Yes, _us_." She smiled softly at him although the look of concern never left her eyes. "I know you're getting tired of waiting… I saw you with Professor Montes, you've moved on."

"No." He countered quickly and looked around to make sure the coast was clear before taking her hand in his. Harm threaded his fingers through hers and squeezed gently, a reassuring touch that calmed her. "You asked me to wait. I am. I will." Although it was killing him and the desire to give her an ultimatum lingered.

"Which is why I don't want him to send each of us to separate ends of the Earth." God, as fractured as she felt, the way he looked at her made Mac remember why she loved him in the first place.

"We'd make it work."

If they couldn't make it work next to each other for the better part of eight years, how the hell did he expect them to work it out with thousands of miles between them? "Harm…"

"You've changed a lot since Okinawa. Maybe he has too?" He squeezed her hand again in reassurance that he didn't quite feel. Chegwidden had protected them somewhat and it was unrealistic that he and Mac would be in the same chain of command forever. He didn't want to lose her, didn't want to consider not seeing her everyday. The vice on his heart tightened as he let his fingers slip out of hers. "Give him a chance."


	5. Chapter 5

"You cut your hair." Harm noticed when Mac walked into the conference room and took her usual spot next to him. It was just a little shorter than shoulder length and it was all he could do to not run his hands through the silky strands. As is, he reached out and pinched the tips between his fingers unable to stop himself from touching her. She had added a few highlights to it as well and he thought she looked damned cute. Delectably cute.

Mac nodded as she settled in and pulled a legal pad out of her briefcase. "Was getting tired of putting it up… You don't like it?" Why would it matter if he did or didn't? It was her body, her hair and he was not her boyfriend. Harm had no say in the matter.

It had been just over three months shy since Clay's death and she was trying to move on as best as possible and resort her life. Then why did she briefly panic like she had at the stylist two days ago when she decided, on a whim that it was time to change her look? The long hair, while nice when she was dressy was an absolute headache to maintain in the military. It was up in a bun most of her waking hours and required too many products and too much time to keep it manageable enough to keep it ready for work.

On top of that, it was the hairstyle that she used because Webb had liked it. He had mentioned to her at the inception of their relationship that most of his girlfriends had longer hair. Mac would like to think that she had let it grow out of her own volition but, it would be a lie. Her want to please him had turned her into someone she didn't want to be. It made her erratic and desperate not to destroy yet another relationship. That was over now and she found that moving forward and moving on dictated a new hairdo.

"I do like it!" Harm said quickly and just a little too enthusiastically catching the attention of Sturgis and Bud who were sitting across from them.

The woman could go to work wearing a paper bag every day and she would still be just as strikingly beautiful. "But, it matters more what you like, Mac." He just wanted her to be happy again, to see that smile of hers that could stop men at ten paces. And he wanted to be part of the reason she was happy and smiling. Damnit, he really needed a deadline from her, the waiting was starting to kill him.

"It's just the women you've dated always had long hair." Professor Montes has long hair. Mac almost said and bit down the urge to do so.

"We're not dating you and I." He said before turning to her with a full grin. "You're making me wait, remember?" Harm nudged her playfully and was happy to see a soft smile tug at her lips. Just as quickly, it went away and she sighed.

"Right." Mac scribbled something illegible in her notepad. "Clay liked it long." She groaned when the words came out despite them being low so he wouldn't hear.

But, Harm did hear them and he wondered how long she would continue to bring that part of her past up. Why couldn't she see that the man was a cancer? Why did she give so much of herself to him? The thoughts boggled his mind and then he recalled it had been his fault as well. He pushed her to him, didn't fight when he should have. He didn't answer her calls or care to be her friend because his male pride was hurt. "Well, I like it short. You look cute."

Cute? He called her cute? She couldn't help the bright smile that spread across her lips or the way her eyes lit up at his comment. "You think I look cute?"

"Yep." At her smile, Harm's own went up in wattage. He felt a little tug on his heart and that ever persistent urge to kiss her passed fleetingly through his mind. God, if they were alone he would have stolen a kiss and happily dealt with the aftermath. "The shorter hair frames your face better, shows off your eyes. Yeah, you look cute." And so damned sexy. Cute and sexy, Harm decided when those brown eyes held his own in a silent conversation that he missed so much. Part of their old dynamic was starting to fall into place again. Thank God. "Maybe more than cute? You're beautiful, Mac."

She sighed happily at his comment and how good it made her feel. Mac felt some of the fragmented pieces of her begin to heal like Harm had slathered a soothing balm over her soul. He always had this charming side that could make her forget even his worst misgivings. They way he was looking at her now made her feel wanted and loved. "Thank you."

Bud nudged Sturgis and motioned towards his two mentors with a look of absolute shock. He had never seen them that involved with each other, gazing unabashed as if they'd… "At ease, Commander. That's been a long time coming." Sturgis said quietly.

"Good morning." Harm rammed his knee against the conference room table when it took him a second too long to snap to attention as their commanding officer entered. He was so enthralled looking at the woman sitting next to him that he barely stood up in time.

"As you were." Creswell said before pulling out the chair at the end and settling into it. Meticulously, he laid out the files he had in his hands, settling them in neat piles just in front of him and then stared directly at Mac. The man did not seem pleased. "Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie."

At the use of her full rank, Mac's spine stiffened and the stoic, Marine facade slipped into place. She sat straighter and would have come to full attention if she'd been standing. "Yes, sir?"

Creswell stared her down, his eyes casting an air of annoyance that made her wonder if their conversation a week prior was all for naught.

They had cleared the air, so to speak when the older Marine had caught on a tension around her when he was present. When she brought up Okinawa and her youthful indiscretion, he had taken a different approach. Although he didn't brush off her mistake, he had pointed out that she had been stronger for it and that working with the Navy had softened her demeanor. A true Marine would not be concerned with a sordid past merely moved onward and learned from it.

"Secret Admirer?"

"Sir?" Much of the tension that Mac felt had eased considerably which is why she was confused at the way he was glaring at her as if she'd done something wrong. And what in the hell was he talking about?

The look on her face must have been absolutely lost and confused because a second later, Creswell let out a breath of annoyance. "Have you been to your office?"

"No sir, I was stuck on the Beltway, running a little late and came straight to the meeting. Why, sir?"

His glare didn't abate and if anything, his annoyance seemed to grow by the second. It wasn't so much that the General minded the women in his command to receive flowers or gifts but, it was the quantity that he took offense to. "Your office, it looks like a jungle... Flowers. Every. Damned. Where." He punctuated his words, glare unwavering.

Harm could feel her tense next to him and offered a way to put her at ease. "Oh, I don't know, sir. It gives the Colonel's office some character." He grinned at his commanding officer only to be leveled with the same glare that instantly wiped his smirk off.

"Do you know who it was, Mr. Rabb?"

"No, sir." He cringed inwardly and hoped to God he kept his poker face.

"Because, my yeoman has spent the better part of the morning signing for them. Head of security is not pleased." Creswell shook his head at his officers and took a deep breath. He should have known working with sailors was going to be a nightmare. They just weren't squared away enough for his taste, he would fix that or they would feel his wrath. "Forget it… Colonel, get them out if your office by Monday. This is JAG headquarters not a banquet hall."

Once the meeting finished and they were out of earshot, Mac lead Harm through the bullpen towards their offices. "I could kill you for putting me on the spot like that." She said, leveling with an icy glare.

"Not sure what you're talking about, Colonel." He stopped just outside of her office when she opened the door and walked in.

"What did you… Oh!" Cresswell wasn't embellishing, her office really was a jungle at the moment. There were vases with flowers all over, on her filing cabinets, her desk, the window sill and even the small table in the corner. It wasn't a singular type of flower, either - not the roses that she'd come to expect from a man that she was involved with - not that she and Harm were involved. There was a little bit of everything, roses of different colours, azaleas, sunflowers and even a rather large arrangement with nothing but wildflowers and a teddy bear in the middle. She plucked a small white envelope out of a ribbon that was attached to the bear and opened up it up to find a simple message. 'I'll wait forever for you.'

Harm grinned at his handiwork and smiled when she turned to face him. Just in case anyone checked, he hadn't left a name or initial on the gift card but, the sentiment was real. "I didn't know which one was your favorite so…Maybe I went a little overboard." He admitted with a sheepish grin that won him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you." And there was that smile from her, the one that tugged at Harm's heart. He should have done this weeks ago or maybe years ago. She brushed the lipstick stain away from his cheek with the pad of her thumb and then attempted to make some space in order to get to her desk. "I thought you said you weren't a romantic?"

"I'm not." He said, taking two of the vases and placing them at the small table in the corner. "You know, Mac, I was thinking, dinner at my place? You could help me with the Martinez case, kinda stuck on it." He wasn't but, it was an excuse to spend any time with her.

Mac slid into her chair and sighed. God, she wanted nothing more than to spend time out of the office with him. However, her inability to have a baby loomed over her head, a secret she needed to tell him about but, didn't know how to. So, she was throwing herself into work, something she could control, and avoided him.

Besides the night he spent at her apartment nearly three months prior, there was no interaction outside of work. They had settled into a routine and Harm hadn't pushed farther on her condition besides asking how she felt.

He was still being the consummate gentleman and it pained Mac to see him like that. He deserved to be happy. "I may have to stay late. Creswell has me going over the budget report." In truth, she had asked for the extra work in order to stay busy and keep her mind off of her current situation.

"It's Friday."

"And he needs it by Monday."

"Okay, how about a late dinner? I'll wait for you."

"Harm, by late I mean really late."

He figured she was trying to brush him off but, Harm couldn't help but push. It had been nearly three months since Webb's death. Hadn't she said he never fought her? Well, he was fighting now. "Dessert and coffee, then. Whenever you get off just come over, please."

Mac hadn't wanted to concede but, it was the asking in his eyes that made her give in. Desert and coffee did sound wonderful as did his company. "Fine, I'll see you tonight."

It would be close to 2230 when she finally appeared at his doorstep looking absolutely drained and exhausted. She had wanted to go home but, Mac's car had headed towards the Union Station area. Something had drawn her to him, perhaps it was the fact that she did not want to be alone on a Friday night.

Walking into Harm's apartment she found flowers on both the coffee and dining table. Candles were lit in various parts of the loft and some slow music was playing on his radio. If she hadn't known better, Mac could have sworn that this was a date. "I'm sorry I ruined your plans."

"You didn't ruin anything and you're here now." He noticed how exhausted she looked and frowned. "And you're dead on your feet." Damnit, he shouldn't have insisted not if she was going to come to him so drained. "I'm gonna go grab your seabag. Go shower Mac, then you can eat something."

"I'm not hungry." She tightened the hold on her car keys as he tried to take them from her eventually relenting.

"You need to eat something." Harm admonished and then motioned towards his bedroom. "Towels are in my closet. Make yourself at home. I'll be right back."

"Ok." She gave up the urge to resist knowing he wouldn't let it go and what was the purpose of arguing when she'd driven across town just to see him?

Mac took a quick shower and stepped out of his bathroom wearing only a blue towel to find her seabag placed on top of his bed. She fished out her underwear, shorts and a t-shirt - a common outfit she wore to sleep while away from home. Mac quickly dressed and then sat back on the edge of his bed.

She glanced around at his room as if seeing it all for the first time. Her fingers ran over the comforter and without much thought at her actions, she stretched herself out on the matress and laid her head on his pillow. Mac took a deep breath, taking in scent of his cologne and a smell that was very much all Harm. She hadn't intended to fall asleep and yet, that is how Harm found her when thirty minutes had passed since he heard the shower stop running.

He stopped at the edge of the steps smiling at what he found. This wasn't quite the way he wanted her in his bed but, he was happy that she had come to him. He quietly stepped up and drew the comforter over her, careful not to wake Mac.


	6. Chapter 6

Harm had slept horribly, his sofa wasn't exactly the most comfortable of surfaces to rest on but, the alternative was something that added to insomnia. The idea of crawling into bed next to Mac kept him awake most of the night as did the mental images of them making love. He indulged in the fantasy for a short while and managed to reel in his thoughts before he needed a cold shower. The last thing their relationship needed was him acting like a hormonal teenager.

With a groan, he sat up stretching out all of the kinks and then standing up slowly. He cringed at the way his back cracked as he meandered to the kitchen hoping to get the coffee started. It was nearly 0700 and from the few times he shared a room with Mac, it was a cinch that she was already awake. This was confirmed when the sounds of his coffee machine percolating ceased to be the only noise in the quiet loft.

From his room he heard her crying, muffled sobs piercing through the silence and mixing with the sounds of his coffee machine. Harm walked slowly up the steps to his room to find Mac curled up in the center of his bed legs drawn to her chest. Her face was in her hands attempting to suppress the sobs that shook her whole body. "Mac, are you okay?"

He often wondered how badly the endometriosis procedure had hurt and if her stoic Marine facade hid the pain she was in. Was this why she'd pushed him away, for fear of him seeing her like this? It had been several weeks, shouldn't the pain have gone away?

Concerned, he came to her, sat on the bed and took her in his arms. She had resisted for a moment and then gave in when Harm tightened his hold. "Tell me what I can do." Her head fell to his shoulder and he could feel the moment the tears fell, wetting the t-shirt he wore.

Waking in his bed surrounded by Harm's scent reminded Mac of all the things she missed out on due to her stupidity. But, it wasn't just her stupidity it was the incessant need to run away. Mac had done it all of her life, it was something she was good at. Even joining the Marines was a way to run, to escape her horrible life. In regards to Harm, she'd run away too. She never should had gone to the opposite end of the Earth when Mic broke their engagement. And she never should have taken Webb's offer to join him in Paraguay. Both were catalysts that had caused more pain and put chasm between them.

She was running both times, first away from the embarrassment of a failed relationship and the impropriety of Harm's involvement. Second, she was running away from him needing space after how they'd treated each other as they traded time on the bench. What Mac couldn't realize was that she'd run so far that they had run out of time.

She pressed her hands into his chest and pushed him away. "Let me go."

Reluctantly, he acquiesced but, remained seated on the edge of the bed. "Mac, is it the procedure? Are you in pain?" He was desperate to help her and ease whatever discomfort she felt. "I need to know what's going on." She had distanced herself, avoided him at all costs and yet, he waited. Despite himself, he would continue to wait. "Is it… Is it Webb?"

How long did people grieve? Was it different for a lover than a parent or a friend? Harm recalled how heartbroken he'd been over Diane's death, his consolation being the dozen or so letters she'd sent him. He'd read them meticulously, commiting each one to memory, grieving her loss until… Mac.

Seven months he had grieved pretending to keep it together when his heart was shredded. He ached for the years they missed and the future they would never have. After that kind of pain, he vowed not to love again. Yes, he had an infatuation with Annie but, it wasn't the same. And then came Mac who looked so much like Diane and yet, was so much more. He stopped thinking about the other woman, his thoughts primarily tuned to his partner. Harm hadn't wanted to love again and yet, Mac made him fall. He was just too stupid and too scared to take what she offered. Part of him wondered if he was afraid to be happy.

"I'm fine." She said suddenly, trying and failing to compose herself in his presence.

"You're not fine." Harm followed Mac as she stood and headed to his kitchen. "Talk to me."

She took a coffee mug out of his cupboard and poured herself some keeping her back to Harm the entire time. Mac could feel his eyes on hers and she knew he wouldn't let her go without an answer. She had once resigned to the fact that they were never going to work out and yet, here he was waiting for her. Mac was sure he would be celibate forever if she asked him to. The kind of power they held over each other scared her.

"You have a right to grieve him. It's okay to cry and if you..."

"Stop bringing up Clay!" She snapped at him whirling around to face Harm with an angry glare. "You think you know but, you don't. Stop assuming." With a sigh she gripped tightly to the mug and closed her eyes willing a fresh set of tears away. Damnit, she didn't want to think about Clayton Webb anymore. The man had done more bad than good in her life and taken so much when he died. The months they had spent together were all for naught and though she had forced herself to feel something for him, Mac was pretty sure the love she felt was more of an infatuation. Maybe it was more out of desperation; a mistake.

Harm remained rooted in place standing just a few feet away and not knowing what to do. He could count how many times he'd seen her so out control and hoped this would be the last time. He desperately wanted to stop her from crying and felt so damned helpless. "Mac…"

"You want to know if I'm grieving? The answer is yes." And her grief had nothing to do with Clayton Webb. One hand kept a grip on her coffee mug as the other settled on her flat abdomen. He had to know what was going on, she owed it to him to let him make his own decision in regards to them. It would destroy her to watch him move on but, she'd risk it if Harm was happy.

"I have something I need to tell you and I don't even know how to start." Mac said softly.

"You can tell me anything. I told you I'd be here for you and I meant it." Tentatively he stepped closer to her, finally placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're starting to worry me. I can tell you haven't been sleeping or eating."

Mac looks up to him with wonder. How could he know? "You haven't said anything."

"Because you need a friend now not someone to nag at you."

A friend. A best friend, not a lover. She would never know what physical intimacy felt like with Harm - the conversation between lovers. "I can't have your child." She said suddenly after taking one sip of coffee and then studied the back black liquid unable to meet Harm's eyes. She felt him staring at her and an overwhelming sense of dread settled at the pit of her stomach.

Her revelation made Harm feel so gutted and helpless. Was this why she was avoiding him? "Is it that you don't want to or you just can't?" His heart was hammering against his chest aching with each beat it took. He felt a little dizzy and took a breath as he leaned against the cabinets. Did she not want him now? Was it their five year deal that kept her around? The thought was unsettling.

"I can't." She leaned against his cabinet and took a breath as some of the weight came off her shoulders. She would tell him the truth and figure out how to put her life back together when he left. She was good at that. "I physically cannot have children. I won't be able to conceive and if I do, if by some miracle I do get pregnant, I wouldn't carry to full term. Too much scar tissue. I waited too long."

Harm had read about the possible complications and went through countless websites that offered solutions. "Mac, there are other ways. Surrogacy. In vitro. It doesn't matter how it happens as long as it's between the two of us, I told you this before."

Mac shook her head. "I can't do surrogacy, Harm. It would kill me to see another woman carrying our child. There's no beating around the bush, I am infertile. Our deal is null and void." Her tone of voice was harsh and callused, betraying the whirlwind of emotions and pain that gripped her. It was yet another reason for her to grieve.

"I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say or how to make it better. Honestly, in this case, there just weren't any words. He could see the pain in her eyes and wished the hell he could take it away. How many hits would this woman have to take in her life? It seemed like God had it out for her and it wasn't fair.

"I know you've been waiting and I'm sorry that you have but, you need to find somebody else." Angrily, she brushed away the tear that fell. Damnit, she was tired of crying, of hurting. The last year and a half had been surrounded with nothing but pain. Even the good moments with Webb had bled into one argument or another and her self worth had been called into question time and time again. Maybe she was just meant to be alone? And, really, was that a bad thing? All of the men that had been involved with her suffered some sort of catastrophe, Harm was her next casualty. She needed to cut him loose. "You need to find a woman that will give you what you want and what you need. I am not her."

Harm couldn't help the anger that rose inside of him or the want to shake some sense into her, something that he'd been feeling a lot of lately. Weren't they making some sort of headway? Wasn't she getting better? He was tired of this game, tired of sitting on the sidelines when he new what he wanted. "How dare you presume to know who I want to be with!?" He yelled, unable to restrain himself any longer.

"Harm."

"No, goddamnit, you're gonna listen to me!" Roughly, he grabbed her by the shoulders, fingers digging into her delicate skin as he turned Mac to face him. "My waiting has nothing to do with that stupid five-year deal which, I swear to God, I wish I'd never made." It had been nothing but a weight placed on their shoulders, a timeline that was unfair to the both of them. "My waiting is for you, Sarah. I want you . Whether or not you can have my kid or not, it's all about you. I don't care if we spend the rest of our lives with sixten kids or if it's just the two of us. I just want you. Only you."

"Why me? My life is a disaster and I've hurt you so damned much."

Harm released his hold on her and took a step back. He wanted to tell her that he loved and desired her in ways he never thought possible. But, he held back, unsure she was ready to hear those words. "No matter who comes and goes in my life, you've been there. If you still need me to wait I will but, let me know what I'm waiting for. I want you so much that sometimes, I have to actively control myself around you."

Mac's breath caught at his words and the passion in his eyes that she long thought was extinguished. He was looking at her like he had several years prior, the night of her engagement party when they kissed so passionately. Damnit, she wanted to kiss him now, to take her and make her his but, she couldn't. It was too soon. "My boyfriend died just a few months ago. I can't just fall into your arms no matter how much I really want to."

"Why not?"

"Because it wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to him and it wouldn't be fair to you either."

Harm studied her for a moment and finally found the courage to ask her something he'd been curious about. "How serious was it between you and Clay? You told me you loved him."

It was a question she'd asked herself time and time again with no definitive answer. "Honestly? I don't know. We didn't really talk about the future or kids or anything like that. I couldn't see myself having kids with him either."

"Did you love him?"

"I wanted to." But, a want to love someone didn't mean there was anything there. Mac lived for the good moments, the times he would make her feel invinscible. Looking back, those were few and far between. "Look, my character has already been called to question too many times throughout the years. I am not going to smear your name."

"Are you afraid of what we'd look like together?"

"So soon after his death, yes." She had taken her hits and wouldn't be a part of any of his. "That's why I couldn't be with you after Mic left… It was too soon and it wouldn't have been fair to you."

"You should have let me decide what was fair or not, Mac."

As the sun began to rise, the rays shone through Harm's windows casting shadows over his living room and the blanket strewn over his makeshift bed. Mac padded to the sofa and looked down at the sheets with a frown. "Please don't tell me you slept out here."

Harm shrugged, "Didn't want to wake you, you passed out pretty quick."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Putting you out in your own loft? You could have slept next to me." She said, biting her lower lip as the words came out. Mac had slept in his arms before and felt the hardness of his body pressing into her protectively. She needed that now.

"Ah, well. That may not be a good idea." As much as he would have loved having her in his arms being so close to her would be his undoing. Harm was fairly sure he wouldn't be able to stop himself from kissing her and that would just complicate things at the moment.

Although he remained in the kitchen, Mac could still see the heat in his eyes that he tried to hide. An intense stare that was starting to make her resolve waiver. "Are my charms that undeniable?"

She tried to joke it off but, he wasn't laughing. "Yes." Harm couldn't help the hungry look in his eyes or the desire that coursed through him. He was a consummate gentleman and would never do anything untowards in regards to her but, this waiting was killing him. "Do you have any plans for today?" He asked suddenly.

Just like that, the primal look was gone and Mac could breathe again. "Was gonna stay home and clean my bones but, nothing else."

"Are you okay? Healthwise I mean?"

"At my last check up the doc said I was fine. Why? What did you have in mind?" He hadn't pushed her away like Mac assumed he would. He was still there like he said he'd always be. She decided it was time to move things forward a bit, spend a little more time with him.

Mac never imagined she would find herself on his plane again. And yet, that is exactly what happened early that afternoon. He had asked her to go flying and promised to check and double check every inch of his plane. She was nervous, so damned nervous but when 'Sarah' left the runway and cruised into the clear blue skies, Mac felt much more at ease.

"Take the stick." Harm told her over the intercom as he eased the biplane out of a series of dips and dives that had her laughing. It was a sound he missed so much, Mac's laughter was usually contagious. He was not met with resistance and sensed when she took over controlling his Steerman. "She's yours, Mac. Do as you wish."

Mac took a breath as she pulled the stick up bringing the plane skyward feeling the rush of controlling such a powerful machine. "Can I do a roll?" She asked and followed Harm's instructions as he told her exactly the movements to make that were done flawlessly.

"You're a natural." He called out, taking the stick back after letting Mac fly for some time. "I'm gonna have to cut this short, Mac." He motioned out to the left and a storm that was brewing in the distance. "Weather's coming in."

"As long as we can do this again and soon."

"Deal." He promised before making perfect landing and bringing the biplane into its spot in the hanger.

He came to the front and reached up to pull Mac down from the plane once she had stepped out of the fuselage. As he did, he wrapped his hands around her hips and held onto her a moment too long once her feet and touched ground. There was a rush that passed between them and an asking in his eyes as they stood staring at each other.

It was when Harm made to release his hold that Mac wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head down to hers. She kissed him softly, lips pressing gently against his own as she too had grown tired of waiting.

It was a move that had him holding his breath and remaining impossibly still for fear that she would stop. Sensing his tension, Mac pulled away slightly and looked up at him. "You know, kissing works best when the other party kisses back." She pointed out with a raised brow and a grin that Harm would describe as teasing. Something had eased between them since that morning at his apartment and the drive down to Blacksburg. He didn't know how or why it happened but, wasn't going to let the moment pass.

"Permission to kiss the Colonel?"

"Permission granted." Mac pulled him down again once he stepped into her embrace. His hands that were still on her hips came around so that his arms would circle her waist. He kissed her deeply and with an ardor that she'd never experienced before. This wasn't the desperate kiss from years prior when he thought he would lose her another man. This was the kiss of a man that was in love and she knew it.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 -

"Do you have a minute?" Harm glanced up to find Sturgis standing at his doorstep. The last year between the two friends had been extremely tense and both missed the camaraderie. The awkwardness and disdain abated some when Sturgis offered the office back to Harm as an olive branch. To be fair, he really did enjoy the small supply room that he considered an office. The pipes and the overall industrial feel of it reminded him of the bubblehead life.

Harm waved his friend in. "Sure, what can I do you for?" His eyebrow rose in curiosity when Sturgis closed the door behind him and then settled into one of Harm's guest chairs with something of rattled expression. It was very odd to see the man out of sync and for a moment, Harm was very concerned. "Sturgis?"

With a sigh, his friend produced a small velvet box which he placed right in front of Harm. "For the first time in my life, I don't have the words to say."

Upon opening the box, Harm found a simple diamond engagement ring with a rock big enough it surely would consume most if not all of Sturgis' paycheck. "Awww, I didn't know you cared." He tried to joke but, at the serious look in his friend's eyes, Harm relented. "Sorry… I guess I don't have to ask how serious it is."

"I thought I was in love with Bobbi."

Harm snorted, "Bobbi only loves herself, Sturgis. I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did. You're too good for her."

Sturgis took a breath and finally got the courage to ask the one thing he'd been curious about but, couldn't quite bring himself to ask. He knew that things and Mac were dicey after they had both disappeared to South America he just couldn't understand why Mac would go to Webb. "You resigned your commission for Mac, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Because you love her."

"Yes."

"Then why was she with Clayton Webb?"

Harm took a breath wondering for the zillionth time why she had gone to the spook. He wished he could turn back time and go back to that argument they had at the hotel in Paraguay. He wanted her then but, his jealousy got in the way. "Because I'm an ass who can't figure out my feelings for her until it's too late." He said in a rush and smiled sadly. "I have this beautiful woman who wants me and all I could do was push her away. Now she's the one pushing me away." They were quite a pair. Curiously, he kept his eyes on Sturgis as the man took back the velvet box and slipped it into the pocket of his trousers. "You thinking of leaving the Navy, aren't you? That's why you brought up my resignation."

"The more I spend time with Varese the more I consider it. She has a good life, a good career and after the past year, I'm not sure I want to do this anymore." He had taken a blow, a hard one and it had shaken his confidence greatly. With Varese he felt good, whole and happy, perhaps it was time to move life along. "Does Mac know how you feel?"

Harm glanced up to find the object of his affections walking through the bullpen with a stack of folders in hand. Did she know how he felt? "Not in so many words but, we're working on it."

Although Sturgis had never been the type to break a promise, he felt it was time. The secret he'd been hiding for nearly three years was gnawing on him. He couldn't see his friends hurting any longer or caught in a whirlwind relationship that took more hits than a submarine at war. "Mac's in love with you, Harm. She let it slip a few years ago I just… She promised me not to say a word and I… Webb's dead, neither of you are attached. Figure this thing out before you lose her forever."

'Mac's in love with you.' The words reverberated in his head and practically sucked the energy out of the room. Harm sat, staring wide-eyed at his friend. He knew, he supposed that she felt something more than friendship but, love and being in love were two very stark differences.

"We're trying to work it out, believe me." He offered his friend a grin and instantly Sturgis realized the pair had made some headway. "Took her flying with me this weekend. We just haven't exactly done the first date thing." He snorted at how that sounded and how to approach the new dynamic of his relationship with her. They had kissed a few times that weekend, once in Blacksburg and another time when he dropped her off at her apartment on Saturday night. On Sunday they had gone for breakfast and he managed to sneak in another kiss. They weren't exactly laced with passion but, they had been nice and promised so much more.

A knock at his door had both men glancing through the binds to find Mac waiting expectantly. She had a bright smile, something no one had seen from the Colonel for weeks and Sturgis knew it was time to make himself scarce. "At some point, I want details." He told his friend and opened the door to let Mac in. "Good morning, Colonel."

"Commander." She smiled at him before stopping at the edge of Harm's desk. "I thought Cresswell said he didn't want flowers?" Mac said, with an infectious smile. She was going to be tough with him and sternly ask that he not give her more flowers and cause issues with Cresswell but, she couldn't.

Harm leaned back into his chair casually pretending her nearness wasn't making his stomach do somersaults or that his fingers weren't aching to touch her skin. "He said he didn't want a jungle. I figure he could stand a dozen roses."

"Or two?" At his expression she chuckled, he was going to bankrupt himself on flowers alone. "There's two dozen roses there, Harm, not one dozen and they are not red." Most men she was involved with gave her red roses, the common type when you were in a relationship.

"No, they are not. Those roses are orange. At least, they should be orange. They are orange right?"

At the way he was practically panicking, Mac nodded. "They are. Why orange?"

He motioned with his index finger for her to wait and pulled out a little card from his breast pocket. "According to what I researched." He glanced at the card and read out the notes that he'd made. "Orange roses are supposed to mean enthusiasm, fascination and desire."

It was the way he said the last word and how he held her gaze that made Mac's pulse quicken. They hadn't slept together over the weekend, mutually deciding to wait a bit longer. After their kiss Harm was the consummate gentleman and Mac was glad for it. As much as she loved him, she wasn't ready for a sexual relationship just yet. "Do you desire me?" The question came out before she could stop it and she saw something in his eyes that he'd been hiding for months - a heady passion that was overwhelming yet needed.

"Pretty sure there hasn't been a time when I haven't found you desirable."

"You're pretty desirable yourself, flyboy."

They were holding each other's gaze, engaged in one of their famous silent conversations that both had missed. Harm's eyes couldn't help but glance at her lips recalling how it felt to kiss Mac. The memory of her full lips moving with his and the soft moan that she made had him thinking things that were better left out of the office. "Mac, will you…"

"Commander, the General will see you now." Coates' voice interrupted and Mac was visibly disappointed at whatever question he was about to answer.

Harm pressed down his intercom button and rolled his eyes. "Be right there." He stood and came around the desk, pressing his hand to the small of Mac's back as he escorted her out of his office. "I'll come find you a little later."

She shivered at the contact and gave him a soft peck on the cheek before retreating to her office. "Please do."

When Harm stepped into the General's office he was visibly nervous. The subject he was about to drift into wasn't normally the type to discuss with a commanding officer although he wondered a time or two how Chegwidden would have reacted. He closed the door behind him and stepped up to Cresswell's desk, his body coming ramrod straight out of habit. "I would like to speak to you privately sir. It's about a personal matter."

Cresswell knew that working with Squids would be a bit of a headache. They were too soft, to whiny and he was making it his personal venture to keep his command squared away. He didn't glance up at Harm simply kept working on the report in front of him. "Did your former CO often grant private conversations?"

"No sir, Admiral Chegwidden was a former SEAL. He rarely ventured into our personal lives unless warranted."

"Take a seat, Commander. This personal matter, have you discussed it with him previously?"

"No, General. Frankly, sir, it never really came up."

The General eyed the Commander wondering if this sudden conversation had to do with his sexual orientation. It was the way of the military these days and frankly, as long as the person was good at their job he didn't care what team his subordinates batted for as long as the drama was kept out of the office. He straightened in his chair and tried to find a delicate way to broach the subject. "But it has come up now?"

"Yes, sir."

"State your purpose." Cresswell said with a visible cringe. Perhaps Chegwidden had gotten it all wrong when the two had sat down before he took command of JAG.

"I ah… well." Harm swallowed nervously wondering if this was how a boyfriend felt speaking with his girlfriend's father. It wasn't necessarily a conversation that he needed to have but, Harm felt it would keep things with their commanding officer on an even keel. "I would like to change the status of my relationship with uh… Well, with Lt Colonel MacKenzie, sir… We're the same rank, so it's not necessary to air this out but… I would like to court the Colonel." Court? Who the hell used words like that anyway?

Cresswell let out the breath he was holding and couldn't help but grin at the younger man. In all of his years in command, he never had an officer ask to date one of his subordinates. The fact that Harm was being so forthcoming had painted him in a better light. As quickly as it came, Cresswell wiped the grin away and leveled Harm with a hard look. "And you felt the need to tell me?"

Harm shifted on the edge of his seat. "Yes sir… Lt Colonel MacKenzie and I have circled around this for nine years. It was just never the right time and.."

"And it is now under MY command?" The General interrupted with a gruff tone.

Harm cringed. "Our timing, sir has never been the greatest… We miss more than we connect."

Cresswell nodded in understanding. He too had missed a few times with his wife and this job had taken him away from her more times than he could count. Yet, he loved her dearly and they had made a life together that he wouldn't trade for anything in the World. "Do you love her?"

"Yes." Although Harm couldn't really figure out when it had happened only that it did. Sadly, it had taken him too long to figure out that the feelings he had around her was just that - love. It wasn't until her impending wedding to Mic that it started to make sense and by then, it was too late. They'd been on a roller coaster since with no definite end.

"Does she feel the same?"

"God, I hope so." He rushed out hoping he wasn't reading her signs wrong. When it came to Sarah MacKenzie, he wasn't lying when he told her that he needed operating instructions. She had kissed him, they had flirted somewhat but, was that enough?

At Harm's hesitation, Cresswell was instantly on alert. As as JAG he'd seen relationships go south one time too many when only one party held interest. He much doubted that Harm and Mac's dynamic was that macabre but, still, he would always protect one of his own. "This isn't one sided, is it?"

"I don't believe it is, sir... I came to you because of her past and your involvement in it. I need you to know there is no chance of impropriety here."

Ah, now Cresswell understood, clearly MacKenzie had told Rabb about her indiscretion with her commanding officer fifteen years prior. He had made it a point to ream Farrow, a well liked officer that should have known better but, any disciplinary action against Mac would have been light. Cresswell was not the type to scuttle a young officer's career. "Like with Colonel Farrow you mean? I could have brought her up on charges made the Colonels life a living hell but I didn't."

"This isn't fraternization, General. We've been an intrinsic part of each others lives since we met. It's not an infatuation or a whim. I love her more than I ever thought I could."

"I am not as heartless as you think, Commander...Mac was a young, female officer surviving in a man's military when she became involved with Farrow. He was a senior officer that should have known better. I can't fault her because many in the service join to escape a troubled past… She learn from her mistake if not she wouldn't be where she is today...Just like you probably learned from Tailhook being a pilot and all."

"I wasn't involved."

"No but it taught you that goldwings won't get you everything… taught you about consequences."

"That it did, sir." Although he practically did have a girl in every port during the start of his flying career, Harm respected women too much to be anything other than a gentleman.

"You know, Chegwidden told me about you and Mac… We sat down before I took command, he filled me in on the nuances of the staff."

"Oh God." Harm looked absolutely mortified.

"Funny, I said the same… He has a soft spot for the two of you… I believe the words he used were stubborn and stupid."

Harm chuckled, "That we are, sir."

"He also said that everyone knows you love each other but the two of you." The way Harm kept quiet was all of the answer that Cresswell needed. He really didn't care who dated in his chain of command only that they were professional at work. "Permission granted, Commander. Just keep it out of the office. I don't want to send a chaperone every time you go to the law library together."

"Understood sir. thank you." Harm stood up quickly and came to attention turning on his heel when he was dismissed.

"Oh, Harm? You do realize you want ro date a Marine?" Creswell couldn't help is grin and an amused expression at what a sailor dating a Marine would look like. "A female Marine at that. Good luck."

"Thank you, sir." With that, Harm left and weaved his way through the bullpen stopping by the fax machine where Mac stood reading a document that had just arrived for her. "Hey."

"Hey, everything okay?" She studied his expression unable to hide the curiosity as to why he was summoned to the General's office.

"Yeah, can we step into your office for a moment?" At her nod, Harm followed her there stopping to admire his handiwork. It wasn't one or two dozen orange roses, it was three and he hoped not to piss off the General too much. "Are you free for dinner tonight?"

Mac settled into her chair and smiled up at him. "I am. Wanna try that noodle place?"

"No. I was thinking something nicer than that." He leaned against her filing cabinet unsure how one goes about asking a Marine out on a date. It had been on his mind all weekend and a necessary move to further his relationship with Mac. He wanted to see her out of uniform, relaxed with him. He wanted the whole experience of their first date and how it would likely feel a bit awkward at first.

It was the shift in his body language and the expectant look in his eyes that had Mac realize what he was trying to do. It was sweet to see him this way around her, so careful and calculating so she decided to let him off the hook. "You asking me out on a date, flyboy?"

"Yes, I am… Only if you want to." He said suddenly.

"I do."

"Dress nice."

Mac raised her trademark eyebrow. "Dressy nice, casual nice?"

"Dressy nice." He punctuated and his flyboy grin went up in wattage.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"You can have a glass of wine Harm. It doesn't bother me." Mac said, peeking out from behind a rather large and extensive menu of the new French restaurant that he had taken her to.

"I know, not tonight."

"Stop walking on eggshells around me. I'm fine." To reassure him Mac reached out and placed a hand on his, giving it a squeeze.

Hiding behind the menu she couldn't help but smile at his concern. Webb knew about her alcoholism and had kept his drinking in check at first when their relationship was still new. After Sadik, his restraint wavered and he crawled into a bottle of caña and never seemed to crawl back out.

Their dinners out usually meant that Webb would order and drink a bottle of wine followed by a second. She had ignored it, knowing it was a release from his high stress job that lead to evenings of him passing out before they could even be intimate. With time she began to wonder if that would be the norm and how far he would go until he turned into someone like her father.

"Mac, you ready to order?"

Harm's voice brought her back to the present and she released the iron grip on the menu that she barely read. "Ah, no. I need a couple of minutes."

"You okay?" He asked once the waitress had left their table. There was a tension in her body that he sensed and Harm wondered if maybe it was too soon. He hadn't pressured her into the date simply asked and she had agreed.

Mac brought the menu down to look at him. "Yeah, just perusing the menu." She gave him a half smile and raised the menu again. Why the hell was she thinking about Webb when on a date with Harm? Although it wasn't really thoughts, more a comparison.

"Look, Mac if you'd rather not do this…"

His words made her drop the menu to the table in a panic. God, the last thing she wanted was for him to think she didn't want to be here. It was just the opposite, she'd been thinking about it all day…

… Mac was pretty sure she'd been dreaming when she awoke to a knock on her door and a delivery of a dozen purple roses. There was a note attached that made her smile.

_'Purple for admiration and enchantment. See you at 7. Harm.'_

The note made the butterflies in her stomach flip flop more than they had been. "I'm going on a date with Harm. A date, date." It was a concept that both excited and worried her. So, she did the typical girly thing and went shopping with Harriet.

She bought a little black dress that was entirely too expensive along with a bra and panty set to match. For the first time in months, she felt like a woman, like herself. She wanted to look good for him and find something enticing for him.

Harm was on time, for once and when Mac opened the door she found him standing on the other side with a nervous expression. He had on a black suit with a blue shirt and no tie. The shirt brought out the cerulean of his eyes and Harm had left the first three buttons undone.

Mac stared at that little bit of exposed skin and found her mind wandering until he presented her with a dozen green roses. "Green huh?" She took the bouquet from him with a raised brow.

"Green is for the start of new relationships." He pointed out, stepping into the apartment when she let him in.

Harm cast her an appreciative look as Mac made her way towards the kitchen in search for another vase. While she was wearing a simple little black dress, she made the outfit look sexier than it had a right to.

Thick straps came over her shoulders and crossed crossed in the middle in a 'V'. It was knee length with a slit that came up to mid-thigh and showed some of her skin as she made her way back towards him.

His heart skipped more than a few beats when she walked right up to him and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for the flowers. You don't have to."

"I want to. You look beautiful."

"Not too shabby yourself, flyboy. The blue brings out your eyes." She smoothed her hands over his shoulders and then grabbed her purse….

"I want to be here with you, Harm." She assured him with a smile after the waitress had taken their orders.

"You seemed tense for a moment there… thought you were regretting it."

"I was just thinking of Webb."

At the mention of the former spy, Harm's face fell. "Oh." He felt a bit foolish for all of the attention he'd given her of late.

"The few times we went out to dinner he would usually drink too much. One bottle of wine wasn't enough." She admitted with a frown. "And you're concerned about having a glass in front of me…One glass… You're not Webb."

Harm wanted to joke with her but, the look in her eyes made him stop. He reached across the table and took her hand in his. "Webb was a good guy… He made you happy."

"He never bought me roses." She turned her hand over and gave his a squeeze.

Harm had noticed that she stopped referring to him as 'Clay' which was a win in his book. He was surprised the spook never presented her with flowers, it was such a simple gesture and to see her smile as she had made his day.

"So, where do you want to go next?" Harm asked after dinner as they waited outside of the restaurant for the valet to bring his Lexus.

"What are my options?" She knew him well, a man of action would certainly have varying plans.

"We could go see that new movie." He suggested and at her disinterested expression moved on to plan b. "Okay, how about the jazz club by your apartment? Good music, maybe a little dancing?"

"Maybe?" She said with a raised brow and a grin.

"Definitely." Although Harm wasn't quite sure if he'd be able to remain a gentleman if they danced too close. He had fleeting images of Mac's body pressed against his as they moved in time to a slow, sultry number.

The One Step Down was quite the popular place and they were lucky to find a table for two near the stage. The band began a soft number and urged couples onto the small dance floor in front of the stage. It was Mac who took Harm's hand, dragging him out of his seat and weaving past other patrons. They settled into a slow circle, Mac's arms around his neck and Harm's around her waist.

His eyes held her own with an intensity Mac had only seen once from him - on the Admiral's porch so many years ago. So much had passed between them and yet, he still had that look, a combination of desire and love.

Mac knew he loved her, it was a fact that her brain had tried to ignore and convolute. She knew it in her heart by the way he patiently waited and the fact he'd bothered to learn details about flowers.

In the middle of the dance he had dipped his head down and kissed her. It was achingly sweet but, held nothing of the desire Harm failed to hide.

Sooner than she would have liked, Harm was depositing her back to the apartment. Their first date had been pleasant and Mac waited at her door for him to kiss her. He had on the dance floor and she absolutely believed Harm would kiss her again.

Harm pressed a kiss to her cheek and purposely avoided her lips knowing he would not be able to stop. He wished her a good night and disappeared down the hall when a thought came to mind. "Mac?"

She had heard him call her name and eagerly opened the door. "Yes?"

"What are you doing tomorrow morning?" He was grinning at her, that's fabulous flyboy grin that made Mac realize he was planning something.

"Staying in my PJs all day? Why?"

"I'll be by around 9… wear jeans and your leather jacket."

"Leather jacket? Why?"

"You'll see." He said with a grin as he walked off whistling.

It was four minutes past nine am the next morning when her phone rang. "Come down. When you're ready." She did as told, bounding out of her building to find him waiting for her outside.

"You own a motorcycle? Since when?" Her smile widened at the sight of Harm wearing jeans and a leather jacket, his hair all messy from the helmet he'd just taken off. He was straddling a vermillion colored Indian motorcycle. To say that he looked sexy was beyond an understatement.

Each and every carnal bad boy fantasy that Mac had hidden away hit her full force. It was one hell of a contrast to see him in a suit one moment and leathers the next. Dear God, this was the man she was keeping at arm's length? The man was full of surprises.

"Bought her when I was in the CIA. I wanted a little adventure." He gave Mac his hand to help her on the bike and then handed her a spare helmet.

Mac ran her fingers over the leather saddle bags at her side and settled herself behind him. "Haven't been on one in years. She's beautiful."

Harm turned on the motorcycle bringing the engine to life. It purred under his touch as he revved the throttle. "Hold onto me, Mac."

He felt her arms come around him, her head press against his back. It sent a lick of desire through him and Harm had to take a steadying breath before he set the bike into motion.

They cruised through the streets of Georgetown and out of the city towards Virginia and the small town of Occoquan which was less than a forty minute drive away. It was often his place of escape, far away from the craziness of Washington and yet, close enough to travel to.

Harm pulled the motorcycle up in front of a small restaurant on the quaint main street and pointed Mac towards the diner. She was disappointed that the ride has been so short as she was enjoying having her arms wrapped around him. It took a while for them to be seated at a booth by the window. "Get the Belgian Waffle. It comes with a housemade vanilla drizzle." Harm suggested after ordering their drinks.

"Come here much?" She asked as he did not take the offered menu and the waitress had called him by his first name.

Harm nodded. "Been coming for years when I need to get out of town and don't want to drive to Blacksburg." He would often rent a boat and go fishing or just spend time out on the water to clear his head. It was almost therapeutic. "Ever been?"

Mac glanced out the window to see the other shops on main street. "No, never. I tend to stick to Georgetown, sometimes take a boat ride on the canal."

"Come up for coffee?" Mac asked once he stopped the motorcycle outside of her apartment. She handed him her helmet which he slipped into a saddle bag.

Harm glanced up towards her place and took a breath. He was actively trying not to be alone with her in either of their apartments. The ungentlemanly thoughts that ran through his head made it dangerous when he wanted her so much. But, there was an expectant look in her eyes, almost pleading that made him give in. "Sure." He took off his helmet and placed it on one of the handlebars.

Once inside, Harm had barely stripped off his jacket before Mac was on him. Her arms slipped around his neck as she brought his mouth to hes for a kiss that was not exactly slow or gentle. It made Harm's resolve crack immediately as he walked them towards her sofa.

They tumbled into the cushions, his body coming over hers as Mac opened her legs so he could settle closer to her. Even though their jeans the contact made him groan as did the feeling of her hands slipping under his shirt to trail down the expanse of his back.

He kissed her lips fully and then trailed kisses from her mouth to nip at her jaw as his hips ground into hers. Mac's legs came up, wrapping around his waist. She wanted him so bad, always had really but, could never imagine that it would be this good or intense.

Harm felt a tightness at his groin that he tried to ignore when his mouth stopped at a spot on her neck, just below her ear that made her growl. "Make love to me." She begged as her hands frantically tried to remove his shirt.

With a groan, Harm forced himself to stop, quickly moving off of Mac and sitting at the opposite end. His breath was ragged and his groin was aching terribly. "We can't, Mac. I'm story." He said, although his body said otherwise. "I don't want to move too fast."

"Too fast?" Mac couldn't hide her disappointment if she tried. He own breasts was ragged in her heart was about to beat out of her chest. Warmth had pooled to her core and every nerve on her body was on fire and aching to be touched. "We're practically at a snail's pace here, Harm."

"I want to. I just…" He trailed off for a moment unable to explain to her his reservations. Too much had happened in the last year and he wasn't going to rush things and destroy any of what he'd accomplished.

"You won't hurt me, if that's what you think. The doctor says it's okay for me to have sex." She sat up and put some space between them, settling at the opposite end of the sofa.

"It's your heart I'm worried about." She said sadly, wondering if it was still anything that she felt for the man that had died. "Webb?"

His mention of the other man disturbed her and it was in the first or second time in the last months that she wished she made a different choice. "I don't want think about Webb when I'm with you, Harm... I don't."

"But you do." He accused, recalling she had the night before. It was natural to think about an ex but he didn't have to like it.

"Because I see the difference between the two of you. And I see how stupid I've been." She could have never imagined that Harm would hurt so much over it or that their friendship would take such a blow. "I wish I hadn't been so weak when all I ever wanted was to be with you."

"Me?" He had the nerve to seem surprised like he didn't know. And perhaps he didn't. In retrospect Mac too have never been willing to admit her feelings.

Mac sighed, "God I hate myself sometimes for being so... consumed by you." She gripped her hands together trying to explained what had happened and why. "When he and I finally…" She couldn't say it though and admit to Harm what he already knew.. "Trust me, it didn't happen until after Sadik... I... God dammit... it was you I was thinking of."

And that had been the crux of it all, the reason why she and Webb never could quite reach a specific level of intimacy. They had sex but, it often left her feeling emotionally bereft. And it all had to do with Harm or rather, the fact that Clay wasn't Harm. "It was you I wanted to be with not him.. and I... I just couldn't be wrong about a relationship again especially when you acted like you didn't want me."

He had acted that way hadn't he? Harm he'll let his bruised ego dictate their relationship. He acted like a little kid who had his favorite toy taken away and then wondered why she chose Webb over him. "Mac... I ..."

"Why didn't you fight me?" She asked the one question that had been burning for years. "And I'm not talking about Webb. Even with Mic, why didn't you fight me?"

"Because I wanted you to be happy and I wasn't exactly doing a good job at that." He had hurt her in Sydney and couldn't scramble fast enough to make amends. He had hurt her again in Paraguay with that line about her exes.

"I am happiest with you." Mac stood and walked over to him, dropping herself into his lap. She wrapped her arms around him and let out a breath when he did the same.

"Look, we don't have to rush this, we don't. I am not going anywhere... I swear it... You asked me to wait and I will, without complications." Harm brushed a strand of hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear when she leaned back to look at him.

She knew he meant it, the look in his eyes told her so. Harm would wait forever if she asked. She pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I love you."

In former years she would have been upset with him for not immediately replying in kind but the look in his eyes spoke volume. Harm had shown his love for her in so many ways in the last few months, she didn't doubt what he felt. "I know you love me. You don't have to say it.

"It's a little more that just loving you, Sarah."

"You're in love with me."

"Yes." He admitted with a sheepish grin. "Give me a little time. We have a long weekend coming up. We could go away together."

It was the way he mentioned the long weekend in that calculating way that had her realizing Harm had planned something. "Do you have something in mind?"

"Yes… A bed and breakfast in the mountains and I'm not telling you anymore." Harm had done his research, searched for a place with the best ratings that wouldn't take too long to drive to.

"And you claim you're not a romantic."

"I'm not." He scoffed at the thought, romance just really wasn't his thing. With Mac, he wanted things to be right, special. "I'm not quite sure how to do the romance thing." Harm admitted which earned him a sweet kiss.

"The flowers, dinner, dancing… a weekend together. You're doing it."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Harm practically bounded up the steps to Mac's building whistling happily as he used the key to enter. He was holding a bouquet of 12 beautiful red roses and a card that was written by hand with a message that was far more personal than the few lines the florists had placed in other arrangements.

The week seemed to crawl by and although he missed her, Harm was grateful for a TAD that sent him to Pensacola for a few days. It was easier to control his burning desire if he didn't have to see Mac every day.

Damnit, did he want her. So badly that his mind kept tormenting him with vivid images of that night on her couch. He was foolish to stop her, he knew but, their first time needed to be more than a romp on her sofa. After so many years of misunderstandings and hurt, he wanted to do this right.

As he rode the elevator, his mind began to wander again curiously unraveling images of what she would look like naked. Harm indulged in the image and the thoughts of her beneath him, murmuring his name, encouraging him to continue pleasing her.

Then there were the other images, one of her atop him, his hands on her hips as he guided her. Mac's breasts… "Ugh." The ding of the elevator brought him out of his reverie and Harm had to take a moment or two to calm himself. "Breathe, Hammer." He said out loud and took a few breaths before stepping out and heading down her hallway. They had to consummate their relationship this weekend or Harm was sure he would self-combust. By the way that Mac had practically begged him to make love to her, he knew she felt the same.

He had never wanted a single woman as much as he wanted her. And it wasn't just sex, it was everything that came with a relationship. Harm wanted to wake up next to her, to lay on her sofa watching movies together. He wanted to make her dinner and breakfast in bed. He wanted to watch her cleaning the dinosaur bones on her table. He wanted to know more about her, the secrets that she'd never told him in the last nine years. He wanted to come home to her every night. Home was with her.

Harm knocked on the door and waited patiently for her to open. He couldn't remember the last time he'd taken a woman on a weekend getaway. More than likely it had been Renee and if he recalled correctly, other than great sex, the rest of his time away was spent with her on the phone.

He expected Mac to welcome him wearing jeans and a light sweater. Instead, Mac was in sweats, hair a complete mess and her eyes were bloodshot from crying. There were deep circles under her eyes, a sign that she had not slept much, if at all. She spoke to him and widened the door for Harm to come in. She had said something that he chose to ignore only to have her repeat it again.

Oh God, no. Not now. Harm closed his eyes tightly for a second and although he tried to fight it, anger coursed through his veins in an immeasurable speed. "What?"

"Webb's alive." She clarified for him, punctuating each word.

Harm visibly deflated in front of her, his shoulders slumping at the news. The brilliant smile he was wearing disappeared to be replaced with a scowl. Hell, even his partial erection was gone and there was nothing left of the happiness he felt moments earlier. "What?"

"Webb… He's alive." Mac stood in front of him waiting for some sort of response. She knew it had to be a shock to him as much as it was to her. That part of her life was over or so she thought. She was ready to move on and find herself again. She was more than ready to heal the pieces of her heart in Harm's arms. And now...

"Say something." She pleaded, his silence was unnerving as was the impassive expression that she hadn't seen in years. "Harm?" Mac grabbed his forearm only to have him roughly pull out of her grasp.

His actions hurt and the parts of herself that had fallen into place again began to shatter. Harm was closing himself off, erecting those damned walls that he had lowered in the past few months. "Talk to me."

He moved into her apartment pacing back and forth until he stopped right in front of her with a deadly expression. "Harm, please."

"Please what, Mac?" He glared down at her and his eyes took on a shade of gray that Mac had never noticed before. His jaw was set, teeth grinding and his breathing was ragged and heavy. "You want me to say something? Fine! I don't want him alive."

He said the words with such conviction, such a finality that Mac had no doubt they were true. "Harm." She knew he was hurting now but she couldn't lie to him. When she made to touch him again, Harm stepped back quickly, putting a few feet of distance between them.

"I don't want Clayton Fucking Webb alive." Harm's voice was rough, concealing the want to break down and cry. Instead, he let his uncontrollable anger out. "I want him six feet under in a goddamned pine box wherever the hell his family plot is." (AN: Don't we all! ;))

"You don't mean that."

"I do."

"He needs our help." She blurted out knowing it would upset him more, but she wouldn't lie to him.

"How do you know?" Why would she know unless… Harm didn't want to think of her going behind his back and yet, he knew that was exactly what she'd done.

"I've been poking around."

"When the hell did you have time to poke around?"

"While you were in Pensacola, there was a message on my answering machine that I didn't understand... And then it made sense." She went to her answering machine hitting play to find a message that sounded like nothing but static. Static with a sort of repetitive rhythm, a Morse code.

S-P-Y-D-R

L-I-V-E

H-E-L-P

Harm stared at the device hearing the code when she played it again for him. It was there, indeed - Spider - Live - Help. Only, he didn't want to deal with Clayton Webb. Why didn't he contact the agency? Why the hell did the man always have to wrap the two of them in whatever schemes he thought of. He'd put them in danger too many times to count and this time their relationship had taken the brunt of it.

He thought of the last few months and how shattered Mac had been. And then he recalled the times she'd thrown her tryst with the spy in his face. Would things have changed or moved along if Webb hadn't disappeared? It was certain that Mac would still be dating the spook and Harm would still… Christ, was he actually pining for a woman? "I won't be your fallback guy, Mac."

"My my what?"

"Your. Fall. Back. Guy." He punctuated. "The one you go to when every asshole you date breaks your heart."

His words hurt her in a way that Mac couldn't quantify. Through all of the years and missteps, is that what he thought he was to her? "Is that how you see yourself?" His silence was answer enough. "You are not my fall back guy. Harm… You're everything to me. I love you." Mac moved towards him, hands coming up to touch his face.

Harm wrapped his hand around her wrist and stopped her movement. He didn't want her hands on him, it was easier to stay angry if Mac didn't touch him. "Stop…I can't do this anymore… I'm not gonna get suckered into this with you. . .I watched you with Brumby and then Webb. It killed me.. I can't do it again."

"I'm tired of waiting on the sidelines unto you figure out whatever the hell you want." He held up the roses he was still holding and put them in a small wastebasket that she had just next to the sofa. "Go save Clay or whatever the hell you want to do but don't involve me in it."

"Harm, please. Don't." She begged, but he had slipped out of her front door before she could go after him. Mac stared at her answering machine wishing this was nothing more than a nightmare. She loved Harm, wanted to be with him but felt indebted to Clay. Even if they were no longer involved, she needed to help him. She also needed to make Harm understand that it was him she wanted not Clayton Webb.

She walked to the wastebasket and pulled the flowers out noticing an envelope that was buried inside. Mac tugged at the envelope and pulled out a simple white card with a red rose drawn in the front in watercolours. She opened the card and inside, in Harm's writing was a note.

_'Red is for romance, desire and love._

_Sarah, I can't stop thinking about you. You're in my mind during the day and in my dreams at night. Words can not say how much I love you and always will._

_Forever yours,_

_Harm._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

When Mac drove into her designated parking spot, she found Harm's Corvette already there. She'd called him at least ten times over the long weekend, asking him to return her calls and finally ending the last message on a harsher tone. She knew that telling Harm about Webb would have some sort of repercussion, but hadn't expected him to act the way he did. Analyzing that Friday night, Mac knew she must have looked like hell, like a woman still pining over a former flame - she was not.

Yes, she had loved Webb in a fashion but, it would have never amounted to anything more than what they had. He was too messed up for her and she was trying to keep some relationship alive when it was clear that Harm wanted nothing to do with her after Paraguay.

How she'd fallen into Webb's arms was still a source of constant frustration. She hadn't wanted him that way, not really but, what started out as caring for a friend in need developed into something more. She was hurt, lonely and her best friend was nowhere to be found.

Thinking back, perhaps she should have pressed Harm in Paraguay, made him admit his feelings for her. What she got was his constant pushing away and snide remarks that were designed to hurt. It made her feel so bad that she decided she didn't want him anymore. And here they were, back to a similar predicament. He was pushing her away again. _"I won't be your fall back guy."_

God, those words had hurt. Each time she thought about them her eyes would sting with unshed tears until the waterworks started. Oh, she cried alright, most of the weekend was spent alternating between tears and anger. For two brilliant lawyers, they were morons with words and even worse with listening. He hadn't listened to her, just shut down at her mention of Webb possibly being alive. Harm wasn't her fall back guy and he never would be.

Why did it always have to be like this for them? Why did they both always have to react without rational thought or reason? You hurt the one you love. Mac thought and scoffed at the notion, steeling herself as she stepped out of the elevator and through the double glass doors of the bullpen. She found him standing by the coffee machine, his eyes glancing over at her before he shook his head and attempted to ignore her.

"Morning, Harm." She said as she walked towards him, but he disappeared into his office without so much as a word. It tightened the vice already gripping at her heart and she tried to push down the anger she felt. He was acting like a petulant child whose favorite toy had been taken away. He had plans for them that weekend, plans that she was eager to join him in and then… There was always something in the way or, in this case, someone.

Damn you, Webb. She retreated to her own office, casting a glance through Harm's windows which wasn't returned. They had come full circle once again and she recalled the stifling emotional baggage from both her failed wedding with Mic and Paraguay, two times when their relationship was hanging by a thread. It felt worse now, heavier and she wrestled with how she could make things right.

Mac entered her information into the computer and popped open the inter-office chat software. She selected his name from a drop down screen and sent one single message across the chat window:

_Hey. I know you're angry with me but, I need to talk to you. _

But, her message was met with silence until a prompt showed up

_'Cmdr HRabb, has logged off.'_

Once again, she looked through her windows and into his office and once again he ignored her. "This is gonna be a long day." Mac said with a big sigh while reaching for a folder atop the massive pile on her desk. And it was going to get longer.

Over the weekend she hadn't been able to dig up any information pertaining to Webb's whereabouts. From experience she knew that though Langley would still be operational, most of the office staff would be gone for the long weekend. Calls to Kershaw went unanswered and she knew her hope lay squarely on Webb's assistant, Laurie June. The woman often acted aloof which was a cover of sorts. Porter Webb had also ignored her calls leading Mac to believe something was definitely happening.

She had gone to Webb's apartment and used an old lock picking kit to gain entry. For some reason or another, they never exchanged apartment keys. Not that she asked for one and she figured he could likely get into her apartment whenever he wanted to. And he had, once, before she nearly chewed his head off for the intrusion.

The more Mac thought about it, maybe their relationship had been based soley on sex and even that hadn't been so great. He satisfied her enough but there was always something missing, something off. They didn't talk about a future, certainly hadn't discussed kids. He stopped taking her out as well and dates that had been commonplace when he was trying to impress her ceased to occur.

Mac frowned at that and realized for the hundredth time that her relationship with Webb was meaningless. It was meant to pass the time and ease her lonely heart and never should have progressed past friendship. Yes, she did hurt over his death, cried over it as well. But, things that she had been repressing began to click and make sense. Everything that seemed right months ago was so out of whack now. She glanced up again towards Harm's office when she felt his gaze on her which dropped the moment they made eye contact.

She turned her gaze over to a picture atop her filing cabinet, one of them in Afghanistan. Despite nearly being killed by a bombing run, it was one of her favorite assignments with Harm. They had been close then and Mac could sense that something more was on the horizon. For those short minutes when they lay wrapped around each other in the middle of the desert she felt whole.

Plus, they were spending so much time together - weekends at the park, almost nightly dinners if they were both in Washington. It was good, relaxed and, if she had to put a term on it, they were dating - sort of. Maybe dating without realizing that the late night dinners, running on the weekends and brunch on Sundays were a series of dates. It just hadn't taken the natural progression to physical intimacy although there had been a time or two where it seemed he wanted to kiss her.

And then Bud's accident happened and their whole world was turned upside down. The closeness began to slip away and their respective times on the bench had started to entrench a casom that deepened with Paraguay. Why had she been so stupid?

A knock on her door brought Mac out of her reverie and she waved Bud in. "Ready to deal, Colonel?" He said, stepping in with various files in his hands.

Harm had been at the office a good two hours before Mac had arrived. He hadn't gotten much sleep over the weekend and also hadn't spent much time at his apartment. He feared that Mac would go to him and the words that he would use in anger if she did. So, he headed to Blacksburg, spending the weekend flying Sarah and camping on in the woods alone.

It was always comforting and soothing to be up in the air, gracefully controlling acrobatic movements and quickly racing for the clouds. He normally felt at peace there, using flying as a way to soothe the wrongs of his life. This time, it just did not work. Yes, there were times where his concentration on keeping the plane airborne was his sole thought but, in the span of seconds, his mind would conjure up images of a night spent running away from poachers.

Before their harrowing experience, Mac was having fun, squealing with delight as he pushed the plane to its limits - effectively showing off his prowess as a pilot. He loved her laugh, the giggles and the way she shouted his name when she believed they were out of control. The added jealousy that he had named the plane after someone he loved was just icing on the cake. It had given him a surge of male pride although he hadn't realized why. He was attracted to her back then, always had been, he surmised but, she was a friend, his partner.

After the debacle with Kate he wasn't going down that road with Mac. So he steered clear of any romantic involvement and pushed her to the arms of another not once but twice. He was far too noble to get in the way of her happiness even though he knew she would be happiest with him.

This time, after Webb's death he had decided to step up to the plate before she was taken away from him again. He was taking it painstakingly slow, making sure her health was back to normal and that her grieving for the spook had abated. In the last few weeks they seemed to be on the same wavelength and he craved her company.

When they kissed after a Sunday spent on his motorcycle he understood just how much he needed Sarah MacKenzie. Every single romantic intention that he had buried in regards to her was now prominently on his mind. It was almost unfair that she had that kind of hold on him and yet he wanted it that way.

Harm also found that it made him happy to make her happy. Any little thing he could do to make her smile was carefully constructed and presented. He had used the internet and the help of a local flower shop to learn about roses and the meanings for each kind. It was stupid, soemthing he figured she would scoff at but had won him that smile again. After that he couldn't stop himself.

The long weekend at a bed and breakfast had been an idea of his for them to have neutral ground. He didn't want their first time to be at his place where he'd had his fair share of sexual interludes with past girlfriends. The thought that Mac had similar interludes with her exes in her apartment made him uncomfortable as well. He just didn't want to think about Mac with anyone especially Clayton Webb.

Cringing at the thought, Harm reached for his mug of coffee and took a deep swallow wishing it was laced with something stronger. "Ugh."

Sex with Webb had to be the most boring thing in the world, he thought, considering how hoity toity and straight laced the fomer CIA officer was. "Probably seran wrapped the bed." He scoffed and raised his head up from the file he was working on to find Mac staring at him. He held her gaze for a second and then looked back down at his file, trying to ignore the conflicting feelings inside of him.

Damnit, he wanted her so badly and she had obliterated him with just two words 'Webb's alive.'

Harm was sure he couldn't feel more heartbroken if he tried. He thought it had hurt when she went to Mic or when she spewed that damned 'Never' comment in Paraguay. Those were merely painful but, he could deal with it and keep moving on. This time, it was a full blown heartache that he had never experienced before. Not even Diane's death had shaken his foundation so much.

He felt torn to pieces and spent the weekend cursing the day that he met Mac in the rose garden._ "Don't get too familiar, you're gonna work together."_ Chegwidden had warned them but, Harm was sure he would have fallen for her anyway, it was inevitable. With a long sigh, he pulled himself out of his thoughts and tried to get through the file he was reading. It was going to be a long day.

"I'm done with this conversation, Bud." An hour later, Mac stormed out of her office and made a beeline to the kitchen for some much needed coffee. Negotiations with Bud weren't going as expected and she realized that perhaps she and Harm had been a little too good in mentoring him. She poured herself a cup, took a sip and instantly winced at how terrible it tasted. "Good for nuthin' squids can't even make a decent pot of coffee." She proceeded to dump the rest down the drain when Creswell walked in behind her. "What?!"

Mac turned on her heel and immediately blanched at the tone she'd given her CO. "Sir, I apologize, I thought you were…"

"Another squid?" He grinned at her and motioned to the coffee pot. "Please tell me you're making Marine grade?"

"Is there any other, sir?" She busied herself trying to ignore the fact that Creswell was watching her every move. They were on good terms but, having your commanding officer watch you make coffee was rather unnerving.

Creswell stared at his chief of staff noting her exhausted appearance that she tried to hide, and failed to, with makeup. He wondered if her current demeanor had something to do with Rabb and cringed at the thought of having a pissed off female Marine under his command. He noted how early the Commander had arrived to the office sans Marine when the two had been inseparable of late. "Problems with a certain sailor, Colonel?"

"Yes, sir." Mac sighed and although she tried to stop herself, the words spewed from her like venom. "He's obtuse, obstinate, frustrating, unfeeling, uncaring and… and…"

"I take it you aren't talking about the Brunswick case." He stopped her tirade and cringed.

"No, sir."

The General had been known as a hardass but, there was a lighter side of him that was rarely seen. He cared deeply for the men and women under his command and there was something about Mac that he admired. "Want to get out of Dodge for a while?"

Mac eyed him suspiciously. "What did you have in mind?"

"TAD to San Diego for a few weeks." He was going to offer the assignment to Commander Rabb knowing that his parents lived out West but, Mac looked like she needed the time away.

"I'll take it."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Harm managed to secure early. To be fair, he really hadn't been feeling well when he spoke to the General a good three hours before quitting time. So, he headed home and noted that the migraine that had been drumming in his head all day had abated.

It was Mac, he knew or the current mission to avoid her at all costs. She had accused him once that running away was his MO and she may have had a point. Then again, he didn't want to be near her at the moment. He wouldn't stop himself from saying callused words if she so much as brought up Clayton Webb.

He had changed into jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt and then stood in the middle of his apartment, hands on his hips, wondering what he should do. Harm never went home early unless there was a good reason. Shrugging, he pulled open the fridge and grabbed a beer draining half off it in one pull.

Harm took the bottle with him to the living room and grabbed the guitar which sat on its stand. His fingers ran over the fretboard playing some jazzy tune he may have made up. All the tune did was make his mood foul and Harm placed the instrument on the sofa looking at it with disgust. "Not gonna do this to myself." Not again. He'd already moped over her in the past and wasn't about to go down that road again.

Damn he suddenly wished he'd kept the TV the spook had left him once. At least mindless drivel could occupy his mind. He grabbed the beer, finished it off and decided he needed something stronger.

He pulled out a snifter and poured a substantial amount of Cuban cognac that Keeter once smuggled in for him. The liquid trailed warmth down his throat and into his belly. It had been aged to perfection and gave him the most pleasant feeling.

And then there was a knock on the door.

The almost euphoric feelings the alcohol had given him went away at once. "Shit." Harm didn't have to look through the peephole to know it was Mac. He just knew. "What do you want?" Although he hadn't fully opened the door, Mac stepped in and pushed past him. "Sure, come on in."

Mac placed her jacket and purse on the bar and then turned to face him. She took a breath, suddenly unsure how to start. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to formulate something intelligent to say when he stared at her with a look that could kill. She was leaving the following day and needed to see Harm before she left. "Can we talk?"

"No."

She noticed the set of his jaw, the way he ground his teeth together when she spoke. He was really taking this thing with Webb hard and Mac really didn't understand why. She told him she loved him, wanted him not Webb. "You promised to be there for me always."

"And if ever you're in trouble, I will be. It's what we do for one another." And he would come to her aide if something was wrong. He had this innate need to keep Sarah MacKenzie safe and nothing would change that but, a relationship was another thing. "Other than that, I have nothing to say to you."

"Well, I have lots to say to you." Mac wasn't going to let things go this time and go back to their status quo.

"Oh? Weren't you the one who told me there would never be anything between us? I should have taken that to heart."

Mac resisted the urge to slap the smug expression off his face. The man really could mope and get callused when he was hurt. She supposed she did the same but, with Harm it was amplified as if he were the only one going through this. "We've always had something between us and every time it seems we're getting somewhere…"

"Dug up anything on our favorite spook?" Abruptly, he cut her off not wanting to talk about love or feelings or any other emotion that never seemed to serve him well. "Is the creep alive or not?"

"I hate you when your like this."

He grinned at her expression and walked to the coffee table to grab the rest of his cognac. Harm sensed her eyes on him and noted that she didn't answer his question although he didn't really want an answer. "So? Have you?"

"Going to Langley in the morning before my flight." She knew it would hurt him to know she hadn't given up on the message Webb had left but she wouldn't lie to him either.

"You really can't leave it alone can you?"

Mac hated how his voice sounded, like he was the only one hurting over this. Like this was her fault that her dead boyfriend may be alive. In truth, she didn't want Webb any more alive than he did, the man had caused them both nothing but pain and trouble. "You didn't either, Harm! Remember, years ago when Webb asked you for help? You risked life and limb for him. Hell, you even left me behind, went without back up to face Palmer in a situation you knew nothing about."

"Sounds like you going to Paraguay. You left me behind to follow Webb into a dangerous situation. I guess we're even."

Mac really did hate when he was like this as his irritational side took over and he was fueled by nothing but emotions. "Harm, please… listen to me." She walked up to and stood in front of him, just a breath away. Her hands went up to the sides of his face and she forced him to look at her. "I love you… if he's alive it won't change how I feel about you. I. love. you." Mac saw his the look in his eyes soften as if her words had managed to sink in somehow. "I love you, please understand." She said again and pulled his head down to her so that her lips could press against his.

Harm blamed the liquor he'd consumed for the resolve that had wavered slightly. Or maybe it was the combination of her body that was now pressed against his and her tongue that had broken the seal of his lips. Her hands encircled his waist and slid under his shirt to glide over his spine until the rational part of him clicked back into place. "Not gonna let you seduce me." He said against her lips and took a step back so that her hands fell away.

Mac stared at him for a moment, her heart breaking again over him. "Seduce you?" Out of all the words he'd ever said or could say to her, nothing hurt more than that. "Seduce you." It hurt to think that was how he saw her, a desperate woman needing physical intimacy with a man - any man. Again, she wanted to hit them, to knock some sense into that thick skull of his. Again, she wished Webb had never entered her life and that she was strong enough to push him away.

She willed herself not to break down and cry - she'd done enough of that all weekend. Yet, a pesky tear fell down her cheek. She expected Harm to brush it away with the pad of his thumb but he didn't. "Since you've avoided me all day at work, I came to let you know I'm headed TAD to San Diego for two weeks."

"Have a safe trip." At his words, Mac finally turned away from him and retrieved her purse and jacket. She opened the door and turned to him seemingly to say something else but didn't and he let her walk away.

….

Mac was never a fan of long flights. Actually, she was never a fan of any type of flying. She didn't have a thing for planes like Harm did and couldn't feel at ease in one. For flights like these she always wished she weren't an alcoholic and could indulge in a glass of something or other to calm her nerves. As an alcoholic she wouldn't take any time of medication that could alter her moods and only took pain killers as needed.

Normally, Harm would be on these flights with her offering all sorts of entertainment when they were in the air like cards. The two of them shared a fondness for card games and found it was a fun way to pass the time. She glanced out the window to see the tiny specs of scenery below. It made her realize just how small she was on this Earth.

With a sigh, Mac leaned against the headrest and thought back to her disastrous morning and the evidence she now had though inconclusive. Webb was indeed alive. Part of her was delighted, Webb had been a good friend to her and Harm. He had kept her out of danger, allowed himself to be tortured for her. The other part of her was scared of how she would tell Harm. Mac knew he'd eventually come around but, the uncertainty was killing her.

When she'd originally heard about Webb's passing, her gut instinct sent her to Langley where she found his assistant, Laurie June, packing up his office. She had squeezed the young woman for information coming away with the belief that Webb was dead. It had been a lie, a ploy to keep her off his scent and away from whatever he was up to.

That morning, she had descended on Langley without so much of an invitation. She demanded a meeting with Deputy Director Kershaw and was denied only to bump into Webb's assistant when she made to leave. The young woman motioned for Mac to follow her and they went into what was Webb's former office.

Laurie June had opened up a small control pad on the edge of his desk and punched in a few numbers while pressing her index finger to her mouth - a sign that Mac should be quiet. "Making sure no one listens in."

"He's alive, isn't he?"

Laurie June nodded and handed a small piece of paper to Mac with a series of numbers. "A few days ago I woke up with a message on my machine. I knew it was from Mr. Webb because of the codeword spoken." She watched as Mac unfurled the piece of paper and stared at it in confusion. "Then I receive different messages. Some here, some at my apartment, some on my cell phone. They were all numbers, those numbers. I don't know what they mean."

Mac stared at the paper trying to find some sort of riddle or code to be broken. She was usually pretty good at those things but found no real meaning to them. "Has anyone else seen this?"

"Mrs. Webb and she claims not to understand them either. What are you gonna do, Colonel?"

"I'm not sure. I think he's in trouble, I just… I'm not sure where to start." Mac confessed on a sigh. "What if all of this is a rouse of some sort?" Though Sadik Fahd was dead, the man had associates and they had ruffled enough feathers in Paraguay to piss off plenty of people. I t wasn't too far a stretch to consider one of them had come after her for information not realizing that Mac had none.

As she stared out the window, Mac couldn't shake the eerie feeling that something big was about to happen and only hoped that her and Harm wouldn't be hurt in the process. Without more information, there was nothing she could do.

Mac stood and made her way to the lavatory, pulling out the small paper which she had placed in her bra for safe keeping. She sat on a closed toilet seat and stared at the numbers writing in Laurie June's handwriting. The numbers didn't make sense.

It was a code of sorts and she tried matching each number to its corresponding letter on the alphabet. She could spell a dozen or so words with the letters but, it all sounded like something out of a fourth grade spelling bee. Mac hoped that Porter Webb, a former agency code breaker, could find something to help her son, if it even was Webb reaching out.

What if this was a rouse and she had fallen into the scheme effectively putting herself in danger? Worse yet, what if she'd really lost Harm over it? "Damnit." She cursed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Why couldn't things ever be easy for them? Didn't they deserve a break after everything they've been through?

And how the hell was she going to fix things with Harm? She loved him, wanted him more than words could ever explain and he was trying to take a stance and keep her at a distance. If Harm had been upset with her after Paraguay this was worse to the point of being irrational. He was acting like a petulant child and Mac was torn between being angry with him and heartbroken.

With a sigh, she placed the paper back into her bra and then stood to stare at herself in the mirror. There were lines under her eyes from lack of sleep and all of the healing she'd done in the last few months seemed to stop at once. She ran her hands over her jacket, smoothing her uniform and straightening her spine as she slipped into her Marine facade. The plane would be landing in under an hour and she would use Marine decorum to hide the emotions that were playing havoc inside.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

A heavy downpour of rain and lightning had forced Harm to abandon his morning run in favour of the gym and a treadmill. He hated the machine and felt that it ruined his stride when he was so accustomed to pounding pavement. Nevertheless, he kept a hard pace and then pushed the buttons on the machine to speed up the belt as he sprinted through an interval. His muscles were tensing, aching and he found it a welcomed distraction from the thoughts that had been running through his head for the last few days.

Mac. It was always about Mac and he was getting tired of the constant barrage from his warring emotions. Part of him wanted to call her, to tell her that he was an idiot and beg for forgiveness. He would have to grovel, a lot. He hadn't exactly acted like the same guy that loved her.

The other part just couldn't forgive her for going to Webb in the first place.

Webb. That name also had been thrown around his head for a bit as he too had received a message on his machine at home, work and on his cellphone. They all combined to form a series of numbers that he had no clue how to unravel. So, he'd given the numbers to Bud in a 'for your eyes only' type of assignment with no real mention as to what they were for or who may have contacted him. The younger officer knew better than to ask.

Harm nearly threw the paper away and ignored the messages from the grave only, he couldn't. Mac had been right, Webb was a friend and a man that had safely brought Harm's brother out of Chechnya alive. For better or for worse, Webb was also the man that had kept Mac relatively safe in Paraguay. Had it not been for the spook, Harm would have never met her. Despite his anger at the moment, he couldn't think of living in this World without her. As much as he didn't want to, Harm felt indebted and if spending some time figuring out a number or two would help, so be it.

When his muscles could no longer hold the pace, he dialed back the treadmill. "Morning, Commander." Harm was surprised to find he was so much in his head that he hadn't noticed General Cresswell had taken the machine on his left. The Marine was walking briskly, warming his injured knee before he could put his body through the paces.

"Sir." Harm nodded and ramped up the belt again, grinding out another full on sprint before easing off into a slow jog to cool down.

"Do you box, Commander?" Creswell increased the speed on the treadmill just enough to begin a slow jog.

Harm nodded. "I've been known to spar a time or two." He slowed the machine even more and began walking before placing his feet on either side of the belt as it stopped completely. "Respectfully, sir, I know you'd kick my ass. I've heard about your boxing career in the Corps."

Cresswell chuckled. "Heard how it ended?"

"No sir."

The General pointed down to his left knee which was wrapped in a brace. "Tore a meniscus from pivoting. Tore the other one during the helo crash that got me here."

Harm had heard about the crash and how the Marine had pulled others from the wreckage. Creswell wasn't just some legal weenie, the man was a hero. "Sorry to hear about that, sir."

"As long as I'm not sedentary, it's fine… A body in motion wants to stay in motion and so forth." He placed his feet on either side of the belt and stopped the machine as well. "So what ya say, Harm? Indulge an old Marine." Harm cringed as he followed the Marine to the boxing area.

The second Cresswell's glove wrapped hand landed a punch on Harm's midsection he wished he'd never agreed. "Ooof. Little hard there, sir." He went to cover his ribs only to get jabbed in the jaw which sent Harm back against a wall.

"You're not afraid to hit your CO are you, Commander?"

Although Harm was much taller than Creswell, the old man knew how to box and over take a taller opponent. Because they were boxing and not kickboxing, Harm couldn't revert to other methods to disable Creswell So, he took the punches, trying to find a way to strike. "No sir!" He managed to land a blow on Creswell's chin and although both men were protected with headgear, each punch still hurt like hell.

"At the risk of sounding like a matchmaker..." The General ducked when Harm attempted an uppercut and danced around the officer before he could get another shot in. "Are you having problems with the Colonel?"

The question took Harm so off guard that he dropped his hands at the wrong moment and was punched on the chin hard enough to make him fall to the ground. "Ugh." Christ, he really couldn't get away from her, not even in the gym. "Keeping it out of the office as requested, sir."

Creswell grinned down at the Commander and reached a gloved hand down to help him up. "Not exactly, the Colonel seemed fit to be tied a few days ago."

Harm brought his hands up to block a punch to his midsection and was able to get in a few hits. "We've hit a bump in the road… or a complete derailment. I'm not sure. Oooof." He doubled over when the General landed a solid punch at his midsection, taking the wind out of him. "Jesus, sir, I never want to face you in real match."

"Quitting on me so soon, Commander?" Creswell said, moving backwards and waiting for Harm to compose himself before bringing his hands up to block a punch or two. He allowed Harm to land a few and quickly wound up jabbing Harm's chin a few times. "Oh, come on Harm. Hit me, I'm letting you."

"You asked for it." He straightened then, shook his head and hurled himself at Creswell knocking a few solid blows to his midsection and chin. Winding up again, he hit Creswell with an uppercut that sent the older Marine stumbling backwards. He recovered quickly and began stalking Harm landing a blow that nearly knocked the Naval officer out.

"You have a tough chin." Creswell moved to the side, avoiding a punch but not one that came to his chin and made him stumble. He pulled off the headgear and conceded to a tie which Harm gratefully agreed too. "So you and the Colonel are through then?" He said casually as he pulled off the gloves and tucked them into his gym bag. "I really do not want a pissed off female Marine in my command. I am all for women in the military but, from experience from when I've pissed off my wife, it's not something I want to deal with."

Harm sighed and sat against the wall as he worked on getting his gloves off. "We're used to being pissed at each other. It shouldn't be a problem. We can be civil at work or she can just run away again."

"Is that what you think happened? She ran away?" At Harm's blank expression, Creswell shook his head. "I gave her the assignment because it looked like she needed time away. I guess I was right." He began unfurling his hand wraps and rerolling them. "Relationships aren't meant to be easy, if they were they wouldn't be worth fighting for."

"With all due respect, sir. You know nothing about Mac and me just whatever scuttlebutt landed on your doorstep." He stared up at his CO with a confused expression. Never had he had a commanding officer take such interest in his thing with Mac. Chegwidden had, mercifully stayed out of it although he'd often dropped a few hints here and there. Creswell seemed to actually be invested and it was disturbing.

"I once asked you if you loved her - has your answer changed?"

Harm sat there for a moment, floored by the question that he had been asking himself for the last few days. Did he still love her? "Yes. I love her and I probably always will."

"Then you have the answer you're looking for."

He raised his brow in question and snorted at the older man's answer. "Who says I was looking for answers?"

"A man who knows a thing or two about almost losing the love of his life." He took a long drink of his water bottle and then placed it on the floor so that he could use the wall to stretch. "We're military. I'm a Marine, you're a fighter pilot. We're prepared for the contingencies of war and treat relationships as such, always preparing an offense."

Harm digested that piece of information for a bit and sighed. "I've fucked up… pretty bad." He admitted.

"Fix it." Creswell said and then grabbed his bag. "From what I read on your service record, you were born in La Jolla."

"Yes sir. My mother and step father still live there."

"Stones throw from the Naval Base in Coronado, isn't it?"

"Depending on traffic.. it's a about a."

"Colonel MacKenzie is TAD to Legal Services South West for another week or so." The General interrupted. "If memory serves that's in Coronado."

"It is." Harm grinned at the general. "Thank you sir."

"Oh, Commander? She's a Marine, groveling does not work on Marines."

Of that he was sure. "I'm open to suggestions."

Creswell thought for a moment. "Be prepared to spar." He punched Harm hard on the shoulder and disappeared into the locker room.

Mac sat in the conference room and pinched the bridge of her nose. It's not that she wanted to hate Lt. Gregory Vukovic but, it was becoming insanely easy. The younger officer was a brash alpha male kind of attorney which, at first, had reminded her of a young Harmon Rabb Junior. Only Harm wasn't disrespectful to a senior officer and knew his place in the pecking order. Yes, Harm could be an arrogant jerk and had used some tactics that she disliked to get to the truth but, Vic was just despicable.

She was more than certain that the Lieutenant had planted information in order to best his opponent in the case earning him a win that Mac wouldn't acknowledge although the members had sided with him. The last few days she'd spent more than enough of her personal time trying to discover the truth with the intention of bringing him up on charges.

And then there was something else that, at first, she found slightly amusing - Vukovic was hitting on her. It was something that she'd been used to as a woman in the military. The old guard didn't think much of the fairer sex and she'd had to dodge enough unwanted male attention to last her a lifetime. With Vic, the flirting was cute at first until he mentioned something about the way she filled out her uniform.

He had tried to take the comment back but, Mac had him snapping to attention. His words made her feel dirty and cheap, hashing out her past with Farrow and a mistake she would never make with a junior officer. It also upset Mac greatly that the man was trying so hard to make a name for himself by treating a senior officer in such a fashion."I'm here to clean up the mess you made Lieutenant. So knock off the jokes and the grabass before I personally scuttle your career. You are an officer, act like one. Dismissed."

"Ugh." She groaned and began to massage her temples and a headache that was trying to form. The paperwork in front of her was starting to blur and become hazy. Consulting her internal clock Mac realized that she'd been researching for the better part of three and a half hours. Only it wasn't a JAG case that she was working on. On the table she had the paper that Laurie June had given her with the numbers she still couldn't make heads or tails out it.

Mac was very intelligent and usually had no issues deciphering codes. She had a knack for numbers and most scientific things. Why the hell was this code so hard to break? And why was Porter Webb avoiding her like the plague? She had made no less than three calls to the Webb family matriarch only to be told she was either away or busy.

It was the tip she needed to realize that Mrs. Webb knew so much more that she'd lead on. The whole thing made Mac a little desperate and she despised the feeling. She needed to know the truth in order to move on with her life.

And if he was alive… what then? A knock at the conference room door brought her out of her thoughts and Mac looked up to find Vukovic standing on the other side of the table. "May I help you, Lieutenant?"

"Ma'am there's a Commander Rabb on phone for you." He raised a brow when Mac's face went white.

"What?"

"Commander Rabb, he's on line two."

Mac pinched the bridge of her nose again and sighed. "Tell The Commander that I left for the day." She grabbed the paper with the code and stuffed it into her briefcase as she stood.

"I may have told him you were here… Uh, ma'am." Vic watched as she hurriedly grabbed the files from the table. "Ma'am, where you going?"

Mac rushed past the junior officer and made her way to the door. "To the gym. Tell the Commander whatever you want." She was still more than a little upset with him.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Mac stepped underneath the barbell that was locked at shoulder level on the Smith Machine. She prefered free weights but, with no one spotting her the cage allowed for the barbell to lock in place when her grip began to slip.

She positioned the barbell at her shoulders, freed the bar and began to knock out squats. It had been some time since she last enjoyed the therapeutic effects of the gym. Mac squatted down deep, almost at a sitting position and then gracefully stood back up.

Using lower weights than she was used to meant more repetitions and she cautiously went through the movements careful not to do too much too soon. Her vision was focused on the mirror behind the machine as she watched her quads tense from the strain.

The gym at the base was practically empty which is why she immediately noticed a tall male heading her way. From the reflection in the mirror she saw him approach. "Why are you here?"

Harm casually leaned against the machine where he wouldn't disturb her workout. "We need to talk."

Mac stopped mid-squat and glared at his reflection. "You flew to California to talk to me?"

He nodded. "I have a few personal days on the books and a light caseload."

Great. She thought with a huff and then locked the barbell before turning to face him. "I don't want to talk to you. I've had a rough few days… just let me workout." She pushed past him and headed to an empty row of treadmills choosing one in the middle only to have Harm follow.

"How about we spar a little?" Harm asked with a smile as he hopped onto the machine next to hers and began running at the same pace as Mac.

"Spar?"

"Yeah… kickbox, hand to hand… we used to do that."

"It's been… years." They hadn't fought since she agreed to marry Mic, she deduced and found it was part of a long list of thing she missed about them. Their sparring matches were legendary and a fun way to blow off steam when one of their cases had left them wound up.

"Okay," She conceded and then stopped the treadmill. "But I'm pretty wired. Not gonna go easy on you."

Her threat made him grin. "I expect nothing less, Colonel." Only he didn't realize the amount of pent up anger that Mac carried. Sure, she had been pissed at him before but, it always smoothed out at the end.

The woman circling him on the wrestling mat was staring at him with a deadly gaze. He deserved it, Harm knew. He played the part of a jealous jerk and deserved whatever she would dish out at him. "C'mon, Colonel. Hit me with your best… ooof." Her side kick to his midsection packed a bit more of a wallop than he remembered and it nearly too all the air out of his lungs.

"You dropped your hand, left yourself wide open." She pointed a gloved hand at his side and backed up long enough for Harm to compose himself.

Harm straightened up and took a breath. "Try that again." He bounced on the balls of his feet and came in close to land two soft punches to her midsection. "Block those, Marine."

"Stop going easy on me. I won't break." She spun around, attempting to kick his side again only to have Harm stop the kick by grabbing her leg and sweeping the other. The motion made Mac fall onto her back and he quickly straddled her hips.

His hands wrapped around her wrists as Harm pinned Mac's hands to the mat. "We need to talk."

"No. We don't. You made that clear." The more she tried to escape the more he tightened his grip and used the weight of his body to keep Mac immobilized. She tried to pull away but Harm was much stronger than her. "What are you trying to do?"

"Grovel. Beg. Plead if I have to." She stopped struggling at his words and his grip released some. "I'm an idiot." He let her go but was still straddling her. "I'm sorry." She took one of his hands and pulled it towards her chest and Harm seemed to relax at her action as she placed his hand over her heart. The softness of his gaze tried to convey the words he couldn't quite speak. Her eyes met his with a similar look. God, he wanted to kiss her so bad and slip back to the ease they seemed to find. "Mac?"

And then everything happened rather quickly. Once he let his guard down there was no way to counter. Mac brought her hips up forcefully, making Harm fall down towards her as she simultaneously grabbed his arm and brought her legs around his neck. She locked one leg behind the other and pulled at his arm as she squeezed her thighs, a move meant to choke out your opponent.

"Always wanted to be between your thighs, Colonel." Harm managed to get out which only fueled her anger. He felt the edges of his vision start to go, the impending blackout from lack of oxygen as Mac seemed to tighten her hold on him even more. His face was turning red and when Harm tried to get out of the lock, she raised her hips up, effectively tightening the hold.

"Give it up, Commander." Mac grunted out, using as much strength as possible to incapacitate him. The Marine corps taught her a thing or two about defending herself against a bigger opponent but, taking kickboxing and jiu jitsu classes as a hobby was invaluable. With his one good hand, he was trying to pry her leg loose and he would have succeeded if he were quicker. "You're gonna black out if you don't tap." She said, knowing the alpha male in him would try to hold on as long as possible and not give in to her. Eventually, she felt his hand tap her thigh and Mac squeezed one more time before fully letting him go.

"You still got it." Harm wheezed out, laying on his back only to open his eyes and find that Mac was standing over him in a defensive posture. "Mac?"

"Get up." She waved her hand at him, insting that they continue their little match. He wanted to spar, they would spar and maybe she could knock some sense into him in the process. "Let's go, Commander… You wanted to spar with me, you got it." Her voice was icy, a tone that made him realize she meant business.

He got up slowly but, before he could fully right himself, Mac punched him, hard. It wasn't enough to knock him out but, on shaky legs it did make him stumble. "Mac, wait." He covered himself as best he could as she began to hit him repeatedly.

"You are an arrogant, selfish, hurtful jerk, Rabb!" She punctuated her words with a punch until he said something that had her stop altogether. "What?"

"Webb contacted me too, he is alive."

Only his words seemed to piss her off more but, rather than hit him, Mac punched the wall at the side of his head only to grab her hand in pain when the force cracked one of her bones. "Fuck!" She cursed and pressed herself against the wall and she clutched her hand. "Awww hell."

"Let me see it." Harm made to take her hand but, Mac only pulled it away. "Mac, let me see it." She acquisited with a huff and he carefully took the glove off, hoping to not cause her more pain. He studied her hand noting two of her knuckles that had become swollen rather quickly and marred by an ugly red coloration. "We're heading to the hospital, I think you broke your knuckles."

Mac sat on a doctor's table with her hand wrapped and elevated. She had managed to slightly fracture the last two knuckles on her right hand but would not require surgery. The fractures were small enough to heal on its own within a few weeks. Anything after that she drowned out as the doctor was giving Harm, whom they assumed was her boyfriend, a long list of dos and don'ts that she was completely ignoring. Her mind was flashing back to their little sparring match which had been enjoyable to a fault.

Although Mac didn't really want to hurt Harm, it felt good to hit him and get all of the repressed anger she'd been hiding for nearly a decade. He did deserve it, the way he'd been acting as if she suddenly wanted nothing to do with him which was quite the opposite. Harm was the one that hit the breaks, acted the martyr and then refused to speak to her. He was the one acting like a petulant child and now…

Now... What now? Mac ground her teeth together as she tried to make sense out of everything that had happened in the last hour and fifty seven minutes.

Webb was alive, Harm was certain of it as he'd driven her to the hospital when he explained the messages he got with varying numbers that made no sense. He'd passed the intel to Bud and was waiting for an answer to the mystery.

Mac didn't respond to him, merely glanced out the window and pursed her lips as she tried to figure out how things were so out of control. Why did she ever involve herself with Clayton Webb? Why was he involving her now?

Did he fake his death to keep her safe? Did he love her? Was he coming back for her in some twisted knight-in-shining-armor moment? Would he try to take her away from Harm? Was there even a her and Harm anymore? Damn you, Clay.

Even from the grave the man had a way of coming between her and Harm and she let it happen. She let all of this happen instead of walking away, instead of saying 'no' when he had saught after her for that stupid mission.

Worst of all, she'd hurt Harm because of it and nearly got him killed between his stint in the CIA and their mele with Sadik Fahd. She bit her lower lip recalling the explosion at the parking lot at HQ that came from his car battery.

It had only caused dizziness and temporary hearing loss but could have been much worse. Harm could have lost his eyesight from the acid inside the battery. If it had been assembled better, the crude device could have killed him.

According to a CIA expert, it had been designed for a fatal blow, enough to make the car explode but, something went wrong. She had never told Harm that little fact, choosing to keep him out of the loop and finish the mess she started.

With a sigh, she looked up at him finding his intense gaze on the pixie haired doctor who was wrapping up the details of her follow up care. The man was such a source of irritation. One moment he acted like he hated her. The next, he was the selfless, doting boyfriend. It was giving her whiplash of the emotional variety.

But, damnit did she love him. And that was another source of irritation. He'd taken plenty of verbal shots at her and yet, she loved him. He could have taken her heart out with a paring knife and Mac was sure she would still love him. Why couldn't she shut that part of her off and let it him go? Why did it have to be him?

Because you were made for one another. Both of you are too stupid to see it. A voice inside said and Mac sighed again. "I'm sorry, Doc. What was that?"

"I'm going to set up your prescription for pain medication and get your release papers. Hang tight." The young doctor smiled at her patient, cast an appreciative glance at Harm before pulling the curtain and stepping away.

Mac shook her head. "She shouldn't bother. I can't take them anyway."

"Why? Oh." Her addiction. It dawned on him that he'd never seen her take anything when she was in pain. Not for a headache, not for her monthly ailments and not even when she'd been shot by the poacher unless it was part of her IV cocktail. "One can't hurt, right?"

She shrugged. "I'm not risking it. And it's fine." Whatever the nurse injected her with had taken the edge off the pain.

"Have you ever broken anything before?"

"Ribs after the accident with Eddie." She confirmed although most of that evening was a blur. Drying out in the desert had a way of erasing her teenage transgressions except for the look in Eddie's eyes that Mac couldn't quite forget. "I didn't take anything then either. Uncle Matt wouldn't allow it once I got out of the hospital. Even when it hurt like hell, he forced me to deal with it." Which is why she had a high tolerance for pain or pretended to. She tried not to take anything past aspirin or ibuprofen and that was only when necessary.

Harm stood from the chair he was seated at and stopped in front of her. She wouldn't look him in the eye and he knew it was something well deserved on his part. He'd been an ass; an irrational, idiotic ass and she didn't need that from him. "If Webb really is alive, I'm not going to stop you or stand in your way of finding him."

That got her attention and Mac's head snapped up to look at him. "You're not?"

"No. I'm not but, whatever you find, I'm going with you and then afterwards you need to make a choice." He'd thought about it on the flight over when he was still on the fence about this thing with him and Mac. He wanted her in his life completely but, if she chose Webb over him, then he would let her go. Only this time, he wouldn't stand by and watch on the sidelines. He would move on as well, request a new billet or resign altogether.

"A choice? What choice?"

He hated to offer Mac an ultimatum but, honestly couldn't continue this dance with her any longer. It was all or nothing. "Him or me."

"Harm…"

"No, Mac. I meant it. I'm not fighting you on it either, I just want you to be happy. If it's with Webb, so be it." He would learn to live without her even if it meant never loving someone again. "You have a right to he happy."

"Even if you're not?" Mac studied him for a moment and saw a sincerity in his eyes along with a sadness he couldn't repress. She wanted to take him in her arms and ease whatever misgivings he had over the spook but, she was still angry at him to do so. "You never listen when I speak do you?"

"Yes. No. What do you mean?"

Annoyed she sighed. "I do not want Clay." She said slowly, punctuating each word speaking to him as if he were a small child that needed to be minded. "I told you this when you came to my apartment."

Did she? Honestly, Harm really couldn't remember that day only that she had informed him that Webb was alive. She had said more, hadn't she? Mentioned that she loved him and wanted him - not Webb. He couldn't be sure anymore and Harm scrubbed a hand over his face. "Then why are you looking for him?"

"Because I owe him that much."

"Even if it's dangerous? Mac, you almost died because of him."

"Could you honestly tell me that you're not going to help him out after he reached out to you? I know you better than that, Rabb."

She had a point. He would bitch, piss and moan and still go in guns-ablazing trying to discover whatever truth he needed to find. His Superman complex wouldn't let him stand by idling if someone was in danger. "And I already made my choice." She grabbed a fistful of Harm's shirt and pulled him close enough to kiss. "It's you. I choose you. It will always be you."

"Even if he's alive?" When she didn't answer right away, Harm pulled her hand off of his shirt and took a step back. "You're going to feel like you betrayed him and this thing between us will die."

"Is that why you haven't wanted to be intimate with me?" His silence was answer enough. It's like Harm had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. The idea brought an ache to her heart.

"If he's alive, how are you going to explain us? We waited for him to die before we suddenly figured it out after nine years?" He folded his arms over his chest.

"You've given this too much thought."

"And you haven't?" It wasn't just the thought of them betraying her relationship with Clay. It was Harm's insecurity at how close they'd come in the past to only lose it all again. "What if he guilts you into staying with him?"

"I am not that weak or stupid."

"Isn't that how he got you into bed in the first place?" He hated being this honest with her but couldn't help himself. "Clay played on your weakness and your guilt at his being tortured for you."

"You're being a jerk again."

He was but he didn't care. "Maybe I am but, admit it… He used you, waited for me to be out of the way to pounce."

"And you didn't stop it." She challenged him.

"You didn't either."

"How could I? You ignored me for months."

"And you destroyed me with that never comment, MacKenzie." At his words Mac looked away, unable to meet his gaze any longer. She had hurt him badly, there was no excuse for it. "Don't have a rebuttal for that one do you?"

"No. I don't." She was wrong then and knew it from the moment she turned away from him in Paraguay. Only she was too stubborn to take it back and it wouldn't have mattered if she did. Mac had done the damage, hurt him badly and no amount of "I'm sorry's" could have fixed it.

"I didn't want to hurt you." She also didn't want to become that bitch that she had, acting erratically at work, surviving on emotions only - something that Mac wasn't accustomed to. She was the rational one, always had been and Paraguay had taken that away from her.

"I think I was going through some PTSD. Maybe I still am?" She said meekly, as if the admission cost her something. She didn't want him to know about that and had hidden her therapy sessions away from all of her friends save for Chegwidden who had ordered her to see the shrink.

Mac hated the experience and having to open herself up to a stranger but it had helped, somewhat. Only by the time Mac realized what had happened, it was too late. Her relationship with Webb had progressed to physical intimacy and Harm was otherwise occupied and clearly no longer interested in her life. She felt a tear slip out of her eyes as she cast them down to the linoleum floors. God, she fucked up bad.

"PTSD?" And just like that it all made sense to Harm, her actions, the push and the pull, her behavior that was so unlike her. He'd chalked it up to the death of their friendship and any other relationship they could have had. Harm never considered her trauma, she'd hidden it well from him and others, like a good Marine. She squared herself away and pushed forward, like a good Marine.

"I uh, saw a shrink after Sadik… Chegwidden ordered me to. I wouldn't have gone otherwise."

Harm swallowed hard. "Mac…"

"I almost fell off the wagon again, too… He got into my head so much. Clay left a glass of Cana… That's when I started sleeping with him. I needed to feel something more than… God, I don't even know. I regretted it almost instantly…I just couldn't stop." She hugged herself with her good arm and bit back a sob.

"Why didn't you come to me?"

"After what I said to you? I couldn't, I thought you moved on. You had Mattie and she needed you." Mac frowned knowing that Harm would have made time for her. Hell, he would have followed her to challenge Sadik if he'd been in better health. God, she hated leaving him behind that night.

"My relationship with Clay was a mistake… I know that now. My want to find him is because I owe it to him, nothing more. I don't love him, I thought I did but, I don't Harm, not the way that I love you." She reached a hand out and wrapped it around his wrist to pull Harm towards her.

"I don't feel for him what I do for you and I'm pretty sure no one will ever come close. Please, believe me." She sighed in relief when he kissed her. His hands gripped her hips as Mac's good arm snaked around him. "Don't think I am letting you off the hook so easily." Mac said against his lips.

"No, ma'am." He rested his forehead against hers and grinned.

Mac kissed him. "You owe me a weekend."

"Yes, I do."

"Maybe some flowers?" She kissed him again.

"Flowers, check."

Another kiss. "Dinner?"

"Anywhere you like, even if it breaks my wallet." This time Harm kissed her letting it linger a little longer than it should have given their current location.

"Anywhere?" At her mischievous grin knew he wasn't going to like her food choices.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Harm had followed Mac's directions which led them to a restaurant on some random street corner in San Diego. He glanced up at the neon lights that spelled out the establishments name and cringed. A taco stand? Clearly she was mistaken or maybe he took a wrong turn?

"Here?" Harm asked when Mac hopped out of his rental car with the same exuberance as child.

"You did say anywhere… Plus, I didn't really bring anything dressy." Neither did he, she surmised as he'd arrived to her VOQ wearing jeans and a soft black sweater. Harm had been holding a handful of purple flowers that he'd clearly yanked out of the ground just outside of the building; the roots were still sticking out of the bottom. She'd taken the flowers, considering his thoughtfulness and with Harm's help used a plastic water bottle as a makeshift vase that was placed on a small table by the window.

"You really don't need anything dressy, Mac. I find you pretty sexy in just about anything." Even the swoop neck red blouse she currently wore with black jeans and a leather jacket. He eyed her up and down, admiring how the jeans hugged her hips. "The cast is a nice touch tough." Harm said with a grin as he tried to reach for her.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Commander." She teased, pulling away from his grasp in an attempt to keep some distance away from him although she craved just the opposite.

The last three days Mac had tried to concentrate on work and not the tall, sexy Commander that was now sharing her office. Since he was already in San Diego, the General had ordered Harm to stay and assist Mac with her assignment including sitting second chair on the case she was attempting to wrap up.

Harm had met Vuckovic and although the two men seemed to hit it off at first, he became appalled on how the younger officer operated. Years ago, he too had been brash and reckless, but never to the extent that the young lieutenant seemed to strive for. Vic was a terrible lawyer and slimy like a used car salesman. His tactics in court were nauseating and rather than search for the truth, he was just looking for another win - at all costs - something that went against both Harm and Mac's values.

It was when Harm caught Vuckovic tampering with evidence that Mac was able to bring up the Lieutenant on charges that would bring forth disciplinary action. Having Harm help her was a godsend and despite their past animonisty, they still worked well together. It was always that way with them, the turmoil of personal matters set aside for work.

Only this time Mac was hyper aware of his presence in ways she'd never been before. She had always found him attractive, sexy and had, in the past fantasized about physical intimacy with him. There was just something about Harm that always made her acutely aware of his presence - a shift in the air that changed when he walked in.

Now she was noticing things a little more, the minute details that made her realize just how much she wanted a relationship with him. The smell of his cologne that seemed to cling to the air around her. The innocent touches like the hand at the small of her back or a touch to her shoulder to get her attention. It crackled with an intense electricity that had always been there but, had magnified so much it made Mac catch her breath. Never had they been this close and on the verge of getting closer. It was real, attainable and a little scary.

There was always a tension between them that only grew as they each moved from one significant other to the next. Each of them always wondering with curiosity what would happen if one of them made a move. Only work wouldn't allow them to and it was easier to pretend it was all about honor and duty.

But the current promise of things working out between them made her ache to be touched by him so badly that his presence was overwhelming. He was staring at her more than ever, or maybe Mac was just catching him? In the past, he would look away quickly, embarrassed that she had caught him, now, his gaze lingered often followed by a sexy smile that made her weak.

She also picked up on a quirk of his that was particularly alluring - Harm seemed to always have something in his mouth. In the morning it had been the plastic stir stick that he'd used to mix the sugar and creamer into his coffee. Harm had slipped it between his lips and held it between his teeth as he rummaged through the kitchen for something to eat.

In the afternoon and though most of the day it was the blue ball point pen. Harm would bite down on the pen cap when he was concentrating and it was all Mac could do not to jump over both of their desks, have her way with him and see what else that mouth could do. Mac's cheeks flushed as she recalled that part of her day. Damnit, the man was driving her mad.

Unfortunately, there was that problem with Webb or rather the lack of information that was still hidden in some stupid code. It had now been a week since the odd message on her answering machine and half that since Laurie June gave her the cryptic numerical riddle. They were still at an impasse that not even Bud's sleuthing skills could crack and it was driving her nuts.

Mac needed this to wrap up in order to gain her freedom from the spy and fully be able to have Harm. She understood his concerns and had been right in a fashion - Mac would have felt guilty if she moved from Webb to Harm in such quick succession. At least, this way, she could get closure of some sort.

"So, what's good about this place?" Harm's voice brought Mac out of her thoughts and she found him with his hands on his hips staring up at the menu.

Mac grinned. In the last three days he'd alternated between pinning and grovelling. Except for the hospital, she hadn't allowed him to kiss her and any time he'd tried to touch her, Mac would either pull away or pretended to ignore him which was difficult when sharing an office with the object of your desire. Especially when the man was constantly showering her with attention.

Harm brought her coffee in the morning, lunch in the afternoon, a snack just after three pm and even wrote her notes that he folded into a paper airplanes. This morning it was a simple, unsigned message: '_Can't stop thinking about you_.'

For two days he'd tried to take her to dinner and Mac politely refused, finally relenting on the third afternoon when he disappeared only to return with a fresh cup of coffee and a pack of Twix. There was a sticky note on the candy bar with two words in his handwriting: Dinner, tonight? She doubted a taco stand was what he had in mind but, Mac figured she would make him squirm just a little longer.

"Tacos al pastor are to die for. The Mexican street corn is phenomenal so are the fish tacos." She studied the menu briefly and then pointed at the drink section. "And you have to try the agua fresca. It's basically water and juice but so delicious."

Harm couldn't help but smile at her exuberance over the street food. It made him order two of everything she just mentioned including the agua fresca. "You're gonna eat dead cow?" Mac pointed at his food as they both settled into a small picnic table at the far end of the parking lot.

"You seemed excited by it. So, I figured, why not? Besides, I do eat red meat just not a lot of it and not of the junk variety." He glanced down at the al pastor and shrugged before taking a bite praying he wouldn't die from it.

Mac eyed him curiously, surprised at the length he was willing to go to make her happy. It was sweet. "You are just full of surprises."

"Back at you, MacKenzie." Harm said, when he swallowed down the first bite, surprised that her endorsement had been spot on, the food was really good.

As they ate, Mac filled him in a bit more on Vuckovic's antics prior to Harm's arrival at San Diego. There were things she needed to get off of her chest outside of the office without worrying about prying ears. The San Diego team saw them both as some sort of spies and Mac had noticed the junior officers eavesdropping a time or two. "This place is a train wreck, honestly. The former squid in charge didn't know what he was doing and pretty much let the junior officers do whatever they wanted." She pointed out with disgust.

"Think Creswell may send you out here permanently?" He asked with hesitation. Harm knew the ramifications of starting a relationship when both partners were in the military. Both of them ran the risk of being shipped to the other end of the Earth. It had been a main reason as to why he hadn't pursued her sooner - the concept of having to deal with a relationship with distance between them. The idea terrified him. If they couldn't make it work after 9 years and an office away, how could it work with a continent between them?

Mac had noted his hesitation and the way his eyes seemed to sadden. She knew what he was thinking as it had crossed her mind as well. Her good hand came over his, squeezing reassuringly. "I told you once that you would never lose me."

"Even with distance between us?" Harm turned his hand over and held hers in his.

Mac smiled. "Even then…I.." The rest of their conversation was cut short when the shrill of Harm's cell phone sounded.

"Rabb." He answered and Mac noticed how his postured changed completely. Harm's shoulders hunched and he bit his lower lip as the voice on the other line fed him a stream of information. "Okay, thanks Bud." Harm snapped the phone shut and pulled his hand out of hers. "We need to head to the office. Bud found something, the numbers broke down into coordinates that we need to print out."

"I've suddenly lost my appetite." She said, pushing what was left of her food away from her. What she had eaten suddenly felt heavy in her stomach. Instinctively, she knew they had found Clay or would. The prospect made her feel an unease she wasn't prepared for. What if Harm was right? What if she fell into the spy's arms again? She loved Harm deeply, more so than the other man but… "Let's go."

Once in the office, Harm had turned on his computer and began printing out the documents that Bud had sent. He handed them to Mac who just stared at them as if they've come from outer space. "How the hell did he get all of this from those codes?"

Mac shrugged. "It's Bud… Let me see that one." She took a sheet that he handed her and felt her stomach bottom out as a name came to her as clear as day. "Manderley… Oh God, he's in California."

Harm took the page from her and stared at the name that made absolutely no sense to him. "Isn't that a hotel in Vegas?"

"Manderley… Not Mandalay." She took the coordinates and made her way over to the map of California that was hanging on the wall of her office. Her fingers traced up the coast of California stopping at a peninsula that jetted out of Pebble Beach "It's the name of their family home on Sunset Point, he promised to take me there once."

Harm winced visibly, his mind bringing up images of Mac with Webb that he would rather suppress. "You're in California… This can't be a coincidence."

Mac grabbed a red pen and marked the area with a circle and then took a few steps back. Her heart was hammering so loud, she was sure Harm could hear it as she stared at the circle and sighed deeply. "He's there, I know it...I feel it. We have to go.. It should be about an 8 hour drive or so."

Harm grabbed her arm and pulled Mac into him when she made to pass. "Mac, stop. Take a breath. What if he's not even there? What if someone is toying with us?"

"He reached out to me!" Mac tried to yank her arm out of his grasp, but he held steadfast. "Let me go." Her voice was stern, taking a drill instructor timber that forced Harm to relent although it was the last thing he wanted.

"Don't you find it odd that you're so close and not in Washington?" Harm rationalized when she took his rental car keys off the desk he'd placed them on. His words made her stop before she reached the doorway. "You're conveniently in California?"

Her shoulders slumped when Mac recalled why exactly she'd taken the assignment. It wasn't about work or honor or duty; she was ashamed to admit it. "I came here to get away from you. Creswell saw I was miserable and offered me an out, I took it… Webb's whereabouts is a coincidence."

"What if someone wanted you here?" He raised his hands in defense. "I have a bad feeling. I've had a bad feeling since we got those stupid codes." Harm made to grab her arm again but she moved before he could reach her. "Mac, please be rational."

"No! I am tired of always rationalizing things." She yelled and took a step so that she was a mere foot away from him. "God damnit, Harm.. I can't live like this not knowing what happened to him… I need to know."

So did he. Mac had been right, his innate sense for the greater good made him want to find the spook's location. Despite everything, Clay had been a friend once and the driving force that brought them together at a rose garden. "I should have stopped you before you left for Paraguay. I should have told you what I felt back in Australia… I should have never left JAG." Harm looked away from her suddenly remembering each time he failed her - them. "I'm sorry."

"I'm as much to blame." Her demeanor shifted at his words and the sad look in his eyes. Mac could sense his fear and she hated seeing him like this, so unsure of himself. She placed the keys in her pocket and raised herself up on her toes to brush a kiss against his lips. She felt him respond, his hands wrapping around her waist as he pulled her into him. "I love you." Mac punctuated, deepening the kiss to show him how much.

"We're unarmed." He pointed out when her lips left his.

"Not quite. I flew commercial and traveled with my Glock and SIG. They're at the VOQ."

Harm raised a brow and released her only to follow her out of the bullpen. "You're breaking a few rules of the UCMJ, Colonel."

"Do you want to bring me up on charges or be safe?" She too raised a brow and grinned when he chuckled. "It's okay, Dad. I got permission from the base CO. Creswell pulled a few strings."


	15. Chapter 15

Oh, Mac… Harm told you to be careful… Harm warned you… Little action in this part.

And no Simon. I opted to go with another person to play the "bad guy." :)

CHAPTER 15

Mac was greeted with an unbearable pain rattling her head as she tried to force herself to wake. Her eyes seemed to resist opening and once they did the vision was hazy, unfocused. She brought her hand up to her eyes, squeezing them. Once they were able to focus the unyielding headache forced them shut again and Mac groaned in pain.

What the hell happened?

She bit back the wave of nausea as her brain began to formulate memories of where she was and how she got there. Webb. Of course, she was trying to find the spy and had taken an eight hour drive up the coast to find him. The codes, coordinates and her knowledge of the Webb family home had led her and Harm there.

Harm?

The thought of him made her heart squeeze as a sense of dread gripped her. They had walked into the house by way of an open side door. Harm had gone in first, each of them armed with one of her pistols and moving from room to room until… until… Oh no.

"Harm?" Mac breathed his name out as her eyes sprung open and focused on him. He was seated across the room arms tied behind him. His head was cast down in an awkward angle and the left side of his face was streaked with blood that had run down from a gash at his hairline. He was alive, she could tell by a steady rise and fall of his chest, that offered some comfort. "Harm?"

Mac made to stand and was surprised she was free to do so until the 'click' of the hammer from a semi-automatic made her freeze. "Sit down, Colonel."

She knew the voice, it was one that Mac had famirized herself each and every time she put in a call to Webb's office. Only this time the voice had taken a malevolent timbre. "Laurie June."

Webb's young assistant stood before her holding a pistol. The woman who was seemingly shy and aloof was anything but. She had worked for Webb approximately five years and granted a variety of CIA clearances - She was also a double agent. "Nice to see you, Colonel. Thank you for figuring out those codes. Where's Clayton?"

"I don't know."

The answer had a less than favorable reaction as Laurie June pulled back Mac's head by the hair and then pressed the barrel of the gun to her temple. "I'm not playing games, Colonel. Where the hell is Clayton Webb?"

Mac winced in pain. "I said, I don't know."

"Oh yeah?" Laurie June released Mac only to walk across the living room where Harm sat, still unconscious from a hit to the head. "What about now?" She pointed the gun at Harm's head and pulled the trigger, laughing almost maniacally when Mac yelled out his name in fear. "That got your attention."

The woman racked the pistol sending a round into the chamber and pointed it at Harm's head. "This time, it's real."

"Don't hurt him!" Mac pleaded. She felt her eyes filling with tears and wished that, for once, she had listened to Harm. He had warned her about needing back up and not heading forth blindly but she ignored him sure that they could find Webb without incident. She was desperate to know what had happened, needed to put it to rest. Now it seemed he would pay the price for her mistake. "Please, don't hurt him."

"Then tell me why Webb brought you here."

Mac sighed, trying to formulate some sort of plan that would get Laurie June away from Harm and allow her to create some sort of diversion. "He wanted me to find a...a drive that held information on his last assignment. It's stashed here." It was a lie but, enough to force the woman's attention away from Harm.

"Where's the drive?" The information piqued Laurie June's interest.

"The library. Upstairs." Mac glanced upwards and noted that Laurie June did the same. It was a chink in the armor that made Mac realize the other woman could be distracted and maybe disarmed. Whatever it took, she would protect Harm even if it was with her own life. "I'll show you."

Carefully, Mac stood up keeping her arms raised as she walked across the room, towards the foyer and up the staircase. She took each step slowly only to feel the barrel of the gun pressing against her spine when Laurie June forced her to move faster. She did as told and then stopped on the second floor, glancing to the left and then the right.

Mac never did have the layout of the home only knew some of the aspects like that of an expansive library that Webb had described to her once. She loved reading, always had a voracious appetite for books. None of that mattered because Webb didn't have a damned thing stashed there and her rouse would soon be discovered.

"I don't remember which door it is." She stepped left coming down a long hallway and opened the first door to find a bedroom. Laurie June's gun pressed against her spine once again as the younger woman nudged her forward down the hall. The second and third doors were also a bust but, it was the middle door on the opposite wall that held the room she was looking for.

Webb had been correct in his description of the mahogany lined shelving system that rose sky high, the top books only accessible with the use of the rolling ladder attached to a rail that went around the room. Their most prized books, first editions, were hidden behind a glass wall, locked away for safekeeping with a large wooden desk nestled in front. "Where is it, Colonel?"

The pistol was still trained on her and Mac came to a panel full of books. "It's in here. In one of these." She took one of the books and paged through it and then went for another. "It has a compartment...I can't remember which one."

"I'm losing my patience." Laurie June stated, leaning against a side table as she eyed Mac suspiciously. "You don't know what you're looking for, do you?"

"Found it!" It took a split second that seemed to be a lifetime to Mac who had taken a heavy, leatherbound book in her good hand. She hurled it at the other woman with as much force as she could muster. The moment hadn't been opportune as Laurie June's finger was still on the trigger. The sound of a gunshot echoed through the home, rattling Mac's already aching head. She felt the shot glance her bicep and ignored the pain as she ran out of the library and down the stairs.

Mac didn't bother looking back, her only thought was to head out of the home and hopefully force the other woman to give chase - she needed to keep her away from Harm, to keep him safe.

In her haste, Mac hadn't noticed the man who practically threw her against the wall of the foyer when she got to the bottom step. He held her still covering her mouth so that she couldn't scream.

There were muffled voices around as Mac became aware that the home was suddenly full of people all dressed in black tactical gear holding rifles with suppressors on the barrels.

The man who held her glared down and awareness struck that she was staring at a dead man. The familiar eyes of one Clayton Webb looked her over with concern and Mac couldn't hold back the anger that bubbled to the surface. He was alive and though she should have felt relief, her concern for Harm outweighed her feelings for Webb. "Let me go." She managed to pull his hand away from her mouth. "Where's Harm?"

"Rabb will be fine." That was when all hell broke loose in the form of a cacophony of muffled gunshots that rattled across the home. She tried to pull free from Webb, her mind concentrating on the man that was likely still tied up in the living room. What if something had happened to him? What if Webb's team had made a mistake a shot him? Her heart was hammering and it took another push to set herself free. "Sarah. Don't."

She ignored him, moving into the living room to find Harm still tied to the chair but awake. His eyes scanned through the room and Harm visibly relaxed at the sight of her. "Mac, you alright?"

"Someone help me." Mac called out, pointing at the ropes that were tied behind his back that she couldn't loosen with that stupid cast on her arm. "Call an ambulance."

"I'm fine, Mac." Harm said, pressing a hand to the corner of his head once his arms were released. He winced when his fingers pressed into the gash that was a little deeper than he'd imagined. Bringing his hand up, he glanced down at his fingers to find them sticky with blood. "How bad is it?"

She tipped his head back to look at the gash and frowned. "That hard head of yours may not be so hard after all." Mac quipped and brushed some of the blood away from his eye and face with her shirt. "You're gonna need stitches."

At the corner of the room stood one Clayton Webb watching Harm and Mac with great jealousy. He'd only sent the codes to Rabb so that Mac would not go at this alone. He wanted her to be okay, safe and knew that the other man would but his life on the line to do so.

The interaction between them, her tenderness with his injury made Clay realize he'd been replaced. It was a casualty of the little game he played - a super spy roulette which he'd won. Then again, maybe he hadn't fully lost the consolation prize?

Two full hours had passed until he was finally alone with Mac. Rabb was taken to the hospital and the bullet wound on her arm was nothing more than a scratch that a medical team had cleaned and bandaged. Although she had insisted on going with Harm, Kershaw held her back as a way to begin a debrief that lasted entirely too long.

Webb found her standing on the balcony with a picturesque view of the Pacific. The sun had begun to rise and he couldn't help but stare at her appreciatively; the woman was stunning even with the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. "Your more beautiful than I remember, Sarah."

Mac snorted at his comment and continued to look out at the horizon. Her hand tightened on the railing as she fought for words to say. She hadn't really practiced, hadn't really believed this moment would happen. "Your alive." It was all she could muster, but it wasn't said with happiness.

"I will be as soon as Kershaw processes all of the paperwork to bring me back from the dead." Everything had been by the book including his star on the wall and the death certificate that was filed. "I'm sorry I got you involved."

"Why did you do it?"

"It's classified."

Mac laughed without feeling and shook her head. The more she thought about it, the more she realized how much their relationship had be a lie. "Ah, your standard answer. Why did I think I would be afforded anything else."

"You knew that being involved with me meant I couldn't tell you about my job." He moved across the balcony and came to her side.

"Your job, no. And I wouldn't presume to ask. Your life, that's a different matter."

"My life is my job, Sarah." He reached for her hand only to have Mac pull away.

"You could have told me, Clay… tipped me off, anything… I mourned you."

Mourned him? Clearly that wasn't true if her concern for Rabb outweighed her comcern for him. "Not enough it seems."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Always knew I'd lose you to him." Clayton Webb said as he leaned into the rail. "I expected it… Just thought you had more restraint than to screw Rabb the second I died."

At that Mac slapped him as hard as possible. The hit made the palm of her hand hurt. "You bastard. You fake your death and have the gall to pass judgment?" She was seething, breathing heavy from a barely controlled rage. How dare he?

"Just pointing out the facts, Sarah." He rubbed the spot on his cheek that was growing redder by the instant. Even exhausted and with one good hand, the woman could get her licks in.

"Not that I need to explain a damned thing but, he hasn't… we haven't… it's complicated." She offered an explanation that wasn't needed but, Mac felt the need to clarify. Harm wasn't a jerk waiting to swoop in on someone else's woman.

"You've loved him for years haven't you?" It was a question he knew the answer to. Webb had been there during that first assignment. He'd seen how they had taken care of each other and Harm had put his life on the line for someone he barely knew. There had been a handful of other occasions and like everyone else, he assumed they were involved. It was in Paraguay that Mac told him otherwise.

"Clay...I." Mac was dreading this, the conversation she would have with Webb about her and Harm. She kept replaying Harm's words in her mind, his fear of her choosing the spy over him. Thoughts of the last year passed fleetingly through her mind. She and Clay had some good times, yes but, it seemed something was always missing and always would be.

He wasn't the man she would have wanted to have children with. He wasn't the first man that she thought of when she was alone and lonely. He wasn't the man she was in love with so much it made her ache. "It's always been Harm." Mac confessed with a sad smile knowing it would hurt him but, she needed to rip that bandaid off. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You deserve more than Rabb, Sarah." He said softly and took her hand in his. Clay's fingers ran over the soft skin, thumb stroking each knuckle almost seductively. "I can be good for you. Give me a chance, let me make it up to you."

Mac sighed, if only that were true. "It's over between us. I actually don't think we really ever started." Oh, they had a relationship of sorts, but it was the cause of a strained situation. "You took advantage of my weakness. Hell, I think I laid myself out on a platter for you… I needed to feel something after Paraguay."

"Rabb avoided you… wouldn't answer your calls."

That was true but, she hadn't been a picnic either. "He was hurt and I torpedoed him. I expected from him things I couldn't even expect of myself."

"You were hurt almost got killed. He should have been more understanding and not act like such an ass." And he helped her pick up the pieces back then when Rabb had failed her.

"He put everything on the line for me." Mac said. "He's been there for me since you disappeared. Worried about me. Cared for me. He didn't have to, but he did."

"You liked how I touched you." Desperate to keep her, Webb leaned in, intent on kissing Mac. She simply pulled away, drew her hand out of his and took a step back in order to put some space between them. "What if I wouldn't have faked my death?"

"It would have ended anyway. You and me, chalk it up to the wrong people at the right time. We took comfort in each other, got through one hell of an experience and it's over now." As the words left her mouth, Mac felt a deep sense of relief - a rebirth of sorts. She knew who she wanted and it wasn't Clayton Webb.

"Did you ever love me, Sarah?"

"I did but, not like I love him… I don't believe I'll ever love anyone else like that."

Webb saw the truth in her eyes that he didn't want to believe himself. He had known that faking he death would cause a rift between them, but he never expected her to run to another - not to Harm - the man who had a penchant for hurting her. He had hoped that their time together would have broken his hold over Mac and now saw that their bond had been strengthened. "If he ever hurts you again, I'll be here. I'll pick up the pieces." He took her hand again and squeezed gently. "Rabb's a lucky son-of-a-bitch, I hope he knows that."

Before she could pull away, Clay leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss against her lips. "Bye, Mac." And then he watched her go, never to be in her life again.


	16. Chapter 16

So we come to the adult portion of our starcrossed tail. Not as descriptive as other things I've written but, ye be warned. I am really into Mac and bathtubs. This is one of three scenes I've written lately with her in one.

Enjoy! _

Chapter 16

"Did you drown in there?" Mac heard Harm ask from the living room, his voice sounding far away and muffled as she lay soaking in the large tub.

"I'll be out soon." She took a deep breath and leaned her head back all the while keeping her cast on the side of the tub to prevent it from getting wet.

Once Harm had been let out of the hospital, they'd made a mutual decision to find a hotel. They were both exhausted and the eight hour drive back to San Diego seemed less than favorable. She had asked the locals at a gas station and was pointed to an inn located in Caramel whose only vacancy was a large suite with a balcony that faced the ocean.

With a happy sigh Mac lay in the tub until the water cooled furthur. Once she got out, Mac stared at her naked form through the mirror to notice the changes, _good changes_ on her body. The thinness driven from the stress of the previous months had finally filled back in. Her feminine curves were fuller, her ribs no longer exposed. Mac even looked younger and much more at ease. She knew Harm was the reason.

She ran a hand through the silky strands of her wet hair and let out a deep, cleansing breath. It was over now, the chaos, the tumultuous way her life had upended itself all over a man that hadn't really respected or loved her. Mac took another breath and held it, closing her eyes and feeling the weight lift off her shoulders like a shroud that had been banished.

Her mind traveled away from that other man to the one on the other side of the closed bathroom door. She'd put him through hell and yet he remained, a stoic force that would never abandon her, not really. Oh he had wavered, been upset and had said a few calloused words but, she understood him now. It was a manifestation of his own insecurity, the loss of control.

In the last few months she'd seen another side of him, a romantic one that Mac never thought he would possess. The thoughts of the flowers, his patience and even the simple notes on sticky pads made Mac realize one fascinating detail - she was more in love with him now. It was a simple fact she didn't think was possible to feel so much and then so much more.

And that was the crux of their failed past, the danger of feeling too much with no assurances that it would last forever. She feared losing him, knowing it would destroy her completely. Life just didn't make sense without him. As much as Mac hated needing him so much, it was unavoidable and damnit, did she need and want him in every essence of the word.

Opening her eyes she stared at the reflection once more and then reached for the oversized, fluffy towel when a seductive smile appeared on her lips.

It was time, Mac was tired of waiting.

When she stepped into the living area she found Harm stretched out on the sofa with his eyes closed. His sweater had lifted up and gave her a glimpse of his skin, the tight muscles of his abdomen and the thin line of hair that disappeared underneath his jeans.

She bit her lower lip as she studied him unabashed. God was he a beautiful man, sinfully so. Harm had always kept in good shape. His body appreciated the running, weight lifting and his healthy food habit. He'd also filled out some throughout the years and was simply manly and delicious. And she wanted him. All of him.

"Harm?" Mac called out, moving to stand just in front of the sofa.

When her bath had taken longer than expected, Harm had opted for a nap on the sofa. Behind his closed eyes he envisioned the water laping at her naked body as she ran a soapy hand over herself. God, how he wanted to be in there with her, crossing that final barrier to something he was sure they both desired. Yet, he would continue to be the consummate gentleman and wait on her cue.

He had fallen asleep to visions of Mac in the tub and the pleasant dreams that came with it. "_Harm_." But, the moment she said his name it jolted him out of his slumber and his eyes sprung open to find Mac standing in front of him wearing only a towel.

Thoughts of her being nothing but a dream vanished when he spotted the cast on her right arm, a detail that was not prominent in his slumber. "Mac? You okay?" In an instant he sat up, his eyes caressing her body slowly from her toes, up her shapely legs to her breasts that were covered by that towel. He swallowed hard and prayed this wasn't just another dream or fantasy.

He took a sharp intake of air when Mac straddled him, her knees coming to either side of his legs. "I'm tired of waiting." Her voice was low and seductive, said just a breath away before she kissed him.

Harm remained impossibly still willing his heart under control as it hammered against his chest. Her lips brushed over his own once, twice and then a third time when Mac fully kissed him leaving a deliciously dazed expression on Harm's face when she stopped to look at him. "Hi." She said shyly and then draped her arms over his shoulders.

"Hi." Harm swallowed hard as he studied the look on her face, the sexy grin that she offered only for him that he'd witnessed before but, only now did it make sense. Her eyes widened with anticipation as his dropped down to her full lips that he'd fantasized kissing so damned much.

The few times they'd kissed had been both painful and wonderful but now, the notion that she wanted him and was free to be with him sent an awareness through his body. This was actually happening, she was offering herself to him and still the weight of the last few years made Harm hesitate. There were still so many misunderstandings still to talk about, so many things he needed to tell her but, Harm had never been good with words when it came to Mac. It made no sense - a lawyer who couldn't find the words to say.

Harm held still for a moment longer, teetering on the edge of his desire for her. His arms remained at his sides but, when she moved farther up his lap, he began to give in. Harm's hands came to her thighs just above her knee and then inched upwards all the while keeping his eyes on hers. His fingers left a trail of fire up her skin as they continued to rise and then slip under the terry cloth material that partially covered her body.

His fingers curled around her hips and Harm was made acutely aware that she was completely naked under the towel. His hands skimmed downward again stopping to rest on her thighs when he fought to get his breathing under control.

"You're so beautiful." His words came out in low and sexy bedroom voice and it was all Mac could do to not melt into a quivering puddle.

She leaned in and kissed him again, this time a bit more passionately and with a hint of frustration. Despite being clear of her intent, his walls remained in place as did his hands which never began the exploratory touch she craved. "Are you sure? We don't have to rush this." His words were carefully measured and Mac was sure something was wrong with him.

"I am, aren't you?" She frowned and cast her eyes downward, gesturing to his lap with disappointment. Either there was something physically wrong with Harm or the man had the control of a saint. "Everything is okay, right?" God, she would die of need right then and there - fate couldn't be that cruel.

Harm followed her eyes and shifted uncomfortably. He rolled his eyes at the implication and resisted the urge to chuckle at her terrified expression. "Yeah, Mac. Everything's in working order. Clean bill of health and all."

"Thank God." But, he was still hesitating for some stupid reason so Mac took one of the hands that was still on her thigh and brought it up to her chest. She pressed their joined hands right over her heart and held it there.

Beneath his fingers Harm felt the strong beat hammering away much like his own. She took his fingers and slid them to where the towel was tucked. "Green light." She said shyly and let her hand fall away hoping he'd take the initiative of ridding the intrusive fabric. For some reason, Mac needed him to strip the towel off her and claim what she so freely gave him.She knew it would be the last of his resistance.

Harm's fingers delicately traced the edges of the towel, running across her chest in askance. He wouldn't take more than she was willing to give. He wouldn't push her although the desire coursing through him begged him to claim her, to make Mac his. "Do you need me to… uh... use protection?"

"No. Not with you."

The fingers were still tracing the edges if the towek dipped beneath the fabric where she had it tucked in place. All it would take was one quick pull and she'd be his. "I haven't been with anyone since Renee." He confessed, a blush creeping over his cheeks. "I may be a little rusty at this."

Before Mac could speak, Harms fingers yanked at the exact spot that would release the fabric. It pooled off her body and to the floor leaving Mac completely exposed to him. His heart which was already racing seemed to stop for a moment kick starting itself when she sat back to give him a better view.

Harm had seen her in a bikini enough times to know she had an amazing body. Tiny scraps of material could barely conceal her full breasts that he'd fantasized about so much. And still, his dreams couldn't prepare him for this - the goddess that offered herself to him. The woman he could now touch and love freely without restrictions. "So beautiful."

One hand skimmed up her flank leaving goosebumps in its wake as it circled across the swell of her right breast. He wanted to touch, explore and map every inch of her skin with his hands. But, he also wanted to taste.

His mouth covered one breast and he suckled at her feeling the tawny nipple harden. Mac buckled from the intimate touch and she tangled her fingers in his hair as her other arm - the one with the cast - draped over his shoulder. "Oh, Harm." Each swirl of his tongue, suck of his mouth and nip from his teeth sent heat across her middle that pooled between her thighs.

She held onto him as he lavished one breast and then the other, moaning from his ministrations. Her body unconciously grinding against him.

Harm kissed her, his tongue exploring every crevice of her mouth as one hand came between her parted thighs. He caught her moan with a kiss and felt the painful strain if his erection still trapped in his jeans. It didn't help each time her bottom wiggled against him which sent a lick of tortuous desire through him.

His fingers brushed her sensitive bud, the sensation forcing Mac to grip his shoulder tightly. Harm nibbled and licked a path from her throat back down to her breasts. His mouth moved in time with the hand between her thighs, slowly and deliberately. His fingers were relentless and accurate when he pressed one and then another inside her, thumb still brushing her clit. Harm grinned against her lips when Mac moaned in frustration. "Tell me what you need." He said against her throat.

With her one good hand, Mac fumbled with his belt, trying to get it undone which was another equal form of frustration.When Harm pulled his fingers out of her, Mac groaned at the loss of intimate contact. Hurriedly, he unbuckled the belt which Mac yanked out of the loops with a few successful tugs. Finally, she came up on her knees long enough for Harm to unzip his pants and pull out his erection.

Mac looked down, mesmerized by the size of him, her own fantasies being shattered and surpassed. "I want you so bad, Harm." She confessed kissing him soundly when he took his manhood in his hand and guided himself into her. An inexicable sensation somurfed through her and Mac felt humbled by them, by the connection that was now fully complete.

She let out a content sigh as she felt her body accomodating to him in a homecoming that she thought would never be possible.

Harm's eyes were closed, that control of his holding on by a mere thread as he fought the urge to pull out and thrust hard into her. "Harm, look at me." Her voice thick with desire said and once his eyes locked onto hers she began to move slowly at first. "Mmm yes."

She held his gaze as they made love, occasionally throwing her head back when the rapture of there connection was too much. Harm thrust into her from below. their pace quickening when his fingers found her again.

It wasn't long before the pressure released and her muscles spasmed around the length of him as an intense orgasm hit her. Mac buried her head in his shoulder as she came crying out his name. Harm held onto her as Mac's hips undulated grinding against him as she rode the wave.

After a few long minutes once both of their breathing was under control, Mac raised her head to look at him. "I want to lose myself in you." She said softly.

Harm kissed her slowly his lips on hers feeling like another form of lovemaking; another union. He made to protest when Mac pulled away from him and stood. She was completely naked and he was still fully clothed, something that he meant to remedy at once.

"Come to bed." She commanded, offering a hand to him which he eagerly took as Mac guided him to the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

Harm couldn't help but follow like a sailor being led by a sirens song...


	17. Chapter 17

So this chapter is a filler... smutty fluff we can call it. Enjoy. ;-)

Adult situations ahead... ye be warned!

**Chapter 17**

Mac sighed contently when his arm that was draped over her middle, tightened possessively making the water around them ripple slightly. It had been Harm's idea to draw a bath as the hotel had an oversized tub that would fit the two of them. She sat between his legs, back against his chest and the arm with the cast resting on the edge.

It was nice to lazily lay in the tub with him especially when all she could do was think about them...

...When Mac led him into the bedroom after their first time, any resistance from his part was gone. He'd given up control of his emotions and poured his energy into being with her. Harm had been consummate, equally gentle and rough. He commanded her body and the very soul of her until they were both spent.

She just wished her hand was not set in a cast.

It annoyed her that she couldn't touch him with both her hands and the cast had proven to be a bit of a nuisance during their lovemaking. Mac had conked him a time or two on the head something that made them both laugh.

It was impossible to disrobe Harm with one good hand and Lord had she dreamt of doing just that - stripping every last stitch of clothing off of him. Instead, she sat in the middle of the bed and watched. The sweater went first, then his shoes and socks. Finally, his slacks where she noticed his partial erection that was beginning to swell again beckoning her.

After their first encounter Mac was surprised that Harm's body reacted to hers so quickly, most men needed time. Harm wasn't most men or maybe it was a unique part of them? His body covered hers and almost immediately he was inside of her, sheathing himself completely in her warmth.

Mac held onto him, lightly rolling her hips, each movement making him swell more inside of her. Their union was fast paced and feverish, Harm plunging deep into her with every thrust, Mac rising up to meet him while her nails raked down his back. Their climax had been just as explosive if not more so than before.

When Harm rolled off of her, Mac laid on her back, arm draped over her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. Her skin felt electric from his touch and delicious sensation of completion filled her.

She'd always fantasized about their first time in both naughty and romantic ways and found the real thing to be… Well it was… "Wow… I'm so so sorry." She said with a laugh and felt him flip on his side to face her.

"Sorry? What could you possibly be sorry for? That was amazing." Harm's hand came to her neck and his fingers began to rove slowly over her skin.

"I'm sorry for ever calling you a prude." She sighed happily and removed her arm from her face in order to look at him. "I mean you. Me. Us." She waved between the two of them and sighed again. "Why didn't we do this before?"

Harm's hand had moved lower, moving over one breast and then the other, grinning when her skin broke out in goosebumps. "Because I was an idiot?"

"We both were." She admitted with a frown. Too much damned wasted time. Too much heartache. She moaned when his hand moved over her abdomen, fingers circling her belly button and then traveling lower and lower. "Harm." Mac warned as she brought her hand over his to stop him. It was too much, her body needed a break. "I don't think I'm ready for…" But when his hand pulled away from hers and fingers touched her intimately again, her body came alive. "Oh, God, yes."

"You were saying?" His index finger ran circles over her sensitive bud and she writhed against him, wanting more. She whimpered when he stopped and moaned when his middle finger parted her folds and slipped into her.

Harm watched her carefully, taking pleasure in her expressions as his fingers stroked her...

….Sighing happily, Mac threaded the fingers of her good hand through his and held on. She smiled as his lips brushed over her shoulder and pressed kisses on her neck finally coming to her lips when Mac turned her head towards him. "Mmm, never thought you'd be a tub man."

A chuckle rumbled in his chest as Harm pulled her impossibly closer. "A what?"

"Tub Man...Kinda always saw you as more of a shower guy."

"Tub man? Is that a thing?" He snorted when Mac shrugged. "I'll have you know, my dear Colonel that my room back home has a private bath with a tub. Grams had a massive clawfoot tub at the farm as well both of which I use. I don't mind taking a bath. It's impractical but, relaxing."

"Your place has a shower so I figured you weren't a tub guy." She shifted against him, turning her body enough so she could look him in the eye. "_Our_ place needs to have a tub."

"_Our_ place, huh?" Harm couldn't help the wide smile that spread across his lips at the implication of sharing a home with her.

"Yes, _our_." She kissed him soundly and then settled against him once more.

One of his hands came up, fingers playing with the tips of her hair. It was wet, slicked back and Harm was pretty sure she never looked more sexy. "_Your_ place has a tub." He said abscently as his lips nuzzled her neck and his tongued trailed over a spot that made her shiver.

"It does." She agreed on a sigh. "You thinking of moving in?" Wasn't it too soon to talk about shared living arrangements? The idea seemed wonderful to her, but Mac didn't want to force it on him.

Harm had considered it before, when thoughts of spending every evening with her sent a sense of joy through him. He wanted to come home to her every night. He wanted to make dinner with her and watch movies while curled up on the sofa. There were other things he wanted to do with her that required a bed, which meant he would wake up to her satisfied expression that made his male pride swell. His place was very much a bachelor pad and though he'd painstakingly renovated the loft, it was time to let it go. "I want to, yeah. If you'd have me."

"I'll make you a deal." She stood up and turned, then came down to Harm's lap when he scooted down accommodate her. He grinned when her legs came around him and then winced when she nearly grazed his head with that cast as Mac's arms came over his shoulders. "Let's find our own place and we can move in _together_."

Harm raised his brow in confusion even as his arms came around her. Her place was big enough for them, wasn't it? "You don't like your apartment?"

"I like it just fine…"

"But?"

Mac sighed. She didn't really want to get into a lengthy conversation about that particular subject, the former men in her life, so she said a few names in hopes Harm would understand. "Mic. Webb."

"Understood… I guess my place has some ghosts, too." Renee. Bobbi. Annie. Most of all that night when he'd asked her to come to him only to send her away. "We'll look for a place when we both get back." He leaned in to kiss her but, Mac stopped him.

"You really wanna do this? We're not moving too fast?"

Harm gave her his best flyboy grin. "To quote you: I'm tired of waiting." He meant it.

That night Mac found Harm on the balcony leaning against the railing with his eyes to the horizon. The waves below lapped against the sandy beach that they'd previously strolled on after dinner. When they returned to the hotel, she half expected him to be laying in bed waiting for her to step out of the head.

Mac cinched her robe and walked out to the balcony coming to his side. "One thing I love about being at sea is looking up and seeing every single star in the sky." He told her and then moved to stand behind her. His arms wrapped around her waist from behind and he pressed soft kisses to her neck.

"And here I thought you weren't a romantic." She said, leaning her body against when one of Harm's hands slipped under the robe to cup her breast.

"I'm really not."

"Hmmm." Mac turned in his arms and grinned. "You can be quite romantic when you want to be. The flowers. The notes."

"Okay, what's so romantic about the sky?"

"How many girls have you laid that line on, huh? About seeing the stars from a carrier?" Mac had a feeling deep inside that she knew the answer even before he gave her an impish grin. "How many?"

Harm had never really needed to use any romantic interlude with other women. His uniform was enough of a temptation and the thoughts of An Officer And A Gentleman would likely fill in the rest. He never had to try with other women nor did he want to. But, with Mac, it was like trying to make up for all the stupid things he said in the past.

He was never eloquent when voicing his feelings but, in the last few months she'd brought something out in him. "Just one." Just her. Harm lowered his head and kissed Mac softly. "I want you so bad. I've never wanted anyone this much." He confessed wondering if and when they'd ever be sated.

Mac sucked his lower lip, releasing it with an audible pop. "Take me back to bed."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes, Commander." She said as sternly as possible but couldn't hide a pleased smirk when he kissed her again.

"Aye, aye, ma'am."


	18. Chapter 18

A little fluff and sexy silly conversation between our two lovebirds.

Two chapters to go and we are done done done. :)

**CHAPTER 18**

Four Weeks Later

Mac stretched out lazily in bed, her body rubbing up against a certain Naval Commander who was sleeping soundly next to her. She turned to her side and watched him. The man looked absolutely adorable, almost boyish when he was sleeping.

Consulting her internal clock notified that they had little time to get ready for work. Damn the man, each and every time they made love he'd short circuit her clock, taking several long minutes for it to reboot. She'd never used an alarm clock a single day in her life and now he was going to force her to buy one. Not that Mac was going to admit that fact to Harm, his ego would skyrocket and frankly, a girl needed to have some secrets.

Normally, she would have jumped out of bed and rushed to start her day, praying traffic on the Beltway wouldn't be too murderous. Today, she was just content on watching him sleep in _their_ new bed, in _their_ new apartment. He would offer the loft to Coates for a reasonable rate and Mac was let out of her lease early. They had settled on a two bedroom in Georgetown with a balcony that overlooked the canal. The spare room would eventually be turned into a home office with a comfortable pull out sofa for guests.

Having moved only a day prior, the space was still in disarray, boxes littered most of the apartment save for the bedroom which they agreed needed to be arranged first. She was surprised at the ease which came over him last night when the last of the boxes had been brought over. Mac had every intention of sifting through her things in order to make room for his but, Harm had other ideas. Good ideas, she recalled when he walked her into the bedroom stating they needed to test out the new mattress. She could only comply when his lips met hers.

Grinning, Mac turned to her side, propping her head up in order to watch the rise and fall of his chest. Her eyes scanned his body, covered only from the waist down with a bed sheet leaving his chest exposed to her gaze. He was so beautiful, so damned sexy - and _all hers_. Too bad the weekend had passed so quickly and the humdrum of Monday was upon them. With a disappointed sigh, she ran a hand over his face, lightly tracing her fingers over his cheeks. "Harm, you need to wake up." She said softly.

The man was wonderful at many things. Mornings was not one of those. Before a run or a cup of coffee Harm could be an absolute grump if he didn't wake up on his own. When he mumbled something unintelligible, Mac chuckled and shook his shoulder. "Wake up, we're late."

"Harm!" She yelped when he rolled onto her, covering her body with his. His mouth took hers at once and Mac gave into his kisses. She could feel his hardness pressing against her and immediately her efforts to get him ready for work dwindled. They could afford to be a little late, couldn't they?

"What time is it?" Harm finally asked when his lips moved to the spot where her shoulder met her neck.

"Oh, we're already late for work." She sighed when his mouth began moving south, enjoying his caresses until his head snapped up from her chest.

"How late?"

"Missing morning meeting late." She said casually as if not having a care in the world. And just like that the promise of a little lazy love making in the morning disintegrated.

Harm practically jumped out of bed, grabbing his watch which was on the nightstand. His eyes grew wide as saucers. "And this is why they don't want people in the same chain of command dating." He was running around the room naked, digging through the pile of clothes on the floor to find his boxers which he slipped on.

It amused her to find the normally cool and collected Commander so frantic, it was so out of character. "Well, you're the rule breaker." She smirked when he stopped and stared at her.

"You don't seem bothered by this?"

"I'm not." She was also still in bed, propped up on her elbows just watching.

By now he'd put on an undershirt and was halfway through buttoning a fresh dress shirt which he pulled from the closet. "Mac, we're going to get our asses chewed out."

He chose that particular moment to bend down and reach for his slacks that had fallen to the floor, the action giving her a glimpse of his boxer clad six. "And such a cute ass you have."

Exasperated, Harm stood up and faced her with an annoyed expression. "Red light, Colonel!"

"Oh, no no. We're waaaaay past traffic signals, Commander." She eyed him for a moment as he practically ran out of the room, into the living room and back again. "What are you looking for?"

"My tie, where is it?" He stood in the middle of their bedroom with his hands on his hips wearing unbuttoned slacks and a still half unbuttoned dress shirt. "Oh, I know!" He rushed off into the living room again tearing into a box that had his dress socks, undershirts and ties. Once he returned, tie around his neck Mac slid out of bed and stood in front of him. She was naked and the nearness of her stopped his erratic behavior. His breath hitched as her hands smoothed over his chest and up to his shoulders. She loosened the tie, undid the top few buttons of his shirt and pressed her lips against the skin of his neck. "Mac… we're already late." And his resolve was wavering, crumbling to pieces when her hand moved down his chest to stop at the waist of his slacks.

"Exactly." She cocked an eyebrow at him in challenge and pushed him onto the bed...

...Mac was fidgeting on the drive to Headquarters and was practically antsy once they stepped into the elevator. She roughly punched the button to their floor and then proceeded to nervously drum her fingers on the briefcase she held. The thought of pacing crossed her mind but, then she'd run into Harm every other step and that was certainly not a good idea. "Has this thing always been so damned slow?"

"Nervous, Colonel?" He raised a brow and couldn't hide the smirk at her obvious concern for their lateness. "Hey, you're the one that seduced me into a quickie which was anything but." Not that it was long and languorous either but, they hadn't been fast about it.

"Seduced?" Mac scoffed at his widening grin. "Ha. You can't seduce the willing and I didn't exactly hear you complain."

"I well…. you're a little addictive." He began to move closer to her, bridging the distance until he was infringing on her personal space inappropriately so. "Your car broke down. I went to pick you up. It's our story and we're sticking to it." Harm said quickly and then planted a lingering kiss on her lips before the elevator signaled its arrival to their floor.

When they separated, Mac noticed the smudge of her lipstick on his lips. "Commander, wait!" But, he was out of the cab and halfway to the glass doors before she could remove the signs of their kiss.

"I think the coast is clear." Harm threw over his shoulder, passing through the bullpen. He gave a once over in the direction of Creswell's office and was nearly inside his own when a stern command had him snapping to attention.

"Commander Rabb! Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie, snap to!"

Mac groaned audibly as she came to attention, her eyes finding a spot on the far wall as the General neared them with the precision of a heat seeking missile. She could sense the whole bullpen stop and stare towards her and Harm. The whole thing had a naked in front of the Marine Corps band feeling and it was her fault. Then again, maybe it was Harm's fault for being so irresistibly cute?

"You're late." Creswell stood somewhere between the two of them and glanced from one officer to the other. "Beyond late." He bellowed making sure that all those around could hear his voice. "Petty Officer, did the Colonel or the Commander advise you of there tardiness?"

Neither of them noticed Petty Officer Coates was on his heels. "No, sir." She wanted to cover for her friends but knew both officers would be disappointed if she lied. "I have no knowledge of this."

"Explain yourselves."

Harm took a breath and spoke. "The Colonel's car wouldn't start. I offered to take a look at it and once I realized I couldn't repair it, I drove her to work."

Creswell eyed Mac, taking in her impassive look and decided to hone in on Harm. He stepped to the younger man and stared up at him. "You don't have a phone? Either of you?"

"No excuse, sir." Mac said, chiming in with hopes of getting Harm off the hook only to have the General stepping right in front of her. "Won't happen again."

"It better not." He moved back to Harm, looking the younger man up and down. While his uniform was in place, a closer inspection found the clear signs of a morning after. In fact, both officers had this glow about them, it made him bite back a grin. "You are out of uniform, Commander." He produced a handkerchief from his breast pocket and handed it to Harm, motioning up at his face.. "Last I checked that shade of burgundy wasn't issued with your blues. Fix it ASAP."

"Thank you, sir." He wiped his lips and then glanced at the handkerchief to find the burgundy smudge. It took a herculean effort to not glare at Mac.

The General let them stand at attention a while longer, shaking his head at his two most senior attorneys. At the very least, it was being kept out of the office, for now. "At ease. My office in five. I'll have Coates bring you some coffee, you're gonna need it."

An hour later Harm and Mac sat across from each other in the conference room, a slew of loose pages strewn between them across the large desk. "Could have been worse." Mac said, shoving a pen underneath her cast to scratch at the itchy skin, thanking God it was coming off in two weeks time. In the short time that Creswell had been the JAG, he'd found some ways to save on costs and other things that he'd come to question. They needed new computers, a new fleet of vehicles and several other improvements to the aging building. It was a task he would have assigned a younger officer but found it to be a suitable punishment for Harm and Mac.

"Putting our heads together we should knock this out of the ballpark by tomorrow." She glanced up to find Harm staring at her with those bedroom eyes she was growing accustomed to. His gaze made the butterflies in her tummy flutter and an uncontrollable shiver ran through Mac. It was a look he'd often given her in the past but this time his eyes were darker and he didn't turn away. He stared at her hungrily and she felt that pull of desire that was best kept out of the office. The heat of his gaze made her look down to the notepad she was scribbling on.

"You need to stop looking at me like that at work."

"Like what?" He said, glancing away long enough to reach for his coffee cup.

"Like you've seen me naked."

Her comment had him choking on his coffee which he'd been in the process of sipping. "Sorry. I uh, hadn't noticed I've been doing that." And here he thought he was being subtle.

"I like it." She admitted with a dreamy expression. "It's sexy but, slightly inappropriate given our current setting."

"I've fantasized about you at work before." Harm said suddenly, his cheeks tinting in a blush when his eyes met hers.

"Have you? Flip to page 45, your H&K exploits are at it again."

He did as told and cringed when he glanced down at the paperwork to see a hefty bill from bullet holes that were nearly nine years old. "This is ridiculous, it was fixed eons ago." Six years ago to be exact when he and Bud had tackled the budget report and managed to save HQ quite a bit of money.

"Mmm. I'll put a few calls in, make sure we're not being railroaded by maintenance." She made a few notes on a legal pad and then looked back up at him. "So? Your little fantasy? Do tell, Commander."

"Hallucination, actually… and fantasy." Although at the time he really couldn't separate one from the other. It all seemed too real and haunted him for months to come.

Mac raised a brow. "Which one was it?"

"Both?" He said with a shrug and recalled how she had slipped into the Admirals office saying something about the weather and making love. "You were wearing this white gown…" And that damn outfit had hugged her curves so sensually like a second skin. The way draped over her chest made her boobs look bigger.

"Made my what look bigger?"

"Boobs." Harm's head snapped up to find Mac staring at him with her characteristic raised eyebrow. "Uh, did I… Uh, say that out loud?"

"'Fraid so, flyboy." She managed to stop herself from blushing instead concentrating on the, now squirming Commander sitting across from her. Given their current relationship, his reaction was absolutely cute.

When Harm decided that his death by her hands was not eminent, he took a long drink coffee and then went back to work. Taking a pen, he chewed on the cap, pressing down hard with his teeth as he read sentence after sentence about the maintenance issues from his little stunt. Harm could feel Mac's eyes on him and when he raised his head up, he found her staring at his mouth.

"Do you really like kissing women?" The question came out quickly and now it was Mac's turn to blush. It had become practically impossible to take her eyes off his lips, especially when he was chewing on a pen or the little stir sticks for coffee. He did it without thought, a habit that Harm probably indulged in after quitting cigars. God working with him was going to be much more difficult than she thought. "Ugh, that came out wrong."

"Well I sure as shit don't like kissing men." He said, visible cringing at the thought.

"That's not what I meant."

He put the pen down and focused his attention on her. "Elaborate."

Mac glanced around the room, her eyes stopping at the double doors when she heard footsteps in the hall. She waited a moment or two, making sure they were alone and would not be interrupted to continue their conversation. "Well, you kiss me lots. A lot, a lot." More than other men she'd been with and for once, she really enjoyed it.

Mic's kisses had been a little sloppy, a little too wet. His idea of a deep kiss was ramming his tongue down her throat. She often had to slow him down.

Clay's kisses were measured to the point of almost being chaste. How she ever considered a future with him was beyond her, the man wasn't much into showing that kind of affection.

Chris tried to be romantic but, when you're sloppy drunk kissing wasn't exactly done with any type of finesse. Plus, she was young then, stupid and he had been her first.

John had been a good kisser, thorough and tender but, he lacked the thrill of passion. He was good, experienced but, she didn't feel that flutter in her belly.

Dalton's kisses were sort of nice but not frequent enough. Once things got a little serious it was clear that part of their relationship would become extinct.

And then there was Harm. He kissed her so many different ways that she'd lost count. He could be fiercely passionate, his mouth on hers akin to love making. There were times when he was tender and loving. It always left her thoroughly satisfied, even the quick, chaste kisses which could get rather out of hand.

Harm glanced at her lips and then trained his eyes on hers trying to gauge her expression. Had he read something wrong? "Do you not like that?" He hoped she did because rather liked kissing, it made her come alive for him.

"Oh, I do… soooo much. I was just uh… well, do you? Like it." Insecurities would always be a part of her and Mac didn't want him doing something he didn't enjoy. "I mean it's normal in a relationship but there's times that's all we do and I uh… I'm rambling."

Harm reached across the table taking her hand in his and squeezing gently. "Yeah, Mac. I do like kissing you. A lot." In fact, he wished he could round the table, take her into his arms and kiss her some more. Instead, he kept hold of her hand, thumb circling her knuckles gently. "Anything I do with you or to you I enjoy, thoroughly. Pleasing you, pleases me."

His voice had dipped seductively and Mac could feel a warmth creep down her neck and settle lower. "Same. Which Is why I want you to let me reciprocate more."

"Mac…"

"No, Harm. I want to." She hated when he stopped her from pleasing him. "I love seeing what I do to you it's not fair when you stop me."

Harm sighed and pushed away the wicked thoughts that had crossed his mind. He released her hand and shifted on the seat. "Look at us having a conversation like adults."

"Another rip in the time space continuum?"

"Whatever works." He grabbed a highlighter from the center of the table and circled the area she had indicated earlier.

Mac too turned her interests back to the report, not daring to look at him when she spoke. "So is this when I don't tell you how incredibly turned on you just made me?"

"Yep. It's also where I don't tell you that my slacks are entirely too tight at the moment."

She almost giggled at their predicament. "We're a fine pair, aren't we?"

"Oh, and for the record, Colonel… Most of my fantasies of you have been about us kissing not just sex." Harm raised his head to look at her offering his best flyboy grin.

"I think we may need to add to those fantasies of yours, Flyboy." She said with a wink.

Harm took a breath and held it, becoming solemn for a moment. The last few weeks since they returned from San Diego had been nothing short of wonderful and while it was nice that they moved in together, there were pieces that still needed to fall into place. "When do you want to tell our friends about us?"

"Do we have to?" She asked, not wanting to raise her head to look at him.

"We're living together, Mac. It's only a matter of time before they figure it out."

"I just want this to be our secret for a while."

Only Harm could tell from the tone of her voice that it wasn't a secret she was trying to keep. There was something else she wasn't telling him. "What's wrong?"

"What if they don't think that we should be together? It wasn't that long ago that I was with Webb and now you and I…" She was afraid of what others would think, the woman that goes from one man to another without a care. It was that very reason she had run away to the Guadalcanal years ago, the fear of rejection from her friends. The looks they would likely given her if they knew the truth - she was marrying one man while in love with another.

It was bad enough that they had seen her something of a pariah when Harm had gone to the CIA. Their close friends divided as if she and Harm had divorced. "I should have never gone to Clay."

"Mac, don't. That's over."

"I'm sorry I hurt you." She couldn't help the tear that fell from her eye or the disappointment in herself for being so damned weak. "I loved you and I went to another - with Mic and then Webb. And I blamed you for it… I blamed you for not telling me what you felt when I could have, should have told you what I felt." Mac brushed away the tear and buried her face in her hands. "I hurt you and I am not sure I can ever make it up and I'm afraid our friends will see the mess that I've made and think you deserve better."

Harm stood, moving around the table to come to her side. "Mac, every time we've come back to each other. If that isn't a sign, I don't know what is." He pulled her out of the chair and into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her. "Our friends want us to be happy. We're good for each other and they know it."

"You think so?" She said on a sniffle and looked up to meet his eyes.

"Yeah, Sarah. I do." He held her for a moment longer, finally letting go and sitting on the edge of the table when she settled into her chair. He brushed away an errant tear and pressed his hand to her cheek. "Let's finish this thing up so we can get home at a decent time and unpack some things, huh?"

Home. Their home, the idea sent a feeling of warmth spreading through her. Mac knew that certain things wouldn't be easy, but the look in his eyes gave her hope.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Sturgis had been in the law library for the better part of an hour digging up a way to prevent his client from spending considerable time in the brig. During his research there had been another officer in the library seated at the small table by the window often staring out.

It had concerned him, Harm was never the type to just space out. The man had been downright sulky in the last few days to insubordinate at times with the General. Undoubtedly it had to do with a certain Marine's absence and the current assignment of said Marine.

She'd been gone a week, would be gone one more and Sturgis wondered if his friend would make it without chewing everyone's head off. "She's a Marine. She'll be fine plus she's going in with a full detail, General's orders."

"Am I that obvious?" Harm continued to stare out of the window at nothing in particular. He tried calling Mac twice but, she'd been too busy to talk - and likely too pissed at him. At least she was safe - for now.

"Yes. She gets a similar look when you're off doing quals."

Harm turned to face his former classmate. They'd been estranged for too long. "Think we can mend fences?"

Solemnly Sturgis said, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone..."

"...forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13." At Sturgis' amused look Harm merely shrugged. "My grandmother practically drilled that into my head." He grinned recalling a childhood with an exasperated grandmother who didn't care for Harm's treatment of Trish and Frank. He'd been unbearable then and his grandmother would set him straight. "She figured it would one day make me forgive my mother for remarrying."

"Did it work?"

"Not until I was much older and less angry… or less stupid." He waved at the chair opposite him. "Take a load off." When Sturgis was settled, he offered some insight on his mood. "We fought before she left, Mac and me."

"What about now?"

Harm sighed. "Her assignment."

_Mac had been packing much with the same enthusiasm of someone going on vacation. A few days earlier the General received a call stating that the Colonel's assistance was required back in Aceh. Captain Jarot had requested her to personally handle another issue that had arisen between Indonesian police and the MPs at the embassy. She had agreed and had been practically giddy despite having to rush to Dulles. When she shoved two pairs of civvies in her duffle, Harm was concerned. "You're excited to go?"_

"_I'm hoping to see Liliana, she sends me a letter several times a year. Where is the toiletry bag?" He grabbed from the center of the bed and handed it to her. "Thank you."_

_Harm was sitting with his back against the headboard merely watching her. It struck him that there were things he didn't know about her - like the packages to the little girl. Undoubtedly they would learn more about each other as time went on, but that little factlet about Lilliana troubled him. "You never told me that."_

_Mac shrugged, "When the embassy reopened I got in touch with Captain Jarot. I send her a care package a few times a year with clothes, candies and a few things she can't get over there." She admitted with a wide smile that would have been contagious had Harm been in a better mood. "She has to be so big right now."_

_"I was thinking, maybe I can get the General to send me with you?" Didn't he have several days of leave accumulated? Hell, he would take a few weeks and pay for his own trip. With his military ID it would be a cinch to shadow her at the embassy. If he ran to problems, a quick call to the CIA would suffice. They owed him to the moon and back anyway._

_She stopped packing and leveled a glare his way. While his concern made her feel loved, she wasn't about to play damsel in distress to his knight in shining armor. "I don't need a babysitter, Harm. The Embassy's gates were rebuilt, the place is like a fortress."_

_"It was a fortress before and still got overrun." He folded his arms across his chest and glared back. "Reports are coming in that most non-essential personnel are being ordered out."_

_"That's a precaution. SOP. You know that."_

_Damnit, she was gonna make him say it, wasn't she? And undoubtedly bringing to a grinding halt that honeymoon phase of their relationship. "I don't want you to go, Mac."_

_"Harm." She warned._

_"It isn't safe. Let Jarot handle the unrest his own way."_

_She sighed, grabbed the toiletry bag and shoved it into a corner of the duffle. "It's my job. We didn't join the military because it was a safe. We joined to serve our country. Besides, I'm a Marine who's been in worse situations than Aceh." It was scary but Bosnia had been worse when she and a handful of Marines had taken cover behind a Humvee when their convoy had been attacked.__It had been her first time in a real war zone where the battalion was constantly on edge._

_She had taken and given fire, like a real Marine and saved a Corporal from shrapnel wounds. That was far worse. Hell, Paraguay had been worse. She shook her head from the memories and looked up at him. "I'm coming back, you know? It's just a couple of weeks, probably less."_

_Hadn't she told him that once before when she walked out on him to join Webb in Paraguay? "Don't give me the 'I'm a Marine' speech. You aren't going."_

_That struck a nerve, pushed a button and simply pissed her off. Mac couldn't stop the iciness of her tone if she tried. "Excuse me?"_

_"You aren't going, Mac. I'm going to call the General and tell him what happened last time."_

_"The hell you are. You have no right to do that. Just like I have no right to tell you not to fly."_

_Harm could only stare at her, his brain unable to grasp at the similarities or differences between one thing or another. "What does flying have to do with it?"_

_"It's dangerous. It's one of the most dangerous jobs in the world to land on that goddamned carrier."_

_"Please, it's not the same." He scoffed and waved off her concern. "I can control a plane, you can't control a mob or men with guns hellbent on taking out a US Marine. You don't have to be there."_

_"And you don't have to fly but, you still do."_

_"Mac."_

_"Do you think I wanted you to go to a carrier last week? Don't you think I worried? Prayed? Shit, I even cried!" She hated admitting that to him but it was the truth. Every night since the moment he went for his quals, Mac cried. She missed him desperately and couldn't quite get over the memories of one rainy night so many years ago._

_ "I support you because I love you even though it kills me when you go."_

_"If you love me you won't go."_

_She rolled her eyes. "No, Harm. Don't try to pull that card on me. That's not what a relationship is based on."_

_He snorted at her comment and went for the jugular. It was involuntary really, he just couldn't stop himself from pressing her buttons. "Like you know much about relationships?" The moment the words came out of his mouth Harm got the deer in the headlights look. He open and closed mouth a few times trying to formulate something to say or way to take it back._

_It was too late though, Mac already had the duffel bag slung over her shoulder.__Harm practically bounded out of the bed, coming to block her exit from their room with his hands on her arms. "Mac, I'm sorry… I didn't mean…"_

_"Get out of my way." She couldn't stand to look at him, merely shrugged out of his gentle hold and moved past when he stepped aside.__"_

_Mac, please." He didn't bother following her to the airport, Harm knew she wouldn't listen…._

With Mac gone Harm had been given plenty of time to think about his past mistakes with her. They were tight once, good friends with the possibility of becoming more and then he'd become obsessed again. "I shouldn't have left JAG to fly."

"That was years ago."

"Almost five and it was the beginning of the end for us." Harm Never would have thought that going back to a squadron would have changed his life so drastically. His career had taken a hit, although he had been warned that going to fly would be a step back. What hurt the most was returning to find that his closeness with Mac had all but disappeared.

She practically had a new partner now in brumby, a man who didn't hide his feelings for her in fact he wore them on his sleeve. He pursued Mac wore her down until he got her. "We could never get back our stride." He loved her then but kept it concealed because he believed there was a right thing to do. If he were truthful with himself, Harm would admit that he was afraid of feelings that were too intense.

"Why did you go back?" Sturgis asked out of curiosity.

Harm grinned. "Dad." It was always about his father when it came to flying. "After we found out that he died the only thing that brought me closer to him was flying... There was also that sense of unfinished business you know? I had to see if I was still good enough to be up there."

Sturgis studied his friend for a moment and the way Harm was once again staring at the window. He'd witnessed the dynamic between him and Mac for too long. It was time for him to come clean with her secret. "She's gonna kill me for this but I've held this secret for too long."

"What?"

"Mac's in love with you. She let it slip and I foolishly promise not tell. I swore you'd figure it out not let it drive a wedge between you."

Mac's in love with you. Harm grinned at his friend. "You did the right thing."

"Don't you feel the same?" Sturgis was practically appalled at his friend's behavior, expecting for the other man to at least show some sort of emotional instead of that stupid grin. He cringed visibly, imagining the worst that maybe just perhaps Harm had found someone else. "Please tell me you aren't seeing someone."

"I am."

Stuegis felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach and a sense of sadness washed over him. These 2 if anyone deserved a happy life together, couldn't they see that? "Do I know her?

"Yep, you do." Harm's grin widened to a full smile. "In fact, her office is next to mine. Hottest Marine Lt Colonel in all the Corps."

"What? You screwing with me?"

"Fraid not. Mac and I...After Webb.. I mean.. We're an us." He offered almost shyly.

If Sturgis didn't know any better, he figured that Harm was blushing. "How serious is it?" He couldn't help the awestruck expression when Harm reached into his breast pocket and pulled out two white gold rings.

He placed them on the table between the two of them and sighed heavily. The larger ring was a band of solid white gold with a slight indentation that went around the edge, the word "Sarah" engraved in a cursive font. His name was engraved inside the smaller ring which had an intricate rose pattern adorning the band. "Got these the day she left."

Sturgis stared at the circles, feeling a weight lifting off his shoulders. "No engagement ring?"

Harm shook his head. "She's had one of those already and it didn't end well."

"Its tradition."

"We 'll make our own...I love her Sturgis, so much I don't want to live without her…. I gave up my commission once to save her and I am willing to give it up now to keep her if I have to."

"Don't do anything rash before you talk to her she'd kill you."

"I know." Harm agreed but could at least put certain things into motion. "Think your dad would come out of retirement long enough to marry us?"

"Only if I'm the best man."

"Deal"

Two Weeks Later

It was 23:45 when Mac stepped into their apartment to find Harm stretched out on the sofa with a file opened on his chest. He was still in uniform, sort of, wearing his dress slacks and a half unbuttoned dress shirt.

She dropped her duffle bag by the door that she locked before stepping towards him. The man really did look adorable when he was sleeping. Carefully she took the file off his chest, Making sure not to drop any of the notes that he had scribbled on a small pad as she placed them on the coffee table.

Mac crawled on top of him then, gently moving over his body. She pressed a kiss on his lips when harms eyes fluttered open. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." One hand came to the side of her face as his arm wrapped around Mac and tighten its grip. She kissed him slowly as if trying to recall the taste of him. "No longer mad at me?" He asked with a sheepish grin only to have Mac snuggle against him, her head burying into his shoulder.

"Oh, I am but, we've had too many misunderstandings in the past that led us nowhere. I don't wanna fall into that pattern again." She raised her head up from his shoulder to look at him. " I need you to trust me the way that I do you."

"I'm sorry for being an ass. I have this nasty habit of sticking my foot in my mouth when it comes to you. I'll try to work on that." Harm ran his fingers through her hair when her head came down to his chest. He was content to lay like this with her, enjoying the simplicity of it all. "Do you want me to give up flying?"

Mac's hand that was pressed against his chest grasped a handful of his shirt. "You'd do that for me?"

"For us… Yeah, I would."

A solitary tear slipped from her eye at the notion that he was willing to give up something that he loved so they're much for her, for them. As much as she hated when he flew, Mac wouldn't do that to him. "No, Harm, I don't want you to give it up. It's a part of you, it keeps you close to your dad. I get that. I won't take it away from you."

"I missed you." He said, brushing the tear away with the pad of his thumb.

"I missed you, too."

And then he kissed her.


	20. Chapter 20

I do apologize for the delay in finishing this little story. This chapter has been redone a few times as I was bored with it and had an idea and it was just not being written.

In the end I liked the ending and… fear not dear reader, there will be an epilogue as chapter 21...a glimpse into Harm and Mac's future 14 years later - they will still be together and happy.

The ending for this one is a bit unorthodox but I didn't want the normal thing we writers all tend to go by. It's a different resolution and the epilogue will explain more.

At some point I will write a smuttier version for this one but, now is not the time. :)

Enjoy and thank you for the comments, reviews (good or bad). I have a few ideas in the works for other stories, at the moment I am still getting over the NCIS garbage and have lost faith in ever seeing our lovers united properly ON SCREEN. Honestly, I could have written their return much much better and left room for a spin off or a reboot. Anyway… enough about that… on with the show!

**Chapter 20**

"Am I allowed to ask what the plan is?" Harm queried, grunting as he helped Mac move their mattress into the living room, depositing it close to the fireplace. He'd gone along with her whim, curiously wondering what the purpose of relocating their bedding was all about. Although it was cute to watch her try to do it on her own when the Marine in her refused to ask for help, eventually he grabbed an end. A two person job, it had still been a pain to maneuver, forcing them to take several odd angles, grunts, groans and a team effort to finally get it to its intended location.

Satisfied, Mac retreated to the bedroom returning with an armful of pillows and blankets that she unceremoniously dropped onto the mattress. "Sleep by the fire… Kinda like camping." Her lips turned up in a cute smile and she was unable to contain her excitement. The woman always loved the Holidays, a fact he'd learned when Mac would have her apartment decorated before Thanksgiving each year. This time, she had taken great care when decorating their apartment, combining his meager decorations with her plentiful ones.

Given the disappearance of his father on such a fateful day, his participation during Christmas had been mostly out of tradition rather than a want to actually celebrate it. He'd begrudgingly gone along with Renee's desire to put a tree in his apartment once but had not allowed for much more. This year, though, he suggested shopping for a natural tree and then spent the Saturday before Thanksgiving decorating the apartment. He'd watched with interest as she brought their mantel to life creating an intricate Christmas village with ceramic houses that once belonged to her grandmother.

"Camping?" He finally asked when Mac came to her knees and began to neatly arrange the bed. "On a mattress? On the floor?" Harm placed a hand on his hips and shook his head.

Mac nodded enthusiastically and that cute smile spread wider. "Where's your sense of adventure? It's too cold to go actual camping and I thought it would be fun for our first Christmas together." She came to her feet and stepped towards him, her hands coming up to run over his chest and behind his neck pulling him down for a sweet kiss. "When are you heading to the Wall?"

One of his hands that had wrapped around her waist slipped into the pocket of his slacks and the small velvet bag that held his future with her. His fingers had brushed over the fuzzy material most of the night, his heart racing each time Harm tried to find the exact time to ask. Landing a plane on a storm tossed carrier at sea was less harrowing than this.

Earlier they had sat in his Lexus on Bud and Harriet's front lawn making out like teenagers and stalling. Harm knew his friends would catch on the moment he and Mac walked in together and their secret would be over. He'd rather enjoyed keeping Mac to himself for the last few months and was unwilling to let it go. Though Mac felt the same, after nine years of their dance, it had been time.

There had been questions, shocked expressions and congratulatory hugs. All in all, the news of their relationship was received well, even the General seemed pleased although he reminded Harm of a past conversation and what would happen if it turned into something more. At one point that evening, Mac stood by the fireplace, idly chatting with Jen and Harriet wearing a dark red dress that made her look so stunning.

He almost got on one knee and asked her then, but something made him stop. With a rush, he'd disappeared into the bathroom, splashed water on his face and then returned to the party as if nothing had happened. "I'm not going to the Wall this year."

"Why not? It's tradition." She slipped out of his arms and went to the kitchen, adding the finishing touches to the homemade hot chocolate simmering in a pot. "You can go to the Wall, Harm. I know how much it means to you." She said when he followed and leaned against the doorframe, watching her sprinkle cinnamon into the pot.

"It's our first Christmas_ together_ as a couple… I kinda wanted to spend it with you. There will be other Christmases, the Wall isn't going anywhere He'll understand." Harm moved into the kitchen and placed a kiss on her shoulder and another on her neck. She leaned back against him when his arms wrapped around her waist.

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Really, _really_ sure?"

"Why do I get the feeling you're trying to get rid of me, Marine?"

At that he released her only to find Mac turning to him with an impish grin. She lazily ran a finger over his chest and when her eyes met his, they flashed with a look of mischief. "Because I had something planned for you when you get back to me?"

Her voice had taken on a low, seductive tone that made his heart race. "What did you have planned?"

"Oh, nothing much - a little this, a little that." She came up to her toes and kissed him slowly, slapping Harm's hand away when he tried to slide it under the dress she was still wearing. "Now, now, Commander. Patience. You need to wait."

And when she disappeared into the bedroom Harm felt awkward in his own house. He didn't know what to do and traded time between sitting patiently on the sofa and returning to the kitchen to make sure the chocolate wouldn't stick to the bottom of the pot. His hand one again caressed the small velvet bag and he wondered if it was too cheesy and predictable to ask her to marry him that night?

Would she even want to?

Things were great and they had ventured into a type of ease he hadn't felt with anyone else. But, would she want more from him? And why would they even need to rock the boat? A marriage came with a lot of changes, some of which he didn't feel she needed so soon after… well after. And yet, he welcomed the changes because he wanted this with her.

Harm shook his head and grinned. When the hell had he become such a romantic sap?

He knew the answer - nearly nine years ago in a rose garden when a beautiful Marine Major walked into his life. It had always been her only he'd been too stupid, too scared. They both were. "Merry Christmas, sailor." His jaw nearly hit the floor when he saw her leaning against the door frame to their bedroom.

Mac was barefoot, toenails painted bright red. Her long, toned legs were crossed at the ankles and she was wearing a Ms. Claus outfit of the lingerie variety. The deep red chemise dipped into a 'V' accentuating the swell of her breasts and hugging the curves of her hips, stopping slightly higher than mid thigh. It was almost see through and had white, fluffy trim around all of the edges. There were two strings attached from where it stopped just between her breast that Mac was dangling from her fingers. On her head she wore a Santa hat.

She grinned at his expression, his mouth agape and eyes that stared intently as if she were a mirage that suddenly appeared. Mac had some sexy bed wear that he had seen but mostly left much to the imagination. In all honesty, he could care less about the lingerie knowing it would be stripped off of her quickly, he preferred her naked. While she wasn't completely nude, the sheer outfit showed more skin that other things she owned. She made a show of walking through the living room, turning off all of the lights until the only thing left was the warm glow of the fireplace and the lights of the Christmas tree.

That's when he noticed her bare backside and the thong underwear that matched the rest of her outfit. His slacks had suddenly become rather restrictive. "Damn, Mac." In the last few months he'd noticed just how well she could seduce him but this time, he was done for. "I… _damn_."

"Cat got your tongue, Commander?" She practically purred and slid into his lap, her hand running up his chest and over his heart to find it beating a rough staccato. "Your heart is racing."

If only she knew. "Nerves, I guess."

She cocked her head to the side and grinned. "Do I make you nervous?"

His hands were on her hips, fingertips caressing her skin as he tried to maintain some level of control as she played her game. "You turn me on."

Mac stood then and moved to the mattress, laying on her side so she was facing him. "You can unwrap me now." She chuckled when he eagerly came to her side.

A few hours later, Mac lay stretched out over Harm. She was still wearing the outfit at his insistence but he was now wearing her Santa hat. His fingers played with the fluffy edges of the fabric and he chuckled at her brand of 'camping' deciding it was something they needed to do from time to time, sexy lingerie and all. He turned his head to the side noting the black velvet pouch had fallen out of his pants that were haphazardly thrown to the floor. It sat within reach and he felt his heart start to beat faster again.

Carefully, he stretched, reaching the bag and balling it into his hands. He swore he could feel the cool metal circles inside and the weight of what they meant threatened to crush him. He glanced down at Mac, her head resting on his chest with a content smile spread across her lips. Nine years, almost. Nine long years of heartache that they'd put themselves through and now this… And God, he never wanted to go through that again, to lose her again. "Mac?"

"Mmmm?" She mumbled sleepily as she snuggled into him.

"I want you to open something." This was it, that moment that would make or break them forever. His heart began hammering again, so loud he was sure she could hear it. Her head came off his chest and those brown eyes met his. He shifted to his side, forcing her to do the same as he placed the velvet bag between the two of them on the mattress.

Mac stared at it quizzically. "I thought we were gonna opens gifts in the morning?" Even so, she eagerly took the pouch, using her fingers to pull apart the cinch and emptied the contents between them. Two white gold rings - one large and one small - spilled out.

"They're wedding rings, Mac… Ours." He explained. "In a way, we've been together for years. I don't want an engagement. I don't need to spend months our years trying to figure things out with you."

When she said nothing, he grabbed the little circles and held them in his open palm as an offering to her. "If you don't wanna marry me, that's also fine as long as we're together…. I just want you… I will never feel for anyone what I do for you, Sarah."

Mac glanced between the rings and Harm noting the nervous, yet expectant look. In the last few months, after Clay and a sort of normalcy spread between them she had thought about the next step. She wanted him, always had and in the depths of her mind fantasized a time or two about Harm as her husband. It excited her, sending butterflies to her stomach. And just as quickly, she would worry about work, and a partnership that would come to an end if they wed.

Neither of them would be willing to give up their careers, of this Mac was sure. It was too much a part of who they were and she wouldn't ask that of him, not when she loved him they way she did. Maybe there was an alternative? She plucked the larger ring and took his left hand, slowly slipping the circle onto his ring finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"Mac, it's not official unless it's overseen by someone." He explained, as if she wasn't aware of how a proper matrimony worked. Still, he took the smaller ring between his fingers, poised to do the same as her.

"Is God not good enough for you?" She looked up at the ceiling and back at him with a dazzling smile. His blushing bride. "Harm, I know we have a lot of hurdles to jump over. Things we need to figure out and I want to figure it all out with you. I love you."

When she leaned in to kiss him, Harm stopped her grabbing her left hand and sliding the ring home. He pressed a kiss where it now sat, it's intricate engravings complimented her long fingers. "With this ring I thee wed… I love you, Mac." And then they kissed, sealing a promise of a future in the most unorthodox way. Then again, it was their way because things between them could never be simple. It would make for an exciting future.


	21. EPILOGUE 14 YEARS LATER - 2019

**EPILOGUE 14 YEARS LATER - 2019.**

Mac leaned against the doorframe of his office, a smile widening as she watched him

type frantically on his computer. 14 years together and he was still the sexiest man on Earth. And, yes, they did get married officially - six months after their union in the living room on Christmas Eve - a small ceremony at botanic garden in San Diego.

Time had been good to him although he had a few wrinkles here and there mostly a result of his flyboy smile, Harm had aged like a fine wine. And dammit did he look delicious in faded black jeans and an equally faded Harley t-shirt that stretched across his chest. "Wrap it up, Rabb. It's Saturday and the ol' ball and chain here is starving."

Harm knew she was watching and he managed to keep an impassive look as he finished his report. Now, he just couldn't help but look up at her. Mac too had maintained a youthful appearance. As she leaned against his door frame dressed in faded blue jeans, a black halter top and dangling her leather jacket on her fingers, that familiar lick of desire coursed through him.

Her hair was short, held back by a pair of sunglasses that she pushed into place when they slid down. She painted the picture of an elegant biker chic. He was a lucky man. "The boss needs me to finish my report, give me a few."

"Mmm. Your boss is a bit of a killjoy at times." She pushed off the frame, dropped her jacket into a guest chair and then walked around the desk only to slide onto his lap. Mac's arms came around his neck as his lips met hers in a deep kiss. "Work can wait. I'm starved."

Harm held her close and his hands caressed the curves of her body that he knew by heart. "So since I'm sleeping with the office manager does this mean I get to play hooky and finish later?" He motioned at the computer and grinned at the exasperated look on her face. "To be fair, you didn't let me finish it last night and you made us late this morning." He was kissing her neck and breathing in the unique scent of her skin that was still intoxicating.

"I did, didn't I?" She grinned mischievously and tilted her head back to give him better access. "How about I help you finish it later if you take me to dinner?"

"Deal. I'll go grab my jacket." Harm tried to move but Mac simply wrapped her arms tighter around him. "Maybe dinner can wait a while?" He caught a twinkle in her eye at his words and grinned when her lips met his again. Thank God the office was closed.

After their marriage Harm had opted to join the reserves although Mac protested. Due to varying issues, most recently his stint in the CIA, Harm's chances for career advancement were next to nothing. In the end he had done everything possible, flown supersonic jets, traveled the world, became a lawyer, tried historic cases. He'd worked for the CIA and even as a crop duster. What he needed was a woman in his life who could deal with his wild side, a woman who liked a little adventure - turns out he and Mac were more than perfect as a couple.

No more than one month after their marriage, Mac had been offered the opportunity of a lifetime to a command billet in London. He had followed along and found himself training pilots at the Naval base and maintaining his commission. Part of him missed the law, the epic battles in the courtroom but, he enjoyed his new position. He was happy, they both were.

The only bump in the road had been Mac's inability to have children. They had tried several methods, each leaving her exhausted and hurt that she couldn't give Harm a child. It had nearly torn them apart when feelings of inadequacies had her questioning his love for her. Would she be enough for him? He deserved to have a happy life with a complete woman.

It was a trip to San Diego for a much needed vacation that brought Harm and Mac back together with AJ Chegwidden who had opened a small but successful private investigation firm on the West Coast. He needed a few trusted employees to help him run the company and didn't take much coaxing for his favorite senior officers to agree.

The new location had been a breath of fresh air as was the proximity to Harm's parents - specifically Trish who had shared a similar condition with Mac along with an occasional sense of unworthiness. She and Frank had tried for years to give Harm a little brother or sister it just never happened. Much like Harm and Mac, the effort had caused a strain in the relationship. Yet there they were, happily married and things still worked. If anything, the love for her husband had grown. At Trish's suggestion, Harm and Mac attended couples counselling courses for a time to help ease the pain of not having children. It gave Mac the tools to learn to live a full life without worry that she wasn't enough for him.

The PI office was small but flourished once Harm and Mac came on board and put their investigative expertise to good use. The job allowed them to keep similar hours and work together - something both had missed once they had been married. It was that partnership that kept their relationship run and exciting - especially when you had someone to bounce ideas off of. Harm and Mac had become partners in every way, a dynamic that made their bond stronger.

"Are we still going to Mammoth next weekend?" Mac asked as they lay on his office sofa side by side. She caressed his cheek, her fingers tracing the edges of the five o'clock shadow that gave Harm an added deliciousness that he would surely shave off in the morning like a good sailor keeping his grooming standards. Her husband was still a military man through and through.

A soft throw covered the two of them and Harm tightened his hold on Mac. "Mmm hmm. Rented that same cabin."

"Oooh." His lips found her collar bone and he teased feather-light kisses lower until he reached the valley of her breasts. "The same one we spent our tenth anniversary in?"

"Yep, that one." The cabin was the tiniest of things, situated at the base of the mountain and minutes away from the gondolas that traveled to the ski resort. Just outside of town, it was slightly secluded and picturesque. "The owner remembered us. Or you, chopping wood while I sat on the porch nursing my broken toe." A broken toe that he'd sustained when his newly wed wife woke him up screaming in the middle of the night after she found a spider in the head. He'd hit it against the wooden frame of their bed as he rushed to her aid.

Mac blushed at the memory. "I'd forgotten about that… the spider was really big."

It wasn't nor was it poisonous but, he'd played her hero anyway and she his after a trip to the ER confirmed the small fracture. "No spiders or broken toes this time, deal?" He said as his lips resumed moving down her body stopping to take one supple nipple into his mouth.

"Deal." She breathed out, running her fingers through his hair and over his scalp as his tongue teased her. "You're insatiable."

Harm snorted at her comment. "You're just as bad, Marine."

"And still hungry." Although, at the moment, it wasn't food she desired. Mac curled a leg over his hip and brought a hand between them, her fingers lazily caressing the length of him, feeling him twitch. "I love you, so so much." She kissed him softly, sighing contentedly when he slid into her.

"I love you too, Sarah."

Eventually, they did make it to dinner… and maybe a little desert afterwards.

**THE END.**

**Thank you for the reviews and for reading! :)**

**This was a fun journey that should ****have**** played out on TV in S10. **

**Oh if only...**


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